Chapter Three - Teagan
I’m dragged through the mansion’s hallways. It’s all honey-dark wood flecked with gold, and forest-green runners laid dead-centre. Art hangs on the wall, the type that people ooh and ahh at, but means nothing unless you really fucking love apples and pears.
‘Sen left me.’
The thought is a little needle that pricks every time I think his name, and knowing he hasn’t raced back sinks that needle deeper.
I don’t know why. He’s no one. Nothing to me.
Or maybe he’s everything to me?
But that’s impossible.
Kai plonks me into a chair and asks in a rush of jumbled words if I’m cold or hungry, or thirsty or a million other things except the one thing I actually want.
Sen.
I shouldn’t care about a random guy who left me with nothing but dust. But weirdly, confusingly—I really, really do.
“—listening to me, Teagan?” Kai asks.
“Not really,” I breathe out, slouching in my chair as I try to sort out these new feelings, wishing I had a paintbrush to explain what they mean. I run my fingers over my broken skateboard, like maybe that’ll give up some answers.
Do I care because Sen was handsome?
Nah. That isn’t right.
I’ve seen plenty of beautiful people, besides…he wasn’t just handsome.
Sen’s eyes were dark, a true black. What colours would I use to enhance that darkness? The whites would have to be as brilliant as possible. But then the angles…his nose was crooked, as if he’d broken it a couple of times, and he wore it like a badge of pride.
Sen doesn’t hide what others would think of as flaws…
Then his lips. What colour? What shape? Dusty rose? No, gotta be something browner. Peachy? Maybe. Fuck.
I need a canvas.
“Who’s Sen?” I ask, cutting off whatever Kai’s rambling about.
My bro’s mouth snaps shut. He glances at Vidar, who stands cross-armed and towering at my brother’s side. They share a quick, silent conversation that rubs me the wrong way.
“Sen is a family member of mine,” Vidar finally says, staring down at me.
I don’t question how a very white Vidar is related to a very Japanese Sen.
I hated it when I’d introduce Kai, and people would immediately count up the differences between us, how Kai is light brown with green eyes and angular features, and I’m dark-skinned with round eyes and a short-ass.
Then they’d wait with sympathetic faces at the ready, pretending not to have noticed the mottled scars on the left side of Kai’s face, for the words ‘Kai’s adopted’.
As if they’ve decided we aren’t a real family, and are entitled to an explanation they were never gonna get.
“Why…” I begin, tentative while rubbing at the flaking paint across my knuckles, “Why wouldn’t Sen want me?”
A small wounded noise leaves my brother, and he’s falling to his knees while grabbing my hands, forcing me to look into his too-tight smile.
“You’ve done nothing wrong, little bro. Remember that. Sen is just…” Kai trails off.
“Busy.” Vidar finishes, and my hackles rise at the finality in that single word. Like he’s an authority in my life, and I’ve just gotta shut up and listen. “So it’d be for the best if you forgot about Sen for now.”
“And stay away from the mansion,” Kai adds with a rushed, frantic edge. “Not for long, though. I promise. Soon.”
They stare at me, Kai grinning like a lunatic and Vidar like a father figure who knows best, expecting me to agree like the good little brother.
I stay silent. Not because I don’t have anything to say, but because this is complete and utter bullshit.
“Besides, your brother told me you used to attend university,” Vidar states. “Focus on that.”
Vidar’s words are a slow, gradual slap, and when the impact finally lands, I rip my hands from Kai’s and bolt upright, causing Kai to stumble back.
“Careful!” Vidar warns, steadying Kai by the shoulders.
Kai lays a hand on his forearm. “Vidar, I’m fine—”
“I don’t know who the hell you think you are, or why the fuck you think you get a say in my life,” I bite out at Vidar, hoping every quiet word cuts deep, “but I do know you’ve hurt my brother, and you’re isolating him from his family. He might’ve forgiven you, but like fuck I will.”
“Teagan, that isn’t what’s happening!” Kai insists.
I glare harder at Vidar, who hasn’t moved an inch. “So get your fucking nose outta my business, and shove it right up your ass.”
“Fuck sakes, Teagan.” Kai groans, eyes rolling upwards. His annoyingly big boyfriend only cocks an eyebrow.
I glare at Kai. “And you, I’m starting to wonder if I know you at all.”
Kai gasps, hurt flashing in his eyes.
“You’re lying to me, Kai!” I’m not one to raise my voice, even now, I don’t.
But my anger won’t stop flowing out of me.
“And for the record, I’m not telling you anything about uni until you tell me what’s happening.
Why are you acting strange and keeping secrets?
Why aren’t you at your flat anymore? Is something wrong? ”
Kai huffs, throwing his arms up, frustrated that I’m being stubborn. But I can tell he’s lying from the way his shoulders draw in tight. “Nothing has changed. I’m fine.”
I wait for Kai to say more, but when he doesn’t, I turn on my heel and storm out of the room, heading for the front door. My grip on my broken skateboard is so hard it could splinter.
Kai’s feet pound against the green runners as he follows. “I’m not trying to upset you, but you also need to bloody listen to me!”
I stay quiet. Why waste the air in my lungs explaining that I miss him and it feels like he’s pushing me away? That I’m sad and angry, and for some fucking reason I can’t stop thinking about Sen!
Kai grabs hold of my forearm and forces me to halt, moving around to face me. “Teagan, you know I love you so much, and Thomas, Mum and Dad, you’re my whole world.” He lets out a shaky breath. “But so is Vidar and… right now, I know what’s best for you. Okay?” he says, imploring me to listen.
