Chapter Eleven
CHAPTER ELEVEN
NATALIE
I ’m pretty sure I could eat these every day,” I mused, holding a fish taco from Bob’s.
The room service I had ordered arrived at its scheduled time, but Joel insisted on driving up the road and picking up tacos as well. We feasted on a mountain of food out by the pool, dangling our legs in the water, eating side by side.
“If I lived up here, I probably would,” Joel admitted, taking a bite. “There’s something about the batter they use that makes them perfect.”
I nodded as I took a swig of my Dr. Pepper and brushed a crumb off his beard. “You never told me how your day went.”
He looked thoughtful for a moment. “It was good. I got up and ran, then hit a couple clinics up north I skipped out on yesterday. This afternoon I had my therapy session, then I tried to call you to say hi, but you didn’t answer your phone, so I found myself driving here.”
“I still can’t believe you came all the way here to check on me.” A grin stretched across my face as I knocked my shoulder into his, while biting into a chip full of guacamole.
“Well, you’re alone here. I guess I worry about you.” He shrugged indifferently. He scratched his beard on the side of his face and said, “I’m no hero or anything, but it was an hour and a half drive with the traffic, and I’ve had a long day. I mean not like your hard afternoon but you know . . .”
I rolled my eyes. “I will be sure they make a state holiday for you.”
We sat in a comfortable silence, eating and watching paddle boarders navigate over the wave break into the calmer water.
Joel broke the silence with a shy admission. “I told him about you.”
“Who?” I asked, closing my eyes and leaned back onto my elbows to soak in some sun between tacos.
“Dr. Adams.”
I opened one eye and looked at him. “And what exactly did you tell him about me?”
He cleared his throat like he was nervous. It was fun to watch him squirm a little bit. “Just that I met somebody, and we have been hanging out.”
“That’s innocent enough.” I closed my eye again.
“Well, then he started asking questions the way therapists like to do. To make me open up and share more than I wanted to.”
“Wow, he seems terrible at his job,” I teased him.
“Well, he asked if I had told you about Charlotte, and I told him yes. And he said that showed growth of character and trust in you to be so vulnerable . . .”
I leaned back up, sat cross-legged, facing him to give him my full attention as he continued. “Apparently, according to Dr. Adams, if I didn’t think so highly of you, I would just date you and not share that part of my life. I would be assuming we wouldn’t last long enough to get to the deeper topics.” As he rambled, he rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. Did he hope we would make this work long-distance?
“That’s kind of ironic, since I leave in six days. Did you mention that part? ”
“Yeah,” he said and looked away.
“Did you tell him I am going with you to the wedding?” I asked, reaching out and putting my hand on his forearm.
“Yeah.” He brought his eyes to me.
I felt him shutdown. Something was said in that session that he was struggling with or some thought was battling in his brain, and it wasn’t my place to pry. I had a hundred follow-up questions, but I let them hang in the air. As much as I wanted to point out everything would work out fine this weekend, I silently patted myself on the back for attempting the compassionate route. When he was ready, I knew he would open up again. He’d already proven he was more than willing to do so, but it had to be on his terms.
“Did I tell you about the big event—Employees Blissfully Give Back—I’m in charge of in two weeks?” I changed the subject, and his eyes lit up.
“No. You said you had a lot going on with work, but told me nothing specific.”
We finished our meal as I explained. “It’s the big summer fundraiser that is really just a huge outdoor party. It gives employees a chance to donate to the foundation with matching donations made by Mr. Banks and the board members. There is always a silent auction of items my team gathers, and Luca requested we offer karaoke. So I have a bunch of drunken cover songs to look forward to. The money raised goes to one local community charity or foundation, and this year it is going to go to the children’s hospital.”
Joel nodded along as he ate. I told him how we chose the organization each year and what the event looked like; how I had been planning it for eight months and while I had helped Jill with it in the past, this year I was on my own to make sure it went off without a hitch. I also shared Kate’s email about the possibility of a job promotion.
He listened intently through my whole monologue, asking a clarifying question here and there, but mostly let me share. When I finished, the sun was getting ready to set, and we walked down by the water to watch it go over the horizon. He sat behind me with his legs on either side of my body and pulled me against his chest, wrapping me up in his arms.
I leaned back and breathed him in, breathed in the ocean’s scent, the hibiscus plants that lined the resort’s walkways—all of it. The sun danced on top of the water, pirouetting from wave to wave as the sky turned a deep orange and bright pink.
Joel let out a chuckle.
“What?”
He leaned in near my ear. “I am telling my therapist about you. Sharing kisses with you, now holding you and watching the sunset with you—some might argue a rather romantic moment is happening—and I don’t even know when your birthday is or any of the basics about your life.”
“Small talk is so overrated,” I told him.
“I’m glad we can agree on that.” He said, then sighed deeply.
“But I’m going to try it just this once. Ready?”
The rumble of his chest against my back as he spoke made my heart race. How could one person not only calm me down but catapult me to sugar high levels at the same time? “Yes. Share away.”
