Chapter Eighteen- Teagan
With my hands on Kai’s shoulders, he lets out an oofh as I push him into a chair positioned before the dresser, where I’ve balanced the large, circular mirror on top.
“That doesn’t look very secure…” Kai grumbles to my back while I stride into the bedroom’s ensuite to collect some of his hair supplies neatly piled on a shelf.
I return with my arms full and dump everything onto the opposite armchair, slapping Kai away with a rat tail comb when he reaches to organise the items.
“You should put them in order of what you’ll use,” he huffs.
I ignore him as I stroll back into the bathroom to fill a spray bottle with warm water. I’m surprised that when I come back, he hasn’t moved the hair products.
Standing behind him, I section his braids into four even parts…well, evenish.
Kai clears his throat while I snap a hair band around one section that’s smaller than the others and flops down the side of his face like a bunny ear.
He clears his throat again when I snap multiple hair bands around two sections to keep them out of my way.
Losing his patience, Kai throws up his hands. “Use the bloody sectioning clips, Teagan.”
I don’t, because it’s funny when Kai rolls his eyes and falls back into the chair like I’m being difficult on purpose.
Which I am.
I spray his braids with the water bottle and definitely don’t, on purpose, get the back of his t-shirt wet, causing Kai to grumble.
I grab the bottle of jojoba oil to run the nozzle across the line of exposed scalp, using two fingers to massage it into his skin to keep everything healthy and flake-free.
Then, using the rat tail comb, I twist his new, honey-brown hair growth into his bleached braid.
I’ve always loved doing this. Our other brother Thomas hates braids, and hates it more when I try to freshen up his tight curls. But Kai melts like butter while I work, and instead of brushes and paint, oils and gels are my tools to express my feelings. Kai my canvas.
Before I painted that storming sea for Sen, I was choked with too much and lashing out in any direction. Now I understand myself better, and can make up for being a bit of a dickhead.
Distantly, I wonder if Sen would let me do his hair.
“You’ll need to bleach your roots soon,” I tell Kai.
“I know, but you know I always need help with the back.” Kai shoots me a half smile in the mirror, and a seed of warmth grows in my chest. “Besides, it ain’t like I can ask Golden for help.” We both snort, sharing a knowing look.
I start work on the next row of braids. “For a guy with such pretty curls, Golden’s not great at looking after them.”
Kai hums in agreement, but then says, “He’s getting better.”
I cock an eyebrow.
“Fine,” Kai relents. “I taught Lucero—the guy with dark hair and blue eyes—how to do Golden’s hair.”
“Sounds about right.”
I go back to Kai’s braids. Spraying, oiling, twisting. Taking care of my brother in a way that Vidar can’t. Or can’t yet.
“Why are your eyebrows doing that?”
I keep my lips sealed.
“You’re still pissed off with Vidar,” Kai heaves a sigh.
Chewing on my bottom lip, I start work on the next section. “What are you gonna do with your shitty flat?”
“It isn’t shitty. Why does everyone think that?”
“Because it is.”
“Little bro, c’mon.” Kai stares at me with his pleading jade eyes. “Let’s talk about Vidar—”
“Do you still have the unicorn pencil I got you?” I blurt out, never stopping my task.
“Of course.” Kai frowns. “What’s happening in that head of yours, Teagan? Do you think I’m gonna leave you behind or something?”
This time, when our eyes connect in the mirror, I flinch away. I feel like the annoying little brother who’s trying to catch up with the big kids. Kai doesn’t push, but in this moment I wish he would. I wish he’d shove so hard that the words sitting at the back of my throat tumble out.
I open my mouth, find all the things I want to say, then heave them to the surface letter by letter. “There’s just been a lot of…change.”
I pause retwisting Kai’s hair to stare at the dry paint coating my knuckles, shiny with jojoba oil.
“And uni fucking sucked…” I tack on in the smallest whisper.
Kai tries to turn, but I make him stay put and pick up another braid to get back to work. The whole time, I feel the heat of Kai’s gaze, wanting to burn away all the bullshit and expose my ugly truth.
