Chapter 31
As I waited for Harper to respond, I thought about everything that had transpired since the day I decided to write Love You to Mars and Back.
Not only had I tried to re-create my love with Sam on paper, but I’d tried to do it in reality, and with a person who seemed to think nothing of damaging my life.
Who was this guy? I had to know more. Now that I knew his real name, I easily found Max/Zach’s IMDb page, which listed a couple of minor roles in movies and TV shows I’d never heard of.
It turned out he also had a real LinkedIn profile.
He went to high school in Seattle, so at least he’d told me one true thing.
His Instagram was public and it was mostly headshots and clips, devoid of any personal information.
But none of it really mattered. All that did matter was making sure all gawk-worthy information was deleted from his devices.
And after that, I wanted nothing more than to buy him and his dick a one-way ticket to space.
On my way to the ballet camp recital, I received an email from Harper.
Hurriedly, I opened it before the performance started and scanned it.
Bronwyn had been fired. Duh. The publisher would have a statement ready for review over the weekend.
Couldn’t wait. Harper wanted the draft of my statement ASAP.
Ugh. But at the end was what I needed most—Max/Zach’s home address.
Lucy’s turn as a ballerina came to a quick and ignominious end when she slipped and face-planted in the middle of the first dance number.
So much for becoming more graceful. I hoped there would be no long-term damage from the public humiliation.
Fortunately, by the time I dropped her off at Noah’s for breakfast-for-dinner with her new besties, Pen and Pax, she seemed to have recovered, the goose egg on her forehead the only lingering reminder.
I took the stairs two at a time to Frannie’s floor.
When she opened the door, I stood there holding one of the red toy sand shovels we’d gifted each other years before as symbols of our unbreakable bond—as in, I’ll always help you bury the body, no questions asked.
Frannie’s eyes grew into saucers and she ran to grab her keys and wallet.
On our way over to the address Harper had given me, I filled Frannie in. For once in her life, Frannie was speechless.
His house was a few blocks inland of the Venice boardwalk.
I tried not to imagine him doing sprints, lifting weights, and running lines for his epic astronaut role, all without a shirt on.
The house was small, with a peeling gray-painted porch.
The structure looked like it wouldn’t survive a small earthquake, and the postage-stamp lawn was little more than a jungle.
There were two pots on either side of the front door filled with dead plant matter.
Frannie jumped out of the car before I’d even turned off the engine. I had to move fast to catch up to her. “Wait, what am I going to say to him?”
“Don’t overthink it,” Frannie said as she pounded on the door. A moment later a shirtless twentysomething surfer dude opened it. Based on the weed smell wafting from the living room, the guy was baked, but then his eyes widened. Or maybe just opened.
“Did we DoorDash two hotties? Just kidding.” He cackled. “Wait,” he said and pointed at me with a look of recognition. “Are you—”
Frannie cut him off. “Is Zach Keene here?”
The guy smirked as he turned and yelled, “Zach, man, you got some visitors.”
With the guy’s body turned sideways, I could see into the living room, which looked like a frat house with two old, sagging couches and a bunch of guys sitting around a ginormous TV playing video games and getting high.
At least Max or Zach or whatever his name was hadn’t lied about his living situation.
But then, all of a sudden, a bedroom door opened and he appeared.
He wore a faded vintage LA Dodgers T-shirt and broken-in, low-slung jeans.
He was backlit and glowing, and looked more hygienic than all his roommates combined.
My breath hitched, and my heart was thumping so hard I was sure he and Frannie could hear it.
After everything this guy put me through, I couldn’t believe my body hadn’t received the memo.
“Thea,” he said, stepping out on the porch in his bare feet and closing the door behind him. “Hi, wow. It’s you. Bronwyn filled me in. I’ve been trying to work out a way to apologize.”
I stared at him, astonished. “Your eyes are green?”
“Yeah, Bronwyn had me wear blue-tinted contacts,” he said, shifting his weight. “Hi, you must be the best friend, Frannie. It’s nice to meet you finally.” He stuck out a hand toward Frannie.
His forearm flexed in front of me, a six-ton magnet drawing me to touch it out of habit. My fingers twitched as Frannie smacked his hand away, along with the forearm connected to it. “Yeah, and you must be the biggest asshole in the universe,” she scoffed.
I flinched with disappointment before my rational brain came off its lunch break, whereupon I was instantly flooded with gratitude to Frannie for stepping in to save me from my worst physical impulses.
“Yeah, I definitely deserve that.” At least Max had the decency to look sheepish.
“I don’t even know what name to call you,” I said before swallowing the lump in my throat. That was hardly the most important question, but I felt so off-balance seeing him again, knowing everything he’d done. It was the best I could do in the moment.
“Zach. Or Max. Either one works, so yeah—basically whatever you want,” he stammered. “I mean, most people call me Zach, obviously, but I really did love being Max to you. Wow, I’m really nervous. Sorry.”
My mind replayed in triple-speed all the times he’d shown that same nervousness and how it had flattered me by making me feel so special.
Special because I’d thought he was nervous because of me.
Because of how he felt for me. But now I understood it was probably because he was nervous about being outed as a soulless cupid-for-hire. Or maybe being sued.
“On second thought, it doesn’t really matter what I call you, since it will only be relevant for the duration of this conversation.
The last one I plan on having with you.” But for the sake of avoiding confusion, I decided to stick with the name Max.
It was just easier. “Why did you do it?” I demanded, dismayed to hear my voice crack.
I didn’t want to show an ounce of weakness, but once again my body had a different agenda.
I crossed my arms and glowered, waiting for his answer.
“The honest truth is that I did it because I really needed the money,” Max said.
“Cold, dude,” Frannie snickered.
