Soul Memories
The night was ominous and welcoming because it was as dark as we felt.
We didn’t know who hurt our friend or how badly she was suffering, but we were going to be by her side to the end.
No words were spoken to not wake our caretakers.
After rolling down Bertha’s driver’s window, I threw the keys to Sarah, motioning for her to get behind the steering wheel, while gesturing to the boys to get behind the car.
Sarah slid in and waited for me to nod, telling her to put the big old car in drive.
The rest of us grunted to get the heavy metal rolling, then eased it down the road until far enough away from the house.
“Brakes.” I knew Sarah would hear me. She was tuned in to me like a psychic and wanted to reach the hospital as much as Sebastian.
A squeak sung out as she brought Bertha to a stop, before putting her back in park.
Silently, we all got in, carefully shutting the doors.
The engine purred to life, and we disappeared into the night like a rolling storm, searching for our light. Our beacon. Our Blue.
Since Finn was the oldest and looked so, we sent him inside the hospital to find out what ER room Blue was in. I knew it was bad when he came back outside claiming she had been admitted.
Seb was beside himself in the back seat, cracking his neck and shoving his fists to his thighs, hardly noticing his glasses were slightly askew. “W-w-what is ICU?”
Getting out of the parked car, I growled, “Intensive care unit. Let’s go.”
Noma, I need you. Get me to that girl.
Sneaking down a hallway, I wasn’t shocked to see Kristen asleep in a waiting room outside the ICU.
Continuing, I was in the lead, hoping I could get us past nurses.
It was now almost one in the morning and so very quiet.
Two nurses were on the computers at their station, so everyone followed my lead, ducking down to pass undetected.
As if Noma were guiding me, I led us straight to Blue.
Entering her room, I was taken back in time… The machines, the sounds, the smells…
Years ago, I had been in a bed just like Blue. Noma was with me, loving me, seeing me through. Blue was… all alone. Under the blankets, the bed dwarfed her tiny form.
She was asleep, or unconscious, and maybe that was a blessing. Either way, we were presented with a horrific sight. Worse than the first night we met her. So beaten, it was easy to understand how dire her condition was, and why the staff had admitted her.
My past had been a ruthless teacher, and it continued to instruct me.
There was no mercy. Maybe because of Noma’s profession, I was the only one who stepped forward toward Blue’s bed.
Sarah was in Caleb’s arms, trying to muffle a scream.
Seb stood motionless. His heart so raw, exposed, and haunted as he pulled at his hair, rocked to the core.
Getting closer to Blue, I realized I failed her. I’d kept her secret, and she had paid the price. I lifted her little hand and saw her marked knuckles, then whispered to myself and whoever was listening, “She fought back.” I had never been so proud and so ill at the same time. “Blue, we’re here.”2
We all gasped when Blue’s eyes slowly opened. It felt like witnessing an angel sing.
As on, the first day we met her and her busted lip hurt her to eat, it obviously hurt her to smile, but she did anyway, “Hi.”
Seb rushed forward and grabbed her other hand as gently as possible.
Everyone seemed to feel the same. Stepping forward. Wanting to touch her but terrified to cause her an ounce more of pain.
Sebastian seemed choked on so many emotions that he couldn’t speak.
He didn’t need to.
Blue spoke for them both. “I missed you.”
He nodded with tears streaming like rivers through mountains, pooling slightly behind his glasses, in a dam that couldn’t possibly hold them back.
I wanted to give him all the time he deserved with Blue, but knew we only had mere moments before getting kicked out of her room, so I had to push for answers. Since, according to what I had overheard with Dale, she wouldn’t talk to others, I had to be the one to help her—
“He is mad at me.”
At the sight of Blue, my mind wanted to shut down, but my heart insisted I never fail her again. So it focused like a sharp laser beam. He. The pastor. “Is that who hurt you?”
She nodded weakly.
The pastor was her father. How could he do this? “But… Why, Blue?”
Little eyebrows, that hadn’t been cleaned of blood completely, scrunched together. “Because who hurt me first now suffers.” Her bottom lip quivered with… guilt? “But he was wrong, though. Right, Johhny? Those things he did to me? They are wrong?”
I hadn’t been told the details of her abuse, however, I wasn’t na?ve.
I’d heard of grown men wanting sexual acts from children.
