35. VERENA GRAVENHURST
THIRTY-FIVE
VERENA GRAVENHURST
Lying here in the arms of the man I’ve longed for on so many nights, I feel whole for the first time in my entire existence.
Here, in this grey area between life and the beyond, I hold onto a love so divine, it would be worth dying for, over and over again.
Loxen kisses the top of my head, and I nuzzle into his side.
The moon hangs above us, the same way it did the first night we claimed this spot as our own.
I could lie here with him, in the folds of time, for the rest of my life.
“Verena.” Loxen’s voice is soft but serious, as he brushes easy strokes over my hair. “I’m ready to tell you my story. The whole story. I shouldn’t have waited as long as I have, but we’re running out of time now, and you must know the truth.”
I press my cheek into his warm chest, close my eyes, and nod.
“I told you once that Ambrose found my mother’s beaten body on the side of the road, only half alive when she was just three months pregnant with me.
But what I didn’t tell you was how she ended up there,” he explains, and I peer up at him.
“She was left by my father. A man unworthy of being called a father at all, Charles Sullivan.”
The mention of the Sullivans sends a jerk of anxiety through me, and rekindles my memory of the last few things Reed uttered before taking my life. Something about Loxen’s mom, and taking back what was rightfully his. My brows furrow. “So then Reed…”
“Is my half-brother.”
And I’ve been dating him.
“Lox, I’m so sorry. I didn’t—”
He huffs a laugh, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “Of course, you didn’t know. Hell, I only found out last year,” he offers me a forced smile.
“How’d you find out?” I ask.
“When your mother died, your grandfather went a little…off the rails.” He glances back down at me.
“After five years of watching him spiral, I couldn’t bear to see him suffering any longer, so I started doing some sleuthing of my own, trying to dig up anything I could find to put his mind at ease.
One day, I found a file on his desk about Charles.
And in it, I found hundreds of misdeeds and crimes he’s committed over the years, just like the one you found.
And in that file, sure enough, was an article about my mother, left injured with his unborn son.
Ambrose knew all along, and he chose to give me and my mom a life we never would have had outside of the manor.
While the prestigious families of Hollowcrest saw Ambrose as the villain, he was a hero to us.
When he began looking into your mother’s death, he would do anything to find information, even if that meant crossing the other founding families to get it.
Charles turned everyone against him, and after months into his research, I couldn’t watch him suffer any longer, following dead end after dead end.
It was driving him mad, Verena. So, I joined the society. ”
“You did what?” I raise my voice, sitting up straight.
“I needed the answers to the questions Ambrose couldn’t see. I told Reed the truth about his father and threatened to tell everyone if he didn’t let me in. I was initiated the next night. Two weeks later, Ambrose died, and my plan went to shit.”
“And, did you find the answers? Did you find out who caused the accident?” I shift nervously, searching his eyes. Sorrow fills them, and I know the answer before he says it.
“No.” He shakes his head, breaking his eyes away from mine. “Reed became violent and desperate for power, and before I could figure it out, he—” Something dark crossed over Loxen’s expression. His lips press into a flat line as he rubs the back of his neck, avoiding my eyes.
I slide my hand over his jaw, turning his head to face me, letting him know it’s safe to tell me.
“He what, Lox?”
His eyes bore into mine, and a long moment passes before he speaks again. “He killed me.”
The words steal the air from my lungs. My hand drops from his cheek.
Reed Killed Loxen.
Reed. Killed. Loxen.
I’ve been here, between life and death, for who knows how long, so consumed with the fact he’s here with me that I didn’t stop for one second to ask myself how Loxen got here in the first place.
Bile churns in my stomach at the thought of me trusting, let alone kissing, a man like Reed.
What the fuck was I thinking? I push myself from the ground, retrieving my dress, rumpled on the grass a few steps away from us.
Anger burns hot under my skin as I pull it on quickly and wrap Loxen’s jacket around my shoulders.
Loxen gets to his feet, allowing me a moment to process everything he’s just told me before he speaks again. “Verena.”
