Chapter 27 Amy
It’s been two whole days since the bar fight. Two whole days I’ve spent curled up in bed, and still I’m exhausted, like I’ve spent weeks on the go.
Ever since we moved here, I’ve been pouring heart and soul into making everything right, balancing classes, my problems, and my epic mood swings.
I’ve given it my all, fighting hard to build a new life for myself, and it just hasn’t happened for me.
I’m stripped of any reserves I might once have had, and now I’m right back where I started—except this time, I don’t have the strength to brush myself off and bounce back.
Charlotte has knocked on my door a few times, pleading with me to crawl out of my hole, but I’m not budging. Raven hasn’t even checked in on me once, which doesn’t exactly make me want to show my face.
I fumble for my phone, like I’ve done a million times over the past two days. Considering how much I hate phone calls, this is a new one for me. Lewis has been playing dead, so when I glance at the screen this time, I’m expecting what I usually get—a big fat nothing.
LEWIS: Hey, Firebird! The past three days have been literally insane, just catching my breath now. Got so much to tell you. Driving lesson at five sound good?
I bolt upright and throw off my comforter as a wave of heat rushes through me. I peer at my screen. I’m holding my breath, I realize. Is this some kind of sick joke? You think you can just pop back up, like “Hey, girl”? Where’s my “Sorry I messed up on Wednesday, Amy”?
The worst part about this whole situation is how excited I am. The way he blows hot and cold like this has my head spinning. Yesterday, I was beyond pissed. Today, all it takes is a single message, and I’m hooked again. The truth is, I have nothing to compare this to. Did I overreact?
I stare at the screen. I’m of two minds, and this constant yo-yoing is exhausting. I toss the phone on my bed and sink back into the pillows.
“Go fuck yourself. You think you can whistle and I’ll just roll over?” I shake my head. “Seriously—go fuck yourself.”
Maybe I should leave him on read. See how he likes that.
Take a little time-out to think things through.
Suddenly, an idea hits me—one that feels authentically “me.” I need to channel all this into something that makes sense, before I genuinely lose it.
And I want him to get a good look at how messed up my face is—all because of him.
I roll onto my side and feel for my phone, shooting off a text before I can talk myself out of it.
AMY: OK.
And with those two little letters, it’s game on. I don’t care how I do it—I want clarity. And I want it now.
LEWIS: Great! Meet outside my dorm.
I throw on some music, grab my headphones, and head out for a run to work off the adrenaline before jumping in the shower and giving the cut above my eye a good clean.
I’ve never looked so Brooklyn, and I can’t wait to see what Lewis makes of the new, ugly me.
Let’s see whether he reacts the same way Raven did.
Fingers crossed the guilt eats away at him and he drops to his knees, begging for forgiveness.
On the way over to campus, butterflies are going crazy in my stomach. I get there at five on the dot and pace up and down the sidewalk, chewing on my nails. I used to feel excited before meeting up with Lewis. This time, I’m a hot mess.
At quarter past five, there’s still no sign of him, and my blood starts to boil.
No way am I waiting this time—this is not happening again.
I head for the stairs, my mind racing, desperate to teach him a lesson, determined to make sure he never shows up late again, when I hear voices ahead of me—the jangling of keys.
Adam and Lewis. They’re pushing open the door to their apartment, and where I’m standing now at the corner of the steps, I’m tucked out of sight.
I’m just about to head up to join them, when I stop cold.
“Next time you come get me, don’t forget your phone!” Lewis snaps.
“How ’bout next time I come get you, you don’t forget to charge yours? How’s it my fault your phone died?”
“Whatever, man. I’m running late for Amy, and I can’t even give her a heads-up!”
His phone died? I soften. That makes sense. I’m just about to clear my throat when Adam’s next question knocks the wind out of me.
“You’re seeing Amy? As in…”
“As in, what?”
The door slams shut behind them.
Whaaat!
I dart up the stairs and press my ear to the door… just as Lois and Carrie step out of the elevator.
“Hey, Amy! How—”
“Shhh!”
I don’t even try to hide what I’m doing.
“What’s going on?” Carrie whispers.
I motion for her to stay quiet, and then oh-so-slowly, I push down on the handle, nudging the door open an inch or two, thanking my lucky stars that the guys are in the living room.
I can hear everything from here. The whole reason I came this afternoon was to find out what the deal is between us—and it looks like I’m finally about to get some answers.
Low effort, low stakes. My heart is hammering in my chest as I crane to hear.
“Are you guys dating?” Adam asks.
“Nope. Just hanging out.”