Plus, from how Seb had told me about the way Blue had reacted after a sweet kiss…
“Yes,” I promised. Even though I was still confused, I knew, no matter what, she should be guilt-free.
“He was wrong to ask such things from someone so young, and someone who didn’t want to do them. ”
Brave Blue, with so much relief, lifted her chin. Staring at the ceiling, as if speaking to her lord, she said, “Then I accept my sin for being happy that those things happened to him in prison.”
And there it was: karma.
My dark side internally groaned, so pleased.
Appreciating karma had found that man, it still didn’t explain the connection between the pastor and the man who harmed his child.
Somehow, I was missing a huge detail of her story.
That’s why I shook my head to clear my baffled mind.
“Wait, what does that man have to do with the—” Pastor?
I was still trying to honor her secret while fulfilling Dale’s wish.
There was so much peace around Blue as she gazed at me. True serenity as she spoke words that stunted me. “Because he is his father, too.”
As if a tidal wave had slammed into me, I stumbled back, my hand releasing hers. “No.” The room spun, threatening to knock me to my knees. “Noooo.”
The reason for the present beating was he—the pastor who didn’t have a sliver of grace in his criminal body—attacked Blue for what his son deserved. A stay in prison where his, like Blue’s, permission wasn’t requested.
I wanted to confirm that man was getting what he deserved, but could sense the energy shifting around Blue.
Death’s gift was speaking to me again. I could feel angelic energy present, like I had with Noma, breaking my heart once more.
If there is a god, he didn’t want Blue to suffer any longer and was calling this precious girl home.
Not a-fucking-gain!
I raced forward and held Blue’s hand, wanting to hold her to this earth.
But she was leaving. All I could do was hope for a few more moments to say what needed to be said.
Choking on a pain I knew would change all my fellow fosters forever, I promised her, “All those tender moments you had with Seb weren’t wrong.
They were the magic that makes life perfect. ”
Sebastian and Blue had found their way to a healthy sexual relationship. Young adults in love.
Blue suddenly looked to Seb. Her bruised eyes full of adoration. “And I’m happy I sinned with all your sweet kisses.”
Tears seeped into Sebastian’s mouth as he forced himself to smile. Then, he kissed her hand. “I… I…”
“Say it.” I didn’t mean to sound harsh, but we only had seconds left. I couldn’t forgive myself if Seb didn’t have this last moment.
His expression changing, Seb’s head tilted as if hearing me, true. His breathing became labored as he slowly looked to Blue, who was weakening right before all our eyes. “But—”
I growled at the unfairness of this, all the while telling Seb, “Brother, speak. Now.”
So proud of the strength he suddenly summoned, I watched as Seb got face-to-face Blue.
With a commitment of an old man who had lived a full life, he vowed, “I love you. I’ve loved you since that night you appeared in that doorway.
I think I’ve loved you before I ever met you. And I always will. I swear it, Blue.”
Every Misfit stood there, in shock.
Sebastian spoke clearly. He didn’t have one. Single. Stutter.
Happy tears slipped down battered cheeks that smiled for only Sebastian.
Maybe I was nuts, but it was like Blue matured right before our eyes. Appearing older, like the age her soul truly was, she told Seb, “You have made this tough life one I’d live over and over, just for one more kiss.”
Instinctively, I stepped back. The power in the room was strong enough to have pushed me out of the doorway, yet I sensed it didn’t want to be forceful with me.
It was almost as if I had permission to witness the soulmates…
recognize one another. Bright light glowed from within them both as they stared at each other.
So much being said without one word shared.
It was absolute and miraculous.
These two souls loved on a level I don’t think many give themselves a chance to experience.
As if understanding it would be some time before seeing his dearest again, Sebastian leaned over and shared a kiss of this lifetime.
Blue’s lips held on to his, offering so much affection… Until they stilled… and our Blue was gone.
My ears rang in shock.
Machines wailed in alarm.
Seb? He stayed calm as he folded her hands over her chest. Then, as I had with Noma, he kissed her forehead. “Goodbye, Baby Blue.”
Baby Blue. Jesus. That was her in so many ways. I’d even dare to say she was the glue that brought us all together.
Getting past all the medical staff running in, Sebastian led us out Blue’s door. Walking behind him, down the hallway, I observed how he now appeared taller, older, more cemented to this earth. After this night that we lost Blue, my fellow foster never stuttered again.
Maybe it’s true. Everyone and everything has its purpose.
Illusion or imagination…?