22. Lindee
LINDEE
This is not happening.
I’m imagining things.
This is nothing but a bad dream.
Except, it’s not.
I bite down on the inside of my cheeks, trying to prove to myself that this really isn’t real. Only, it is. I feel my teeth on the sensitive skin, sending a minuscule jolt of pain to my brain.
Brandt also submitted a drink. And didn’t tell me.
I don’t actually know which is worse.
“It’s not what you think,” he defends, the statement firing so quickly it’s almost like he had it locked and loaded. Oh, wait—he probably did.
“Oh, if that’s all…” I snark, not bothering to hide my tone or the matching shrug of one shoulder.
A mix of emotions swirls inside my chest, like some gooey, slimy mixture a cartoon witch would brew in her cauldron.
Each new one hits me with a swift punch straight to the gut, leaving me feeling nauseous and broken.
Over and over again, my insides splintering more and more with each one, letting that sinking feeling ooze deeper and deeper inside.
I don’t know whether I want to laugh or cry.
Although, pretty sure right now either—or both—would only result in vomit.
I need fresh air.
Pushing past Brandt, I make a beeline out of the room, unsure of where I’m going. Doesn’t really matter, because it’s not here. It’s not this little, tiny room where the walls are closing in on me.
“Lindee!” Brandt shouts behind me.
I don’t stop. I can’t. Instead, I continue to push past large groups, like I’m in some race against time.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see big glass doors and I take a hard right toward them.
The flaming orange lettering on the glass could glow in the dark it’s so bright, but I’m thankful for it.
Thanks to such a proud color, there is no missing the exit to a patio. One not currently in use.
Thank God.
Bursting through the doors, I suck in the deepest breath I can of the warm air.
The sun is high and bright and there is enough humidity in the air that you can feel it, but not enough to smother you.
In any other moment, I’d appreciate this weather—and this beautiful view over the river—a lot more.
After all, it’s not every day that you get unfettered access to the home of the Nashville Fury.
Nor is it every day that the man you just proposed a future with betrays you.
But you know…no biggie. Because it’s not what I think.
Said no one ever…
“Lindee.” Brandt comes through the door with the same exuberance I did, although a lot less anger. “Talk to me. Please.”
“Talk to you? About what?” I spit out the words like they are nails, hoping each one hurts him the same way I’m hurting right now.
Brandt takes a step closer to me, starting to answer, but I cut him off. Because I’m not really sure I want to hear it.
“Oh, you mean about your drink? The one you also entered into the contest? The one you completely failed to mention to me?”
“Yes. Because it’s—”
“Right, it’s not what I think.”
There’s no missing the snark and sarcasm in my tone. We both know that line is bullshit. And I am not here for it.
If Brandt Rawlins thinks he can sweet-talk his way out of this one, he needs to think again. He should know me better than that. Then again…maybe that’s what this has all really been about.
“It’s not,” he continues to defend. “I entered that drink weeks ago. Months, actually. Before I ever came to Tennessee.”
“Oh, so I’m just supposed to believe then that it was all a total coincidence?”
There’s no such thing as coincidences, right? Pretty sure that’s what my grandfather would say.
“Yes.” He sighs, taking another step toward me. I don’t move, not sure that my cinderblock feet would move if I tried. “I didn’t plan any of this. I couldn’t have if I tried.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Brandt rocks back, as if my words were a wrecking ball hitting him square in the chest. I watch him, waiting for a reaction, his chest slowly moving up and down as he breathes in and out, clearly trying to find his own words.
Good, I hope that hurts him as much as he hurt me…
Flicking his eyes up, he meets mine, holding them. Pain and disbelief wash over them, and for a second I think he might understand. But only a second, because then his look changes, and a fire takes over.
“It’s the truth. I’ve never been anything but truthful with you.
I’ve told you about all of it—our first illegal still and how I still play around with different spirits for fun.
How we ended up with Silver Lining Sour because I messed around with the mash too much.
That I created the Sobbin’ Shandy for one of Milo’s little sister’s friends who doesn’t like beer. ”
Internally I nod along. He has told me all of this.
I laughed when he told me about the first tasting of what’s now the Silver Lining Sour, and that they almost threw it away because it wasn’t what they had been after.