“Like, all the time, though…”
“Duh. She’s my trainee.”
“I see mine way less.”
“Not my fault you picked a guy.” Lewis laughs.
“You didn’t even pick Amy.”
“True—you guys forced me.”
The breath catches in my throat. I lean my forehead against the doorjamb. Thinking back, he was definitely low-key to start with—but I hadn’t realized what was actually going on.
Lois pats me on the arm. “It wasn’t as bad as they’re making it out to be.”
I keep my eyes trained on the ground, waiting for more.
“Don gave you the whole ‘no hooking up with your colleagues’ spiel, but I’m pretty sure he’d be cool with you and Amy,” Adam continues.
“What’s up with you, man?” I can hear the frown in Lewis’s voice. “You get laid for the first time in your life, and now you’re Mr. Relationship Expert?”
“I don’t get why you’re so anti-girlfriend—you’re making a huge deal out of nothing.”
“Actually, you’re making a huge deal out of nothing.”
“I like Amy,” Adam says. “And I think you do, too. I can see it in that dumbass face of yours.”
“Of course I like her! She put her life on the line to get my Dodge back. She’s funny, she’s cute…”
Why do I feel a “but” coming up…
“But why would I make life harder for myself by throwing a girlfriend into the mix?”
“Donovan seems to manage just fine with Carrie around.”
“Even though I do my best to drive him nuts,” Carrie whispers into my ear.
She can sense how tense I am, but though she’s doing her best to smooth things over, it’s just making things worse.
I hear Lewis and Adam shuffling around the living room, and I stiffen. There’s trouble in the air, I can feel it in my bones, but I stay rooted to the ground. This opportunity is too good to pass up.
“Listen, if you’re digging being in a relationship, then I’m happy you’re happy. But it’s not for me,” Lewis is saying.
“You haven’t even given it a shot…”
“Dude, this is Amy Hitman we’re talking about.”
I flinch. I hate the way he just said my name.
I glance at Carrie, and suddenly, I know—the way she’s reaching for the door, the way she’s trying to push past me…
She knows the worst is yet to come. I stare her down and shoot Lois a look for good measure.
The two girls recoil. I want to hear everything Lewis has to say. Every last word.
“She’s not girlfriend material, and that’s exactly what I like about her. We get along just fine. We’re on the same wavelength.”
I used to think that, too.
“You sure about that?” Adam doesn’t sound convinced.
“For sure.”
“You normally jump from girl to girl—so, how come with Amy, you’re making plans to see her as soon as you fly in?”
Silence.
I wish I could see his face right now.
“I don’t know,” Lewis starts slowly. “Everything else feels like this blur—the Campus Drivers, college, basketball… It’s overwhelming.” He sighs. “But with Amy, it’s the opposite—time stops. Being with her feels like I’m tearing up the rule book. She’s like a guilty pleasure. A cheat day.”
Oh no. No, no, no…
I never knew what a broken heart felt like. But now I do. I wasn’t expecting this, but in a flash, I finally get it—all those times I felt so confused, all the times nothing made sense… I thought it was a me thing. As it turns out, it’s him.
While Lewis rambles on about how damn “useful” I am to him, every word slices deeper and deeper into me, and I think back to the time Emil tried to describe what it felt like when he got stabbed.
Lewis just cut my heart right open, and I never would have guessed that loving someone could hurt this bad.
The pain is searing, shooting through my chest, clawing at my throat. I can’t tell whether I’m about to scream or throw up or die from the sadness of it all.
“Lewis, you should—”
“I really need to let Amy know I’m late,” he interrupts.
And I really need to get the hell out of here.
His footsteps echo closer and I freeze, suddenly terrified he’s about to notice the door is ajar, but he drifts by without glancing my way.
I walk backward to the stairs, my legs shaking so hard I can barely manage the steps.
“What happened to your face?” Lois gasps.
“Accident at the shop,” I say, turning away.
“Amy, wait—”
“Not a word.” I lock eyes with Carrie. “You hear me?”
“You can’t just leave like this…” Lois sounds worried.
“You know what guys are like,” Carrie says. “Especially Lewis, he’s—”
“I appreciate the effort, girls. I really, really do.”
I need to get out of here. I’m about to lose my shit, and the last thing I want is to have a meltdown in front of the Campus Drivers and their girlfriends—I’ve had all the humiliation I can handle for one day.
“Do me a favor, though, will you?” I can hardly breathe. “Don’t tell Lewis I was here.”
“You need to talk to him,” Lois pleads.
“And I will. But first, I need to blow off some steam—okay?”
The girls exchange nervous glances.