“I only root for the Diamondbacks no matter how their season goes. I will always pick the color blue. One time during a baseball game, a grounder bounced wrong and hit me in the face, breaking my nose and making it slightly crooked. Makes me look a bit rugged, no? My favorite desserts contain chocolate, and I love a Boston cream donut. I would choose it every time over anything else. I don’t ever want to skydive, but I do love to drive fast and miss being able to do that on a long desert highway. Charlotte made me watch The Notebook once, and I cried. There, I admit it. It made me cry. The end.”
Not wanting him to know how much I enjoyed every little part of his reveal, I let it sit a minute before I spoke. “Mushrooms are the worst. One time I met Jake Gyllenhaal at an event and made a complete fool of myself. For the record, super nice guy. I can’t even keep a succulent alive, so I can cross owning a floral shop off my list of future career choices. October thirty-first is my birthday.”
“Halloween!” he exclaimed. “Do you like that?”
“I don’t really have a choice,” I pointed out. “And I don’t know any differently, so I guess it’s as fine a day as any to be born. When is yours?”
“December twenty-sixth.”
“Oh man, that’s a bummer,” I snuggled in closer, as if that were at all possible.
“You’re telling me.” He agreed. “My sisters never could understand why I got two days of presents, and my mom was always stressed out about keeping things fair. The reality was, I got half as many gifts on Christmas Day as them because I got my other half of the gifts on my birthday. My birthday decorations always got lost against the Christmas decorations, if any were even put up. And everybody was so over sugar by my birthday, nobody ever wanted a cake.”
“Mmmm, let me get my tiny violin out for you,” I said with a hint of a slight whine.
He gave me a squeeze and kissed the top of my head.
“Touché.”
Even after the sun went down, we didn’t move. Instead, I twisted myself around to face him and leaned into his lips. He slid his hand by my ear and through my hair, pulling my face closer, accepting my wish.
He leaned back, pulling me on top of him. It again started out slow, tentative. A mix of light pecks and bumped noses that caused me to giggle. From there, it led to a deepened longing of hunger, heat, and wanting more. Our breathing intensified as his lips parted. I felt Joel’s hands travel down my back to the hem of my tank top and then his fingers made contact with my skin where my tank had slid slightly up.
Even though it was the lightest of touches, I could still feel the imprint of his fingertips sizzle on my skin after he continued on and moved his hands to my hips. Moving my lips over to his chiseled jaw, I left a slow trail of kisses up to his earlobe.
As if on cue, we both froze. I peeled myself from him and gave us some space. Joel mirrored me. We rolled onto our sides, coming face to face. Neither one of us spoke. I could feel myself turning red and was grateful for the cover of darkness. What about that moment made me blush? We were two unattached adults, who clearly were interested in one another. Why did I freeze just now? Why did he freeze at that same moment? Why did I not want to have a conversation about it? Would he say something first? Filled with self-consciousness over the abundance of tacos and fruit platters gracing my life lately, I stayed silent.
Our breathing calmed, and he turned onto his back, looking up at the sky. “There’s Cassiopeia. Those five stars shaped like a W.”
“Mmm.” I leaned up from my spot next to him, looking where he pointed and feigned enough interest in the impromptu astronomy lesson he was giving while I continued to stew in my insecurities. The last year had brought a lot of stress into my life and I had put on a few pounds, accentuating my already natural, curvy physique. It made me especially self-conscious since Dane had called off the wedding. Maybe Joel decided he changed his mind about me just now.
“That kite shaped one over there, low on the horizon, that’s the Southern Cross.” Joel continued, using his finger to trace the constellation’s outline among the mass of stars. “The only place you can see it in the U.S. is Hawaii.”
“Do I stink? I mean, I didn’t shower after yoga, so it’s completely possible.” I decided against my better judgment to breach the topic and started with an easy one.
He whipped his head around. “Not at all.”
“Okay.” I braved up to ask the real question on my mind. “Are you embarrassed to kiss me because I’m not thin?”
The shock that crossed Joel’s face could’ve been seen even without the bright moon. “Are you kidding me? You have no idea what you do to me, and I promise you, it’s not embarrassment.”
“So that’s not what stopped the thing that was just happening?” It came out way more accusatory than I’d meant it to. Truth be told, I was mortified at this point. Maybe I was way more into him and the vacation fantasy life I was living than he was.
“No.”
I gave him a moment to expand. When it became apparent he wasn’t going to, I laid into him. “Then I’m going to need some kind of explanation for what just took place. We were making out and then we weren’t and . . . why?”
He gave a small smile. “You stopped at the same moment I did.”
“I asked you first.”
Joel’s face scrunched as he said, “Because you’re leaving in six days.”
“I’m leaving in six days,” I echoed.
“And this isn’t like The Notebook where the two main characters get together at the end despite all the odds stacked against them. My job is here. Your job is in Portland. I have a lot of baggage. We honestly hardly know each other.”
“Your point?” I asked, hopeful—for what, I didn’t know.
“Red.” He reached out and brushed the side of my face.
His touch made my heart skip a beat. Again. I tried to shake it, but it was impossible, despite my better judgment screaming at me to come back to Earth and join rational thought once more. Joel was lost in his own struggle as well and cleared his throat.
“Red,” he tried a second time. “I can’t fall in love with you.”