I swooned when he shared the Shandy story, loving that he took care of his people so well.
It made me want to visit Hickory Hills and see his small town.
Now…now all I can do is stand and stare at him. Wishing that none of that was true.
“The Sobbin’ Shandy won an award at a little beer fest we went to last summer.
Brenna wanted me to enter it into the SLOSH awards this time, but it didn’t qualify.
She challenged me to create something to enter, and there was no way I was backing down from a challenge from my baby sister.
So I did. I created something and I entered it. All before I met you.”
“And yet, you didn’t tell me. You led me on with all this talk about having fiddled with things, and encouraged me to get creative, yet at no point did you think to mention that you were entered.
When you encouraged me to enter—pulled up the entry form and everything—didn’t think to go, yeah, we can compete against each other. Winner gets to pick dinner.”
Opening his mouth, Brandt snaps it shut almost immediately. Yeah…there’s no defending this.
“You knew…” Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, making my contacts burn.
Wearing them today instead of my glasses was a bad choice.
“You knew this whole time. And all while trying to play nice with my family, offering up your connections to get us into Fire Lights, acting like you were sorry for the comment you made about my brand. But you aren’t sorry, are you?
This was just one more way to make Wink & Shine look dumb. To make me look dumb.”
I close my eyes slowly, hoping to contain the tears that have been threatening. The same ones that are making my voice wobble. But I’m not that talented. Or lucky.
A hot, wet tear slinks down my cheek, almost as if he’s unsure of where to go. Just as lost as I am now that he’s free. Another one joins him though, so he’s not alone. He has a friend in this world.
“Lind…”
Brandt reaches for me and I let him, desperately wanting to feel him against me.
Wanting him to take this pain away that is gnawing and nibbling at my insides.
Instead, that pain intensifies the second he touches me.
A harsh reminder that he can’t magically make this go away. Because he’s the one causing it.
“You could have told me at any moment. Instead, you chose not to. You lied to me.”
“I didn’t know how to tell you. Because…because I was afraid that you’d think the worst. And you’d have every right to. But I promise you, Lindee, none of this was done to hurt you. The Rocky Top Double is so much better than mine—”
I scoff. “Ha. Apparently not if they tied.”
“Yeah, well, those judges don’t know what they’re talking about.
Because I’ve had both, and I promise you, yours is better.
I’ve been sure of that since you created it.
Mine doesn’t stand a chance against yours, and I’ve known that since the second I sipped it.
Doesn’t even deserve to be in the top ten with the Rocky Top Double. Because it’s your—”
“Stop!” I push him away, holding up both my hands as if I were directing traffic. I can’t let him do this.
I am a smart, educated, professional woman. I know my shit. I don’t care what these men think.
“You don’t get to just smooth this over by complimenting me. Your sweet nothings mean…nothing. You’re a fucking liar, Brandt.”
“I didn’t mean to!” he yells back, the frustration clearly getting to him.
“That was never my intention. At first, it was a way to be close to you, and then, I realized that nothing I could ever dream up would ever be comparable to your creations. You’ve amazed me at every turn, from the second we met.
Don’t you get it, Lindee? I couldn’t have planned any of this if I tried.
Nothing about these last few weeks has been… ”
“Real?” I offer up without thinking. The suggestion is out of me so fast I can barely believe. But now that it’s out there, there’s no taking it back.
Not that I want to.
It’s the truth.
Nothing about these last few weeks has been real.
That’s perfectly clear now as I stand here and piece it all together.
Sure, he might not have known about my cocktail project, and he didn’t plan everything down to the detail, but he came to Trouble on a mission.
To better me and my siblings. To use us to help his brand get ahead.
“Yes…no..” Brandt answers, cursing under his breath. “Yes, this is real. You and me, this is real.”
“And yet…you lied. You didn’t tell me about your entry.
And if you’re lying about that…” I trail off, trying to fight back more tears.
I don’t want to be the girl who breaks down in public because of some guy.
I’m better than that. “How do I know you didn’t lie about not knowing who I was that first night? ”
“You can’t be serious.”
The indignation in his voice catches me off guard. Is he fucking serious?
“You don’t honestly think I would do that? Do you?”