Kai once told me loving someone was like falling and hoping that person will catch you. But I don’t need hope with Kai. I’ve always known.
“There, I guess…” I trail off. Sigh. Then start again, “At uni I slept around a lot. Like a lot.”
“Yeah, mate.” I hear the eyeroll, but no judgment, in Kai’s voice. “I know.”
“There was this guy. Carter. We were friends, then I found out I fucked his ex. But like, who cares? Carter was sleeping around, too. It’s art school, everyone was fucking.”
I swallow, let loose a shaky breath.
“Carter was always kinda mean, but in that fun way. Or I just didn’t realise it wasn’t fun until he’d make comments on everything. I. Fucking. Did.”
I oil Kai’s scalp. Stroke gel into his braid. Twist. Repeat. Feel the weight of Kai’s attention, his love. It isn’t a scary, suffocating thing, but a soft place to land.
“Everyone I thought was my friend started joining in. Slurs are funny, right? Doesn’t matter that I’m queer and he’s queer—and everyone else was kinda queer—as long as it gets a laugh…
” I tsk, biting back the tears burning behind my eyes.
I don’t tell Kai about the pink room. I’m still too raw after exposing that hurt to Sen.
“That fucking cunt,” Kai spits.
“Yeah. Fucking cunt,” I choke out, voice wobbling.
The words become too heavy again, and I go back to focusing on my brother. This helps me stay focused, stay present and inside my body when it’d be so easy to slip away.
“So I left uni because he and his dickhead friends weren’t actually my friends. I felt lied to, betrayed. Then I get home, and everything is different, and you’re now with a guy who hurt you…” A single tear rolls down my cheek. “And you’re keeping…secrets…and those secrets felt like lies…”
Kai is up, the chair shoved aside so he can envelop me in his arms. I drop the comb onto the carpet and hug him back, burying my face into his floppy bunny-ear bunch of hair.
“You know, when you met Sen and everything just clicked?” Kai asks.
I nod. Sniffle. Rub the next tear that comes out into Kai’s shoulder. “Because he’s my soulmate.”
“Because he’s your soulmate,” Kai agrees so softly, then adds, “And Vidar is mine.” The words leave him as if he can’t believe he lucked out, when Vidar should be the lucky one. “But Vidar thought he was straight and we couldn’t be together.”
I pull back to level him with a look. “Isn’t he like super old?”
“It takes longer for some people to understand themselves,” Kai replies with a single shrug.
I let loose an amused, wet hiccup. “His closet must’ve been Narnia-deep.”
“Don’t be a dick,” Kai reprimands with a long-suffering smile.
“And yeah, okay, I’m a demon vampire thing, which was a big surprise and a bigger secret.
But you’ll always, always, be my little brother.
” Kai’s arms tighten, and more of my tears escape.
“And I’m always, always, gonna be your big brother, alright?
No one and nothing is gonna change that.
” Kai grabs my chin to keep me focused on him. “And that Carter guy? Fuck him.”
I rub my face clean with the back of my hand. “Yeah, Sen basically said the same thing.”
Kai drops his hands to place them on his hips, eyebrow raised. “You told him before me, huh?”
I shrug and don’t bother to hide the smile pulling at my lips. “He’s hot.”
Kai laughs, rolling his eyes. “Ah, okay. So if I want you to actually pay attention, I just need to get a hot guy in front of you? Noted.”
“Doesn’t have to be a guy. I’m an equal opportunity objectifier.”
“Funny.” Kai slings an arm around my shoulder, bumping his forehead against mine. “Now listen. People like Carter are jealous fucks. Not just because you’re talented, or slept with his ex, or cute as a button. It’s because, fundamentally, they fucking hate themselves.”
I nod, knowing he’s right even if a small voice tells me I’m the one who should hate myself.
“And all the disgusting things he said to you are really shit he’s saying to himself.”
I drop my head onto Kai’s shoulder and soak in the warmth of his hug. Even if it’s colder than it used to be. I don’t cry anymore. I think I’ve reached my quota for today. I just let myself be held up by my big brother.