Rapid, uncontrolled breaths expel from my body. I whip around to face him. “What?”
He leans against the tree, shirtless, in nothing but his trousers, and my heart aches at the sight.
“Come here,” he orders.
I shake my head, no longer able to stop the tears from flowing. Loxen approaches me, pulling me into a hug. Sobs wrack through my body as he holds me quietly.
“I’m so sorry, Lox.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, little crow.”
“I should have listened to you! Instead, I-I—” I try to catch my breath.
“Shhh,” Loxen soothes, “it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not okay! Nothing is okay, Lox. I don’t want to go back there; nothing is left for me there when you’re here!”
His arms snake around my lower back. “I’ve longed for a simple moment where I’d get to hold you in my arms. I don’t want you to go back either, pretty girl, but sadly, that is not my choice to make. You have unfinished business on the other side.”
“Will I ever see you again?” I pout, feeling my heart shattering into tiny shards as I speak words of such sadness.
“Nothing could keep me away from you, my love. Not the moon nor the stars could keep me from finding you again.” Loxen kisses my forehead, and I grip hold of him in an embrace so tight, it would take a force such as the universe itself to tear us apart.
Wiping away freshly shed tears, I tilt my head back and press my lips against his in a sweet, delicate kiss.
Sudden movement catches my attention from the corner of my eye.
There is suddenly not enough air in the world for me to catch my breath at the sight that beholds me.
Walking towards us, in such perfect, pristine attire, is the other man who holds such a large piece of my heart.
The man who so quickly became my friend, and undoubtedly became my family.
Archie’s strides close the gap between us, and I can’t help but choke back a sob when I see him sludging forward in his large plum rainboots.
The attire is all wrong, but he looks the most comfortable I have ever seen him.
He greets me with the widest smile I have yet to see on his face, and my heart breaks a little more.
“Miss Ren, fancy seeing you in such a place,” he teases, and I can’t help but smile at the way he tries to lighten the moment, even though his being here could only mean one thing. I throw my arms around him as the tears break free for my fallen friend.
“You shouldn’t be here, Archie, this isn’t right!” My words are more a complaint to the world than anything else. This isn’t fair! He holds me, stroking my hair, like he would to calm a small child.
“Now, now, Miss Ren. Nothing is fair when it comes to death; it is just something that one has to accept as a consequence for having the privilege to love so deeply when one is alive.”
I know he’s right. When is he ever wrong?
But it doesn’t make this moment hurt any less.
Archie is like the grandfather I never knew.
He was the only family I had in this world.
And to be forced back into that dreadful existence without him?
It’s a lot to process for my already aching heart.
Archie’s smile is one I will etch into my memory.
His wisdom, his candour, and his grace with which he used to face the world are those of a noble man, and that will forever be his legacy.
Lifting my chin high, I give him my best smile and repeat the words he spoke to me when I needed them the most in such sorrow.
“You may grieve the dead, but do not let grief rule your heart.”
A look of pride washes over his face, and I know now more than ever, I will set out to make him proud.
“Your time is near, Miss Ren. You are capable of so much more than you know. Remember who you are and remember the name you bear.” Archie hugs me one last time. “Goodbye, Miss Ren.”
“Goodbye, Archibald,” I say on a sob. Archie breaks away from me, giving Loxen a warm smile and a nod. My heart splits wide open as he leisurely takes his last stroll through the garden, plucks an iris from the soil, giving it one long sniff, and vanishes behind cascading willow branches.
I stand there frozen and defeated, but Loxen’s hard body stands directly behind me like an anchor, keeping me upright.
“I love you, never forget,” he says into the crook of my neck, placing a soft kiss against it. His words sound an awful lot like a goodbye, and it breaks me from my nightmare. I turn towards him and reach for his chest, but my hand begins to disappear. It happens slowly, then all at once.
The last thing I see before a blinding white flash and a firm tug from somewhere in my chest is a tear slip from Loxen’s blue eyes.
“I’ll be seeing you, little crow.”