“I ain’t five, Kai. I get that you’ve got a life outside me. I want that for you.” I wet my dry lips. “I get you’ve got secrets, everyone fucking does. But this is more. You’re not replying to messages, not turning up to work—”
Kai sucks in a breath, his eyes full of questions, like it’s crazy I’d check in on him when he’s spent his life checking in on me.
“And why did you forgive that asshole?” I throw a pointed glare at Vidar as he silently moves beside Kai. “He hurt you, you told me! You said he didn’t want you, when you’re so much better than he ever could be.”
Guilt flashes in Vidar’s grey gaze. A wiggle of doubt nudges at the back of my mind when he doesn’t try to hide it.
“Vidar is…” Kai sighs. “Vidar is my one true love.”
Vidar lays a hand on Kai’s shoulder in support, and I snort out a frustrated breath. Kai’s searched his whole life for his so-called one true love. So whatever ridiculous romance is happening between them might make sense to Kai and Vidar, but I don’t get it.
“Your brother and I love each other very much,” Vidar says.
I make a gagging sound, to which Kai rolls his eyes at me and, if I’m reading him right, a little bit at Vidar, too. At least I haven’t completely lost him.
“And as for Sen,” Vidar continues, “we’re only doing what’s necessary to keep you safe, Teagan.”
I let out a frustrated noise. “Safe from what?”
Kai reaches for his braids and tugs, his nervous habit.
“Once Sen isn’t so busy, maybe we can introduce you again,” Vidar adds.
I glare up at him, annoyed that neither of them seems to be taking me seriously. “So you fuck my brother, and suddenly that makes us family?”
Kai runs a hand over his face. “Teagan!”
Vidar doesn’t budge an inch, and that pisses me off more.
This whole thing pisses me off, and it hurts. I can handle things. I’m allowed to have my own thoughts and feelings. Fuck them for shoving me in a corner, demanding I accept what they want without having a single thought for what I want.
It happened once. Not again. Not from anyone.
I square my shoulders. “You don’t want me around, Kai? Fine. You got it,” I spit, trying to keep down the pressure building behind my eyes.
Kai moves closer, but I step back. “Please don’t say that, Teagan.”
Turning, I rush towards the entrance and rip open the door, my feet crunching across the pebbled courtyard as I force myself further away from Kai.
“At least let me drive you home!”
“Don’t bother.” I throw over my shoulder.
“Teagan,” Kai calls out, chasing after me. “Don’t be stubborn.”
I spin on him, my nails chipping away the green paint on my skateboard. “Fine. Tell me why, big bro, when I hugged you…” My shoulders tremble. “Why are you cold?”
Kai goes deathly still.
I swallow, my bottom lip trembling. “Are you sick? Has he made you sick?”
Vidar, his large frame filling out the doorway, stills. It’s a weird stillness, like he’s become a statue. Not even his chest rises. He doesn’t even blink. It causes a shiver of fear to crawl up my spine.
Kai steps forward, nervously tugging his braids. “I just want you to be safe.”
“If you gotta hurt and lie to someone, that ain’t keeping them safe. That’s keeping you safe.”
Kai lets out a trembling, wet breath, and I immediately want to apologise.
This is my big brother. I might not have had much of a plan when I decided to gatecrash, but fighting wasn’t even on the list.
Vidar wraps his meaty paws around Kai’s waist, and whatever apology I was about to mumble dies on my tongue. Why does this stranger get to know more about my family than me?
It isn’t fair.
I twist around and rush away from the mansion, paint-stained trainers kicking up pebbles as I turn into the dark, empty road. Kai cries out my name, but he doesn’t follow.
Good. I don’t want him to.
Soon enough, I slow into a walk. It isn’t as fun going fast when my skateboard is broken, and I wanna cry.
I drag my feet along the pockmarked road, annoyed that I’ll soon need to turn back. I’m in the middle of nowhere, and I might be stubborn, but I’m not walk-all-the-way-back-into-the-city stubborn.
But first, I gotta blow off steam. The gentle breeze is cold, but refreshing as it rushes over my overheated face, and this long road gives me time to think.
I wish Kai wouldn’t keep secrets. I wish…it wouldn’t cause memories of uni to resurface, of being trapped in a corner, surrounded by shrill laughter.
More than anything, I wish I could get over these hurts.
And I wish Sen would come back. He wouldn’t make anything better, I don’t even know the guy. But as I keep walking, a small part of my mind thinks if I just keep on going…I’ll find him.
I blow out a raspberry.
I’m a fucking idiot.
And now, like a bigger idiot, I gotta go back to deal with Kai and Vidar.
I’m about to turn when a pair of white headlights come my way. Wincing from the glare, I sidestep onto the muddy edges of the road to avoid the car, the ice underneath my shoes crunching.
Tyres squeak as it begins to slow, and I bring my forearm up to shield my eyes, gripping my skateboard as the rounded, dark vehicle gradually slows beside me. There’s a click before the window rolls down, and only when I see a fluffy purple coat do I relax.
“Hey, babe, you alright?”
“Summer,” I breathe out, relieved to see a familiar face. She works as a handywoman at the same tattoo studio as Kai. “I’m… alright, I guess.”
Summer’s eyebrows pull in. “That doesn’t sound okay.” She indicates to the passenger seat with her chin, the blonde hair she’s pulled into a ponytail falling over her shoulder. “Need a ride?”
I pause. I should go back to speak to Kai. But then again, what’d be the point if he’s going to keep lying?
So I nod.
She smiles, her eyes warming. “Hop in.”