Chapter 42 Vynsiel
VYNSIEL
Izzy’s spirit had always been blindingly brilliant…
until now. Saldrea killing Myel and reviving him had destroyed Izzy, torn apart her spirit, soured it.
The tepid glow of Izzy’s broken spirit sickened me physically.
It was everything I could do not to lose my lunch over how wrong she felt through our link.
This was why I had to stay with her. I’d be next to useless in the field, given this feeling, but even more important, I knew what Izzy needed to get through this. I could bolster and revive her spirit through our link. Hopefully that would return some hope to her eyes.
She needed to snap out of her current state to have any chance of beating Saldrea tomorrow.
I watched as a severe-looking elf administrator, with a hint of a sneer on his face, affixed the strongest binding collar they had around Izzy’s neck.
Thankfully, my link to her wasn’t hindered. I didn’t know how or why, but I guessed it had something to do with our link being outside of us, not an internal power or ability.
She was taken to a cell. I was not allowed inside, but I sat in the cell next to hers, holding her hand through the bars as she sat there, a glazed-over look in her eyes, hopeless. After everyone had gone, except for the guards somewhere out in the hall, I whispered to her.
“Don’t lose hope.”
She blinked and looked at me. “How can I not?”
I lowered my voice even more, moving my face closer to the bars. “Even now, we’re working on a way to get you and Myel out of this. Trust in Koar and the others. They’ll find a way to free you both.”
Izzy sighed heavily.
The look in her eyes sawed through my heart. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe me, more that… she didn’t care.
“What use will it be?” she huffed. “Saldrea knows my weakness now. She’ll continue to target those I care about. Even if we free Myel, he’ll have to live in hiding, for fear Saldrea might find him and kill him and…” She shuddered so hard it looked painful.
She continued, voice barely there, quavering in fear. “Even if we hide him away, there are so many others I care for. She could target any of you. Your deaths wouldn’t hit me the same way as Myel’s, but it would still be horrible. How… how can I live like that? How can I go on?”
I had my work cut out for me if I wanted to snap her out of this.
“We’ll find a way.” It was all I could think to say.
Because the truth was, we had to find a way.
Izzy needed to keep going. She had the power to fight against the systemic injustice of this world, to make a difference.
If she became queen, she could change so much, but first she had an uphill fight on her hands.
One she could win, but only if she fought as hard as she could against Saldrea and her mother. She couldn’t give up.
I squeezed her hand, trying to give her some of my strength. Over the last few days, watching her train like mad, I’d seen how strong she was, but right now, she needed me to be strong. And I was ready to be there for her, fully.
I’d realized some things over the past few days as I’d witnessed Izzy’s miraculous transformation from a mostly powerless nymph to a stunningly strong elf. I’d been impressed by her work ethic and dedication to changing herself, becoming what she needed to be.
It had inspired me…
…to forgive myself.
As long as I’d known Izzy — and admittedly it hadn’t been that long — I’d held out hope that she could heal the wound in my soul, caused by the horrors I’d inflicted on others while serving Saldrea. But over the last couple days I’d realized that wasn’t her job. It was mine.
She couldn’t heal me, only I could do that, though Izzy had been the catalyst for my healing.
She’d given herself to me freely — once I’d gotten passed my need to have her all to myself — with such love and joy and passion that I’d been overwhelmed by it.
She had her own issues from her past, but she never let them bog her down.
She shone so brightly and loved so deeply, that I’d been stunned by the wonderful sensation of someone actually caring for me.
It wasn’t something I’d ever felt, not from my family, nor anyone else.
Izzy cared.
She cared for me, and Myel, and Koar, even Rook. She cared for this world, which hadn’t even been her home two weeks ago. She had enough devotion in her heart to help everyone in the three realms, to bring peace and equality to lands which had never known either. That was the Izzy I knew and loved.
This past week and a bit, basking in the radiance of Izzy’s spirit, I’d finally started to live a life where my moral convictions no longer warred with my duty.
I’d experienced true peace in my soul and that had finally allowed me to come to terms with everything I’d done in the past. I’d begun the process of healing, of forgiving myself for the atrocities I’d committed.
Eventually, I’d seek out those I’d hurt, or their loved ones, and make amends, but first I had to be true to myself.
And forgiveness didn’t mean an absence of guilt, only that my guilt fueled accountability, not shame.
I vowed to do better, be better, live a life which made me proud of myself.
Watching Izzy’s determination to learn and grow had inspired me to change myself for the better as well.
And ever since I’d forgiven myself, I’d been able to access a deeper well within my spirit.
And I used that now to help strengthen and support the woman I loved.
Because she needed someone to care for her, while her care for this world flagged. She needed to get her spirit back, needed to stand strong against Saldrea, against oppression, and to do that, she needed to find her fire once more.
I closed my eyes, feeling my own blazing spirit, and sank down into that bonfire to find my connection to Izzy, where sour sickness seeped in.
I stopped that flow, then began to reverse it, pushing my light and spirit through our connection, into her.
She gave a long, slow intake of breath, then an equally long sigh.
“Was that you?” she whispered.
I smiled as I opened my eyes to meet her gaze through the prison bars.
“I’m only giving you back some of what you’ve given me since our link formed.”
She smiled at that. It wasn’t a big thing, and it didn’t last long, but it gave me hope.
I went on. “Not only have you literally saved my life, bringing me back from the brink of death, but you’ve inspired me to change myself, better myself.
You mended my body and your example — your work ethic, your indomitable spirit — gave me the strength to mend my soul.
So yes, I’m giving you some small part of what you’ve given me. ”
A tear left her eye and traced her cheek.
“Oh, Vyns, thank you.” Soul-weariness edged the hope of those four simple words.
She drew in another deep breath. And though she trembled as she let it out again, her back straightened, head once again held high.
“Sorry, I lost myself there, for a moment.”
“You experienced something far worse than any of us could ever imagine, so don’t beat yourself up for it. I’m glad you’re back with us again.”
“I am.” Another deep, long breath. “So, what’s the plan?” She was still far from her full strength of spirit, but she was trying and that’s what counted.
“For you? Stay strong. The trials you’ll face here aren’t done.
The authorities will return in a bit for your confession, to be broadcast across campus and all of El’Arias.
You’ll need to go through with it and make it sound good, so as to please Saldrea…
but you have a chance here as well. You’ll have to be subtle, but Saldrea has essentially given you a platform to tell this world what you’d hoped to achieve.
Your confession can also be your manifesto, since what she’s asking you to say is essentially the truth.
You do mean to overthrow the government here and change this world. So say it proudly.”
“Huh… I hadn’t thought of it that way, you’re right.”
“And secondly…” I lowered my voice even more.
“You need to fight… in secret. You’re stronger than that binding collar.
I heard what Lhorine told you: all bindings can be undone, if you’re powerful enough…
and you are. You have to be. No matter who made that collar, you’re stronger, I’ve seen it, I know it.
Everyone knows it. You’re your mother’s child.
You hold her legacy. You beat Saldrea and Golana combined.
You can do it. Lhorine taught you how to wear down a binding, like a slow river carving a gorge.
So, even if you only have access to a tiny bit of your power, that’s enough.
Wear down the collar. It may not be easy, nor quick, but you can do it. ”
She smiled.
“You’ve thought of everything, haven’t you?”
“I’m more than just a pretty face,” I quipped.
“So much more,” she breathed, then we both leaned in close for an awkward kiss through the bars.
She blew out a breath.
“Okay… I can do this.”
And it was just in time, as the authorities then returned, ready to take Izzy’s confession and broadcast it out to the world.