Chapter 10 Stephanie #2
I shook my head. Then shrugged. “I’m just… I can’t…” The words I needed wouldn’t come. They knew my story. My dating hang-ups. My strained parental relationships. “Hiram texted,” I said lamely.
Paisley gasped, and Juliet muttered, “That no-good slug.” They’d come to the cabin for Christmas with me once while we were still in college, so they knew what an Addams family holiday entailed.
After I told them about the text and my frenzied idea of asking Nash to be my fake date, I sighed. “If Hiram hadn’t gotten into my head, I think I could have said yes.”
“He threw you,” Juliet said quietly.
“Yeah.” I scrunched my toes against the quilt, grounding myself. “All of this stuff I thought I’d worked through is just boiling over, and I hate it.” Hated feeling unmoored. Hated being left behind.
“It’s part of the grieving process,” Paisley said.
“And that’s okay. Give yourself some grace, but don’t get stuck.
Maybe you and Nash will turn into more. Who knows.
But pray about it, Steph. Be open to embracing the scary.
” She shot me a look. We both knew I loved my comfort zone. “And we’ll be praying, too, okay?”
The words cloaked me like a hot cocoa hug. “Thanks, Pais.”
“And definitely keep us posted,” she continued, “because we all know the first rule of fake dating is not falling in love, and I’m pretty sure you’ve both already broken that rule, so… genre expectations.”
Juliet blinked at her, half-eaten cookie in hand. “You’re weird sometimes, you know that?”
“You fell in love with your older brother’s best friend, so you’re one to talk,” Paisley shot back.
I laughed weakly and let Liz start on my nails. Relief flooded me when Paisley, bless her, redirected the conversation.
“Speaking of new things, we got a puppy! Well, not an actual puppy. She’s eighteen months and needed to be rehomed.”
“Ooh, what kind?” Liz asked.
“Golden retriever. We named her Rosie Cotton.”
We all blinked at her owlishly, and she groaned. “You know, Samwise Gamgee’s wife from Lord of the Rings? Tell me you remember this.”
Juliet snickered, poking Paisley’s shoulder. “We’re not all nerds like the pair of you.”
And it was true. Paisley and Greyson were the biggest Lord of the Rings nerds I’d ever met. It was how they fell in love—all starting with a themed trivia night. Never get between them when it comes to trivia.
“To tell you that would be lying,” I said apologetically. “But she sounds adorable. Is she with you?”
“Nah, Grey took her out tonight. I’ll send pictures!”
After another hour of talking, we reluctantly hung up the video call.
Liz dragged the leftover food to the kitchen and started washing up the few dishes we’d used.
I slipped a Bing Crosby Christmas vinyl onto my record player in the living room, and we worked in companionable silence, my mind full of news and bits of life from Idaho against the soothing background music.
“Hey, I’m sorry if I pressed too hard and made it weird for you to tell them,” Liz blurted out as she rinsed the charcuterie board before handing it to me to dry.
“You were fine. I wanted to say something. Just didn’t know how to start.” I slid the board onto the wood shelf we used to display our platters.
“Are you happy, Steph?”
The abrupt change in topic startled me. I swiped the water droplets from Liz’s “I’d Melt for You” snowman mug with deep concentration, conflicted on how to answer such a question. Happy? Was I happy? At last, I said, “I think happiness is fleeting… but I’m making my way.”
“Steph.” Liz shut the water off and turned to face me, ignoring the rest of the dishes in the sink. “Real talk.”
“What do you want me to say?” I huffed. “That I’m lonely, miserable, and terrified of ending up alone while all my best friends get their happily ever afters, and I have to find another roommate to pay the rent?
Because I’m not miserable, Liz. I promise.
I’m just…” My shoulders deflated as I tried to find the words.
“I just think it’d be nice to have my own person.
To be someone to come home to—someone’s first choice—ya know? ”
Between my three besties, I was the last single woman standing.
Paisley was on her second husband, Juliet had married Cal’s best friend, and Liz was engaged to an amazing guy she’d met not long after we’d moved here.
Leaving little ol’ me behind. I loved my friends and the awesome guys they had at their sides, and they never made me feel like a third—or seventh—wheel.
But I knew firsthand it was possible to be so thrilled for someone else while also secretly mourning the ache in your heart because your own guy hadn’t entered the picture.
What about Nash? I swallowed hard and swiped extra hard on an already dried dish.
Liz’s gaze softened, and she tugged me into a hug—a classic Liz move. “You’re an absolute catch, Stephanie Addams—beautiful inside and out—and I think you’re amazing. And if Nash is worth his salt, he’ll see that, too.”
I hugged her back and swallowed the lump in my throat.
But I couldn’t voice my swirling thoughts.
That I was too scared to even give Nash a chance.
Worried that he would see the real me and decide I was an inconvenience…
not enough. My mother didn’t want me. My dad abandoned me for most of my childhood.
My best friends were moving on with the loves of their lives. Everybody leaves eventually.