Chapter 43 #2
Daniel shook his head. Sometimes—not often, but every once in a while, she could be incredibly dense.
“How long have we known each other, Bee? I have never heard you how you were on the phone. I was—you know what, I was about to say I was terrified, but I wasn’t.
” It was only now that he realized there hadn’t been fear, only purpose.
“I didn’t have time to be. I just had to get over to you, and that’s all I could think about. ”
She pulled herself upright, and with a grunt and a groan she reached out to him. He held out his arms and gingerly embraced her. “I love you, Danny. I just wish she could have seen you in action, too.”
His mind went back, just for a moment, to 1989, before finals week when Nora had been violently ill and he’d been unable to make her take better care of herself. Except that wasn’t really true, was it? No one made Nora Langley do something she didn’t want to do. Not then, not ever.
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
Daniel shook his head. That was garbage. He didn’t lie to Bee. Never had, and not now. “Yes. I wish she could have, too. There’s so much I wish. So much.” And Bee was the only person in the whole world who truly understood that.
But this wasn’t the time or the place. His cousin was the priority, not whatever he still felt for Nora.
There would be time enough for his heart when she was home and recuperating properly.
“Anyway, moving on. I called your boss and let her know what happened, and that you’ll be out this week and next for sure.
” He gave her a mock—mostly mock—disapproving glare.
“It took me an hour to find her number in that rat’s nest you call a home office, by the way.
” And another two hours to make it presentable by his standards, but there was no need to say that.
Daniel , March 31
Daniel hadn’t been back to his condo in four days, except for a quick trip yesterday to check the mail, dump the now-spoiled milk out of the fridge and grab a change of clothes before returning to Bianca’s place.
Bee was recovering nicely, and not abusing her status as an invalid too much.
She still slept a lot, and when she was awake in the daytime she mostly kept to herself so he could get a little work done on his laptop.
She occasionally asked what exactly he was doing, and he tried gamely to explain, but it was hard to really make sense of it without taking an hour to give her the background to understand the specific task he happened to be working at.
“Next time, just say you’re trying to keep the planes in the sky and the ATM’s working when the New Year turns over.” She giggled. “Anyway, I’d trust you with all that.”
“Nothing’s going to happen on January 1st. It’s all a big panic over nothing,” he said.
He’d told his parents the same thing, and Lisa, and anyone else who would listen.
He wasn’t sure they believed him, but all he could do was tell them what he knew.
And if they wanted to worry about something that wasn’t real and that they couldn’t do anything about anyway, even if it was, that was on them.
Bee patted the sofa, and he sat next to her. “Let’s talk about something that is real, then. I’ve let it go all week, but it’s time, Danny.”
If it was anyone else, he’d have gotten right up off the sofa, maybe even walked out the door. But it wasn’t anyone else. It was the one person who had the right to say anything to him, and he’d not just listen but believe.
No. There was one other person, besides Bee. And that’s who his cousin wanted to talk about.
“I’ve always loved you, Danny. Always. And I’ve been thinking a lot this week.” She shook her head. “Not like there’s been much else I could do. I mean, aside from Days of Our Lives —did you know Marlena’s still alive? I thought she died years ago.”
“Bee.”
“Yeah. Right. Anyway. I’ve been thinking a lot.
And you probably know this, but I love you more than anybody else.
” She was looking at him, into him, the way only she—and Nora—ever could.
“It’s not like I sit here and keep score of which relatives I care about more, but if I did, you’d be number one.
And you know why? I just figured it out. ”
Daniel wasn’t surprised by any of that. And he knew the answer, too.
“It’s because you needed it. Because you never felt it enough from anyone else, and I could see that. I had to make sure my Danny always knew.”
“I did. And I hope you felt it from me, too.” He embraced her, his cheek against hers, feeling her warmth—not just physical, but almost a psychic force coming off her. “I love you, Bee. Always have.”
She pulled away just far enough that she could catch his eyes again.
“I got so angry, back when you were in high school, and even when you started college, when you’d call me and you’d vent about how lonely you were.
” Daniel felt himself blushing. It had been whining, not venting.
And she’d listened to far more of it than anyone—even a favorite cousin who loved him more than anybody else—should have had to.
“I was so pissed at all those idiot girls you told me about, because they couldn’t see how amazing you were.
” And then she smiled, the saddest smile he’d ever seen.
Or maybe the second saddest, but he put that out of his mind and just listened to her, even though he knew what she was going to say next.
“And it made my heart hurt—I’m serious. It burned.
Knowing that you couldn’t see it for yourself, either.
I hated that for you. I would have done anything if it would have made you see how great you were.
Are .” It made his heart hurt right now to hear it, to know how much time and energy she’d set aside for him, when she should have been spending it on herself.
“I’m sorry, Bee.” He sat there, staring back at her, willing her to feel everything he felt, and she—she laughed.
“God, you’re dumb sometimes! You think I don’t already know it’s always gone both ways?
You think I don’t remember the times you hurt for me, or cried for me or wanted to rip somebody’s head off because they did wrong by me?
Even if you were a thousand miles away, even when we didn’t talk for months? ”
She knew. She knew it all. Of course she did.
“And you’re telling me all this now because…?” He knew why. But he needed to hear it out loud.
She didn’t speak, just pushed him a little further away, and reached down under his shirt.
She pulled out the necklace, held it up.
“You were always enough for this. You were always going to step up if you had to. I knew it. Nora knew it. She always saw you. The only one who didn’t know it was you.
” She took a deep breath. “But now you do. I mean it, Danny. You’ve got no excuses anymore. ”
“You’re the one who kept telling me to move on from her.” It sounded lame even to his own ears.
“And I was wrong, and it took Leanne three months to forgive me for setting her up with you. She finally asked me to come back to pottery class last month, by the way.”
“Bee.”
“Sorry. Anyway. She forgave you, too. So you don’t have any reason not to go find Nora. Go get her, or I’ll be so disappointed in you.”
“You won’t be the only one.” He wasn’t sure if he said it out loud or not. Or if that even mattered.
Daniel , a few hours later
It was half past two in the morning. Daniel had been lying here under the covers in Bianca’s guest room since just before midnight, closing his eyes tightly and not falling asleep.
He didn’t bother to wipe the tears from his face.
He’d done it ten or twenty times already, but they just kept coming, so what was the point?
She’d meant to reassure him, cheer him on. But all she’d done was make it hurt more, because if she was right—and she was, he couldn’t pretend otherwise anymore—then it never had to happen the way it did a decade ago. Or even a year and a half ago, aboard the ship.
If he was enough then, he could have been with Nora all this time. She’d be with him right now, arms wrapped around him, alternately making fun of Bee’s taste in wallpaper and reminding him what a hero he was.
She wasn’t, though, and nothing could change that. But maybe it could start to change tomorrow. Or the next day. Or whenever the tears finally stopped.
He didn’t notice the door cracking open just an inch or two, or his cousin’s eyes peeking in for a moment, or her soft sigh. He certainly didn’t hear the way her throat caught as she gently closed the door again and tiptoed back to her bedroom, wiping away her own tears as she went.