Chapter 43Eden
43
Eden
E den watched the TV screen blankly as a deep, calming voice described the Aurora Borealis. Something about nitrogen, oxygen, and high-speed collisions. Her mind tuned out the information, and the world around her felt like a blur, like the streaks of the landscape outside a car window when the car was speeding, colors muddied together. Her head seemed to spin in time with her throbbing heart.
Quentin sat next to her, watching the screen with rapt attention. He loved anything space-related and persistently tried to get her to watch space documentaries with him. Typically, she avoided them like the plague. But in that moment, her indifference seemed all-consuming. He could have played a compilation video of goats screaming, and she likely wouldn't have registered it.
The night after the award show, Quentin showed up at her door and pulled her into his arms as she sobbed uncontrollably. Eden figured Ingrid must’ve sent him, especially with the flood of missed calls from her. She was probably worried Eden would fall back into her old habits like after her last breakup. But this time felt different. There was no anger or shame. Instead, a deep emptiness had settled in, eating away at her until she felt completely hollow.
Quentin had gently guided her to the couch, where she curled up in a fetal position, exhaustion and sadness weighing heavily on her. The tears flowed until her tear ducts gave out, and Quentin stayed by her side as she fell into an exhausted sleep right there on the couch.
The next morning, Eden woke up to the smell of burnt eggs. She found Quentin in her kitchen, smoke pouring from a frying pan, and the fire alarm blaring. The beeping only stopped when he opened the window with an apologetic grin. It was almost funny, and normally, she would’ve laughed, but everything felt drained out of her.
Quentin had been putting on space documentaries, probably trying to distract her. He hadn’t asked about Ronan at all over the last few days—just sat with her. Day after day, it was one documentary after another about black holes, Apollo 11, and aliens.
Four nights had gone by since she’d last seen Ronan, and Eden was doing her best to push him out of her mind, knowing if she didn’t, she’d fall apart. The thought of the documentary’s premiere was making her stomach churn, the idea of seeing him there felt like it would completely break her.
Instead of thinking, she let herself be swallowed by exhaustion, sinking into the hollow feeling inside her. She felt stuck in this endless cycle of emptiness, drifting in and out of sleep on the couch. Quentin kept ordering food for her, though she couldn’t bring herself to eat.
The sun had now set, the sky darkening with the last light of the day. Eden was nodding off to sleep again, the hum of another documentary providing a faint background noise. Suddenly there was a deafening pounding reverberated on her front door, causing Eden's already fragile heart to surge in her chest.
For a fleeting moment, a spark of hope ignited within her—maybe it was Ronan. But then reality crashed in, reminding her that she had made the decision for him. Eden couldn't ignore the massive amount of work Ronan had poured into building his career and achieving his current success. Any connection with her was a scarlet letter, a stigma that would likely tarnish his credibility as a journalist. She knew what she was asking him to give up if they were together, and the thought of being the one to take it all away from him was too much to bear.
Quentin rose from the couch and made his way to the front door. Eden sat up, watching as he approached the door and turned the knob. He pulled the door open a crack and a small figure pushed open the door with a shove. A fiery streak of auburn hair sliced into Eden's living room, catching her by surprise. She watched, her eyes widening, as Sadie Murphy marched purposefully up to her couch.
"You look like shit," Sadie said, her green eyes assessing Eden coolly, lips pursed. She stood with her arms crossed over her chest, her gaze fixated on Eden, who was slumped on the couch.
"Good," Sadie said simply.
Eden knew she must appear completely wretched; her eyes were likely bloodshot and swollen from hours of relentless crying. She felt as broken as she looked.
"I should kick your ass, but it looks like you've been doing that to yourself," Sadie remarked, a tinge of compassion softening her expression as she took in Eden's disheveled appearance.
Quentin hovered near the edge of the couch, trying to stay out of the way. Sadie's eyes cut toward him, narrowing in suspicion like she only just realized he was there.
"Who are you? Her shitty bodyguard? I could have been a crazed stalker, and you just stand there like an oaf," Sadie snapped, eying Quentin as if he were a speck of dirt under her shoe. Her sharp eyes inspected him, totally at odds with her soft features and freckles.
"How did you get in here anyway? You need a code to get through the gate," Quentin huffed, his muscled arms crossed over his chest.
"Jumped the gate," Sadie replied with an air of nonchalance, punctuating it with a casual flip of her auburn hair. Quentin, bemused, mouthed the words "jumped the gate" and nodded in acknowledgment.
Sadie stared at Quentin for a few seconds, her brows furrowing before her eyes narrowed in realization.
"Oh my god, it's you? Now that is rich," Sadie said, laughing. Quentin looked just as confused as Eden felt.
“And you don’t even recognize me. Typical,” Sadie added with a humorless laugh. Eden was about to ask Sadie what she was talking about. How did Sadie know Quentin?
