Twenty-Eight Evelyn #3
I hoped the silly pet name would be enough to coax a smile from her, even if only for a moment while she was with her family.
Evelyn: What are you up to right now?
Vanessa: Nothing important, just working at a coffee shop. Would you like me to come get you?
I placed my laptop in my purse, leaving the Cafe as I waited for her predictable response.
Evelyn: No pressure. I know it's early, but if you can, yes.
Vanessa: Already on my way, sweetheart. I'll be there in 5.
Evelyn: Thank you, Nessa. Also I told them I'm sick so I'd get more personal space and my aunt would kick me out. Don't panic when I walk out with my best zombie impression.
Vanessa: How original of you.
Once the front door shut, she began walking faster, trying to leave the premises as quickly as humanly possible. Still, the usual spark in her eyes seemed a bit duller, and the smile she gave me was obviously fake—except for the flicker of relief behind it.
“So how was it?” I asked, not because I didn’t know the answer, but because it was the most normal thing to say. I wasn’t sure whether she wanted to talk about it.
“Mostly fine. What would you like to do today?” she asked, trying to hide her despair.
“Well, we don’t have any plans until this evening, and we can check into our hotel anytime. So what are you feeling up to?” I asked, knowing the last few hours must have taken a lot out of her.
“I could maybe use some rest, but we’re here, so I feel like we should do something,” she shrugged.
“Honey, it’s early afternoon, and I could use a nap too. There’s plenty of time for us to go back to the hotel for a few hours and still do something before our dinner reservation,” I suggested.
“Still, we came all this way, and I feel bad leaving early and now just wanting to sleep. It’s rude of me,” she mumbled.
“Evelyn, I don’t mind. I really enjoy Portland, and you should know I’d like to spend extra time with you, no matter what we’re doing.”
She looked at me, tousling her locks, giving me the impression she didn’t believe me.
“No, it’s fine. Let’s go out now and then just sleep extra tonight after dinner,” she said, plastering on another smile.
“No, we’re going back to the room to decompress. I’ve made my decision.”
She nodded, staring out the window. I gave her some space—something she’d clearly lacked for the last few hours. I didn’t like seeing her like this, coated in intangible signs that something was off.
After checking into the hotel, we brought everything to our room, where I made us some tea.
We drank it as Evelyn and I talked for a bit about my travels to Japan with Lillian, where she’d introduced me to traditional tea leaves and sake, both of which I’d grown quite fond of.
After a few stories and comparing the places we’d been, we were both ready to rest.
I opened up the bed for us, causing the rose petals to fall off. Lying down, I let out a sigh, closing my eyes as my head hit the pillow. I’d needed this.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered into the previously comfortable silence.
“Sweetheart, you have nothing to be sorry for,” I frowned.
“Vanessa, you’re allowed to be upset with me, and you clearly are. You haven’t touched me once since picking me up, and I realize I shouldn’t have asked you to after you drove us three hours here for me. I see my mistake, so I’m just telling you I’m sorry.”
“I was not bothered by that and I had a perfectly fine day. Would you like me to hold you now, then?”
“That’s not the point, Nessa. The point is you haven’t.”
“You haven’t answered my question. Would you like me to?”
“This is about me noticing how you’re acting differently toward me, not what I want or don’t want,” she explained calmly. This wasn’t a fight, only a simple discussion.
“Sweetheart, would you have even wanted me to hold you before?”
“I wasn’t thinking about that. I was busy thinking about why you weren’t.”
“But why would you want me to touch you when you want space?” I just wanted to understand her, and she saw that, luckily not getting defensive. Neither of us were in the condition to argue, and I didn’t want to make her defend her logic again after she’d had to all morning.
“Because when you always do something and then stop, I’m going to worry about that, not consider what I want.”
“Okay, well, I was only taking that into consideration. I’m good at speculating, but I can’t always know for sure what you need unless you let me know, love. So tell me, what do you need?”
“I do want some personal space. I just didn’t think you’d think to consider that, that’s all.”
“Evelyn, attaining my space is an ongoing need for me. I understand.”
“But it’s complicated. The times when I need the most space are often the times I need the most comfort. Does that make any sense?”
“Lots. And I’ve known this about you for months. You often like comfort through words, whether that’s listening to someone else’s or having someone hear yours.”
“Yeah, exactly. You’re far less dramatic about space.”
“No, honey. My space just has a peculiar amount of room for you.”