Chapter 33 Koarthandris
KOARTHANDRIS
I gripped the tip of my cock, warm cum oozing between my fingers, as I hurried across the compound to the bathroom. I didn’t want to make a mess in Izzy’s room. And I was going to make one hell of a mess.
I hadn’t been with a woman in over a hundred years, since Mynrial, since that fated night, and that was a lot of pent-up arousal to deal with.
I found an empty bathroom, rushed in, and released myself… blasting the wall with cum. Heavy stream after heavy stream flowed out of me as I grunted, jerking my dick, the image of Izzy coming locked in my brain.
Blazing Skies, she’d been… divine, perfect, erotic and beautiful and powerful.
The way her body arched back, chest thrust out, sweat glistening on her as she shook and shuddered…
And that sound she’d let out. I’d never heard any woman make a noise like that, so full of release and relief, torn from her soul.
Through that one intense utterance, I’d felt not only her pain, but also the therapeutic deliverance of her spirit from suffering.
It had been pure and needful and raw, like a dragon’s roar.
And that, more than anything else, had pushed me over the top.
I let my release spill out in waves, hard and pulsing at times, till I was spent. I leaned on the wall, one hand supporting myself, looking at the mess I’d made.
This was… unheard of.
No dragon had ever masturbated before. We had complete control of our bodies and minds and spirits. Self-pleasure wasn’t forbidden, just… not needed. We kept ourselves for when we mated and we were fine with that. We didn’t jerk off, because we didn’t need to. But I’d needed to tonight.
The sight of other species copulating and mating shouldn’t have affected me like this, but it had.
Izzy had. She was… everything I desired, even if she wasn’t a dragon…
no, because she wasn’t a dragon. My own kind were much like me, stalwart and hard.
I’d mated with other dragons in the past, but our kind didn’t see the act as one of love or desire, only procreation.
It was a graceful and beautiful display, done high in the sky, in flight.
But afterward, the female went her way to lay a clutch of fertilized eggs, ensuring they hatched safely, before giving them over to the elder females to raise as she went back to whatever she’d done before. Dragons… didn’t care. But Izzy did.
She’d wanted me to join her tonight. She’d been good to me ever since I’d come to her side, rarely questioning my motives, accepting me.
She was kind and generous and smart and beautiful.
And she was also a beast, hard and tough and durable.
She was what I wished the females of dragonkind were like.
I’d spent too long around royalty. I expected more of my mate than a short time together, then parting ways.
I expected them to be witty and compassionate, and most dragons weren’t those things.
That’s why Izzy was so perfect for me.
That’s why I’d not been able to help myself tonight.
That’s why I couldn’t be with her, because, like tonight, I’d be distracted. I shouldn’t have watched her and Vyns, but I’d not been able to stop myself, and look at me now. I’d abandoned my post. I needed to get back to her, but I also really needed to clean up in here.
What. A. Mess.
I washed up quickly, cleaning the room and myself before hurrying back to my post.
Yet nothing had happened. Izzy was safe, sleeping with Vyns.
There was even a guard outside her room: her grandmother.
Olinara raised a brow at me as I returned. She’d been in the main chamber of the compound when I’d run by, dick out.
“You’re torturing yourself. You don’t have to. Just be with her!” She sighed heavily. “Or be with me, I could look like her if that helps. Might help you get her off your mind if that’s what you want?”
I growled.
She held up her hands. “Okay, that’s not what you want… but Spirits, man, you can’t keep going on like this. I’ve seen the way you look at her.”
“It’s nothing,” I lied.
She saw right through me with a grimace and a look which said: yeah right.
“You can’t keep beating yourself up for what happened over a hundred years ago!” she whispered intently.
She knew?
“How…?”
She rolled her eyes. “I hear things.”
“Does everyone know of my failure?” I hissed, voice low.
“No. There are so very few who know the truth of what happened that night. I’ve pieced things together over time. Most don’t want to look at it, don’t want to see, don’t want to aggravate Valnea. I don’t really care. I’d wanted the truth, so I dug deeper than most. I know what happened.”
“How I failed?”
“You made a mistake, a bad one, so what? You learn from it and move on, but you’re not moving on. You’re stuck in that night, in that place. And you’re denying yourself and my granddaughter something you both want in the name of what? Duty?” She stuck out her tongue.
“Ever stop to think maybe you would have failed even if you’d been on duty?” she asked. No… no I hadn’t. “Maybe it was an unwinnable event, they happen. We have to accept it, learn from it.”
“I have learned. Learned not to forsake my duty.”
“No…” She sighed heavily. “You haven’t learned a damned thing. Or rather, you’ve learned the wrong damned thing.”
“Oh, and what’s that?”
She eyed me. “I’m so very tempted to tell you, and I would, if I thought you’d believe me or it would do any good. But you won’t believe me, not yet, not now. You’ll have to figure it out yourself for it to have any meaning.”
I growled at her again.
She waved it off and left. “Back to your post, little guard dragon, since that’s what you’ve made yourself. You could be so much more…”
And she was gone.
What had she meant?
What was the wrong thing I’d learned?
I shook it off. Olinara had always been an infuriating woman. I’d keep doing what was right, protecting Izzy. That was my duty, no matter what my heart or my body might want.
No matter how much it hurt to see her with others.
No matter how good it had been to see her in bliss and know some tiny part of that was for me.
I sighed heavily, taking up my position outside her room once more.
I could never let Izzy down the way I had with Talmarion and Mynrial. I swore I’d never let that happen again.
Even as some part of me wondered what Olinara had been talking about. Maybe there was a way I could do my duty and be with Izzy?
No…
It was impossible.
Wasn’t it?