"I almost didn't recognize you without the unitard," Sadie remarked, trailing her eyes over his large frame.
"It's not a unitard, it's a stealth suit," he mumbled, the tops of his cheeks stained pink. “I’m sorry, do I know you from somewhere?” he asked with confusion, his thick eyebrows furrowed.
“Don’t worry about it. I know how you Hollywood types are. You don’t even register people who aren’t in your tax bracket,” Sadie said with a sniff. Quentin opened his mouth to say something, but Sadie cut him off.
"Are you here to swoop in and save the damsel in distress? That's a little up Superman's alley," Sadie said with a roll of her eyes.
"Who are you?" Quentin's voice held an edge, his brows furrowed, and the subtle grind of his teeth hinted at his building frustration.
"And no, off duty," he rolled his eyes. "I am here to help Eden. Not that it's any of your business. She is my friend, meddler ."
Eden had never seen Quentin so frustrated. Interesting... Usually, nothing seemed to rattle him. Quentin was always pleasant, especially with people he didn't know. There were a few times Eden could think of when he had snapped, but it was rare and usually reserved for being overprotective about her or his family.
"Well, you can help by skedaddling, maybe slip on a unitard and fly away? Or whatever it is you do. I need to talk to Eden." Sadie waved him off dismissively. Quentin's annoyance was palpable; his narrowed eyes regarded Sadie with a blend of irritation and disbelief, while she smiled sweetly as if her barbs hadn't just pricked his pride.
"It's fine, Quentin. Let her say her piece," Eden muttered, feeling like a kindergarten teacher stuck mediating between the two.
“She’s been through a lot. Maybe you should skedaddle ,” Quentin huffed, completely ignoring Eden.
"Been through a lot? You should see the state my brother is in. He's an absolute mess," Sadie retorted, shaking her head, frustration etched across her face.
Eden felt a sharp pang at Sadie's words. She had wanted to believe that Ronan was fine, that he wasn’t as affected as she was. But all she could think about was his face when she walked away from him four nights ago. He had looked on the verge of breaking in half, like his world had collapsed. The image haunted her since, only adding to the weight of her own heartbreak.
"I am trying to figure out how you could break things off with him when I know for a fact you are in love with him," Sadie’s words cut through the tension, leaving Eden acutely aware of the unresolved feelings hanging heavily in the air. Eden drew in a small breath, wondering if she was that transparent.
"Don't even bother trying to deny it. I saw you two together, and it was sickening," Sadie remarked, scrunching her nose in disgust.
"Look, it's for the best," Eden replied, her tone filled with a hint of resignation. Best for his career but dismal for her. The words tasted bitter in her mouth, but she forced herself to say them. She had convinced herself that she was doing the right thing, even if it tore her apart inside.
Sadie rolled her eyes. "For the best? For who? You think ruining both your lives is for the best?" Her voice softened slightly. "He’s miserable, Eden. And you look like you’re barely holding it together. Is this really what you want?" Sadie's voice softened, her earlier anger replaced by genuine concern.
No.
Of course, she didn't want it. But it was what was best for him. That Iran position was waiting for Ronan to fill it. He had worked so hard to get to where he was, and she couldn't stand in the way.
"I saw that he was going to Iran," Eden blurted out, the statement flying out of her mouth before she could stop it.
"Iran? No, he doesn't want to go back overseas," Sadie replied, her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.
"Why?" The question lingered in the air. Was it because of her? This was the very reason she had chosen to end things. She didn't want to be the one holding Ronan back. She'd learned the hard way that humans are fickle, their feelings shifting like the wind, sometimes from love to resentment within weeks. What if Ronan gave up his overseas work and then resented her for it later? She couldn't bear the weight of that uncertainty again; it was a surefire path to heartbreak.
"He told me the moment he landed back from Yemen eight months ago that he didn't want to go back overseas," Sadie continued, her voice softening as she relayed the information. "Even before he started working on the documentary, he said he had lost his passion for fieldwork and how it had worn him down. That's why he took your project; he saw it as a chance to explore something different."
Eden's heart pounded in her chest. This was news to her. She had assumed that his desire to stay in the U.S. was temporary, that he would soon miss the fulfillment of international reporting.
"Within the first week of the documentary, he was looking into opportunities in the U.S.," Sadie continued, her eyes locked on Eden's. "He was offered a permanent position at the Los Angeles office, with a prime-time show," Sadie continued.
He wanted to stay in Los Angeles. Hope bubbled in Eden's veins, and her heart thumped excitedly in her chest. She quickly extinguished that spark of hope. It still didn't change the fact that he would risk his reputation being with her. She knew that their relationship meant he was guilty by association. The media would undoubtedly cast him as a villain alongside her, and Ronan's reputation as a serious journalist could be at stake. She envisioned the potential of him losing his position at BNN, and with that, their relationship turned bitter and resentful.
