October 12th
Left out of the story.
Ainsley
I’m sitting at the doctor’s office, waiting to get called in for an ultrasound. The last few weeks—well, almost a month—have been the longest of my life.
I’ve been sick. Exhausted.
The week after I was in Nebraska for homecoming, Damon had a bye week and was finally going to visit me. See where I live. But we couldn’t risk him getting sick.
The next week, their game was in Maryland, and it was K-State’s homecoming. My mom was supposed to attend the game with me, Sammy, and Sammy’s parents, but I told her not to come.
This past Saturday was a huge game. So big that a major network chose to broadcast from Lincoln because the matchup featured us against last year’s national champions. Two undefeated teams. Conference rivals. Everyone was excited even though some critics predicted a big win for the other team.
I was so looking forward to being there, but what I thought was just a cold turned into a bad case of bronchitis, and Damon insisted that I watch from home and get some rest.
I was really proud of how our team played. It was another high-scoring game, both teams offensive powerhouses, but in the end, we lost by a field goal. Sammy was excited though when he saw that we had moved up to a higher rank despite the loss.
And after a round of antibiotics, I’m finally feeling more like myself.
I get called in and am excited to see the baby again. Hear the heartbeat. See how it’s grown. Get scan photos.
When she’s about finished up, the tech asks if I’d like to know the sex of the baby. It should be a simple yes or no question. But I immediately think about Damon. I can’t find out without him.
“Um, is there any chance you could maybe put the results in an envelope for now? I’d like to find out later,” I say.
I don’t tell her that the father doesn’t know I’m pregnant. That I have been keeping everything to do with the baby—from the positive test to all the doctor notes and information to the ultrasound photos—in a pretty box to share with him after his football season.
“Oh, fun,” she says.
When she comes back, she gives me photos of the baby from today as well as a white envelope with the words BOY OR GIRL? written in pink and blue marker across the front.
“Just open it when you’re ready. Are you doing a gender reveal party?”
“Uh, yeah,” I lie. “Thank you.”
I go home and add the photo and the envelope to the box, along with the photo of the flowers he sent me when I was sick.
I’m just getting in my car when my mom calls.
“Hey, Mom,” I say.
“How are you feeling?”
“Much, much better. Thank you.”
“Guess what,” Mom says.
“What?”
“I accepted a job with Tripp’s foundation.”
“That’s amazing, Mom. Congratulations. I hope you love it.”
“I’ll certainly love the hours. More free time. My last day at work is tomorrow. Then I’m taking a couple of weeks off. Going on a vacation.” She pauses. “With Hayes.”
“Oh, wow. Really? Um, that’s nice.”
“Do you really feel that way?” she asks.
“We haven’t talked as much as we usually do,” I say in response. “I feel sort of left out of the story. Did the divorce get finalized?”
“It did.”
“I’m assuming Dad never showed up?”
“He didn’t.”
“Do you worry about him?” I ask her.
“I did, but it just caused me stress. For my own personal mental health, I had to let go. I cannot be expected to be responsible for him anymore. And I won’t be. You should let go too,” she tells me.
“It’s not like I have a choice,” I say. “Tell me about Hayes. About what’s going on.”
“I haven’t been keeping it from you on purpose. I just … you haven’t been telling me about what’s going on in your life much either.”
And she’s right about that. I was afraid she would guess that I’m pregnant. Or that I would slip and tell her. I want to tell her. I wish I could tell her. But I can’t. Damon has to be the first to know.
“I was planning to tell you when I came for homecoming that we were getting more serious, but then you were sick. And I was worried if the divorce would go through or not. It’s been stressful. I’m sorry.”
“Thanks, Mom. And I’m happy you’re happy.”
“Thank you. I’m very lucky to have found him so soon.
But at the same time, it feels like a long time coming.
On one of our very first dates, we talked about places we wanted to visit.
Our dream trips. Funny enough, we wanted to go to the same place.
Switzerland. A few days after the divorce was final, he suggested we go. ”
“That’s really sweet,” I say.
“And how are things going with Damon? I hear from Van you are a regular in the suite.”
“I am. Damon’s great, Mom. I really love him. He says we’re going to be together for a long time, and I very much hope that he’s right.”
“I hope so too,” she says.