Max winced and tucked his chin. “I know that sounds bad, but I hadn’t booked a job in a while, and my sister was struggling to make her last tuition payment for nursing school.
She’s always counted on me and I’d never let her down before.
I couldn’t stand the thought of it. So when Bronwyn approached me, it seemed like the answer to my problems.” He snapped off a dead branch from the pot next to him and twisted it.
“At first, Bronwyn made it sound like we were doing a good deed by helping you become a bestseller, so I told myself that it wasn’t the worst thing I could do.
But once I met you, everything changed. You’re so unbelievably smart.
In fact, I was pretty sure you’d see right through me.
But then, the more I got to know you, the more I wanted to see you achieve all the success you deserved.
Plus, I loved your book. I read it three times. ”
Just not when he’d told me he read it. I felt unsteady and reached for the rickety porch rail. He was obviously a pretty talented actor. Was he acting now? “Nice monologue. Did you ever want to break character and tell me the truth?”
“Yes, absolutely,” Max said as he ran a hand over his stubbly chin.
Stop staring.
“Starting the second you asked me if I needed a pole for my dance at the dog park. And the urge only grew from there. After Disneyland, I thought about it all the time. Do you remember that conversation when you invited me to dinner with your in-laws?”
Of course I remembered it. “Yes.”
“Well, that morning I’d woken up with the epiphany that I cared about you too much to keep up this act. I was planning to come clean about everything as soon as I told Bronwyn I was out.”
“But you didn’t do it, cuz you’re a self-serving chickenshit?” Frannie took a stab.
“It’s OK, Frannie.” I nudged her. “I want to hear him out.”
“It was complicated,” he said. “I couldn’t get a hold of Bronwyn for a couple days, and by the time I did, your book was taking off in a big way and Bronwyn said it would totally screw over your career if you knew this was a PR stunt.
People would never forgive you, and I couldn’t bear doing that to you, as much as I wanted this to be real between us. ”
“Aww, gee, how sweet, my knight in shining armor,” I snarked. “Too bad your chivalry was all for nothing, since everyone is about to find out the whole story. My publisher is putting out a statement and I have to issue one, too.”
“Oh, wow, that really sucks,” he said, scraping back his hair with both hands. His threadbare T-shirt lifted, exposing his abs.
Frannie’s snort broke the spell, and I turned to look at her.
She shook her head in warning.
In response, I reached out and squeezed her hand, an unspoken “I got this” gesture. To which she responded with an eye roll.
Fair, but why can’t I admire his physique and still despise him?
“Do you two need some privacy for this, uh, conversation?” Max interrupted.
“Cute, but no.” I peeled my eyes away from Frannie and this time kept my gaze firmly trained on his face. “Please continue with your pathetic explanation.”
He looked away, but then he nodded once and did as he was told. “After Bronwyn made me call you and tell you about the mission, I was supposed to delete the app I’d been using to make my number untraceable.”
“So I’ve heard,” I grumbled. “But then you didn’t.”
“No, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want our connection to end.”
“But if you didn’t delete the app,” Frannie cut in, “then you must have received a number of texts from Thea urgently asking for your help?”
“Yes, but I thought she was just trying to continue our relationship, which I knew I couldn’t do without hurting her.
Still, I wrestled with whether to respond, and I almost did after one particularly, ah, noteworthy text,” he said, raising his eyebrows at me.
“But when I got that text, I immediately deleted the app so I wouldn’t be tempted anymore, because I was pretty sure I was about to cave and ruin everything for you. ”
My entire body was cringing. Though I was relieved that he hadn’t ignored my plea for help, which I sent after that photo, I was mortified and angry, at him and myself. And also, if I was being completely honest, the tiniest bit gratified that at least the photo had been appreciated.
“Thea, I know you’ll probably never believe another word I say, but I need you to know this: When I took the role, it was just another job, but the more time we spent together, well, the feelings I developed for you weren’t an act. They were the real deal, and I really regret what I did.”
And then there was a long, awkward pause.
What was I supposed to do with that? Did he believe we were going to pick up where we left off after his dramatic apology?
Because if he did, he’d been in one too many made-for-TV movies.
Even so, I’d be fooling myself if I didn’t admit it was reassuring on some level to hear him say it hadn’t all been an act.
If he wasn’t lying about that too—a big if—then maybe, just maybe, I would someday be able to trust my own judgment again in matters of the heart.
The burning in my eyes told me I needed to wrap this up.
“If you ever cared an ounce for me, I have one request. If your name gets out there and the media tracks you down for comment, could you please find the willpower to keep your mouth shut and try not to fuck up my life any further?” He nodded solemnly, and I looked over at Frannie, whose expression was, for once, indecipherable to me. “I think I’m done here.”
“Almost,” she said out loud, while her eyebrows lifted and exaggerated wide eyes silently communicated, Aren’t you forgetting something?
I squinted back at her, adrenaline flooding my system. My mind was blank.
Frannie turned to Max. “Yo, Wannabe Rocket Man, unlock your phone.”
Oh right. The texts. And photos. I smacked my forehead.
She held out her hand to Max, who reluctantly gave it over.
In about thirty seconds, Frannie had wiped clean all traces of me from his phone, including the two horrifying photos he’d saved to his library, and cemented her status as best friend in the universe till the end of time.
After she handed him back his phone, she grabbed me by the arm. “Now we can go.”
I could feel Max’s eyes boring into my back as Frannie hauled me off the porch to the car.
I willed myself not to turn around. Maybe someday I’d be healed enough to open myself up to love again.
But it would definitely not be with him.
I got in the car and yanked the necklace out from under my crewneck tee, unlocked the clasp, and reached across Frannie’s lap to hurl it into the glove compartment like it was about to spontaneously combust. I couldn’t wait to give it back to Coco on Monday.
I never wanted to lay eyes on it—or him—again.