"I care about him enough to shield him from my reputation," Eden admitted, her voice thick with emotion. "He almost lost this project because of me. Being with me is social suicide." Sadie shook her head.
"That isn't true, Eden. Even if it were, Ronan doesn't care. Don't you get it?" Sadie urged, her eyes reflecting genuine concern for her. "He.. cares about you. Deeply. And he's willing to face whatever comes with that."
Eden looked down, embarrassed by her insecurities and the impact they had on her decisions. "But what if being with me ruins his career? What if he loses everything he's worked so hard for?"
Sadie sighed, her expression softening. "You're underestimating Ronan and the strength of his convictions. Also, everyone on social media is loving the two of you together. You should see the memes; people are making these slow-motion videos of the two of you. There's even a trending hashtag, 'Roden,' dedicated to you both. That counts for something," Sadie said, playfully rolling her eyes as she settled on the couch beside Eden.
Eden blinked in surprise. "Roden? Really? It sounds way too close to Rodent for my taste."
"Yes, really," Sadie replied with a chuckle. "People are rooting for you two. And that kind of public support can influence how BNN and others perceive your relationship. It could even work in your favor."
Eden wondered if it could influence BNN's stance on their relationship if people supported them. The idea was comforting, but it was still hard for her to shake off the fear of the unknown.
"I just don't want to be the reason he loses everything," Eden whispered, her voice breaking.
"And you won't be," Sadie assured her. "But you will be the reason he loses something far more important if you keep pushing him away—his happiness. Ronan is a grown man. Let him decide what's best for him. You owe him that much."
"You two are one in a million, a love that happens once in a blue moon. You found each other, the hard part is over. You can still fight for him. Don't wait and live to regret losing him," Sadie said with a reassuring smile. "Screw the media, screw BNN. Forget everyone else and think about what you want," she added quietly.
So she did.
As Eden thought about the past few weeks, memories of Ronan flooded her mind. She could remember the first time she made him laugh, how his face lit up with a smile that made her heart skip a beat. She thought about their debates over the best albums or movies, and how they could argue for hours. She could almost taste the bowls of pasta he’d made for her, those quiet nights when everything felt easy. The memory of his touches still gave her chills, and those sweet kisses that left her breathless lingered long after. His warmth made her feel secure in a way she hadn’t known she needed.
Feeling overwhelmed by the wave of emotions, her eyes filled with tears. The longing she felt was so strong, so intense, that it settled in her chest like a deep ache—an undeniable need to be with him, to feel him beside her, and to build a life together.
In the quiet corners of her heart, she recognized the truth: she loved him. Truly, undoubtedly loved him with her entire heart. The thought didn't scare her as she expected it might, it was a simple and undeniable fact, a truth etched deeply into her soul.
She knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Ronan was worth fighting for. Despite her efforts to end their relationship, she realized she had only been deceiving herself. Her intentions were pure—she genuinely wanted what was best for him. The last thing she wanted was to become an obstacle on his path to a successful career. But now, she could also admit that she had been scared, completely petrified, of the intensity of her feelings for him, of him leaving her just like everyone else had.
But Ronan wasn't everyone else. He was the one who listened to her without judgment, the one who knew her to the depth of her soul. He had borne witness to her every flaw, every recess of her gnarled heart, and remained at her side despite all the imperfections she carried.
It was a resolute determination that straightened her spine, she wanted to fight for what they had. Because the thought of losing him, of his absence from her life for an eternity, felt like a fatal blow to her heart.
She felt a huge sense of relief knowing that he didn’t want to go back overseas. As much as she had convinced herself she was prepared for him to leave, the thought of it would have devastated her. But the idea that she might be the reason he was staying—it tore her apart. She didn’t want to be the thing that held him back.
She knew their relationship might impact his professional life. But if he was willing to take that risk, maybe she should be too. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he had the strength to handle whatever challenges came their way. And if he felt even a fraction of what she felt for him, then maybe it was a risk worth taking.
Ronan might hurt her, and their relationship could take some unpredictable turns, but she still wanted to take that leap of faith. She was ready to face the uncertainty, because deep down, she knew it was worth it. That he was worth it. Because what if it worked out? The possibility made her heart swell with hope—something she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in so long, maybe ever.
All of these emotions swirled together in her mind, alongside a melody that had been bouncing around in her head. It was something evocative, something she needed to express. The melody had been there ever since Colm played the fiddle for her, but the perfect lyrics had always eluded her. Now, though, there was a fire of determination in her heart—one she couldn’t ignore.
Eden shifted her gaze to Sadie and spoke softly, "I need to visit your grandad."