Chapter Fourteen
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
JOEL
T he humidity came up with the sun. It was making me grouchy. Then again, everything seemed to be putting me in a foul mood this morning.
Pound.
Pound.
Pound.
It had been more than thirty-six hours since I had seen Natalie. A day and a half since we had even spoken. I thought maybe that break would give me some perspective and make me realize I was just jumping at the first opportunity that had come my way. Instead, I was slightly cranky and itching to see her like an addict out of fixes. I wanted to tell her all about the mundane parts of my day, knowing she would actually want to hear them. How I’d gone running the morning before and was so lost in thought that I’d ended up going beyond my usual turn around at the Diamond Head Beach and ended up at Hunakai Beach, twice as far as I had planned to go. I wanted to tell her about the delicious sandwich I picked up for lunch between offices and how I spilled pickle juice down my shirt. Then, due to traffic, I had to pick up Ben and Lea in my stained shirt—and that had made a great first impression on the bride-to-be.
Ug. That right there was the definition of love: wanting to share the boring with somebody and hear all of theirs in return. She hadn’t brought up that moment on the beach. I had no plan to put myself in that awkward position again.
Right before I had gotten to arrivals at the airport, I pulled over in a cell phone lot for a quick FaceTime session with Dr. Adams. He reminded me that a lack of expectation on my end, and an acknowledgement that everybody was excited to see me after being apart for so long, would make everything go smoothly. They were all here for a wedding and not an inquisition of my life. He added how my expectations for Natalie needed to be non-existent as well. This was about me facing my anxieties and guilt head on.
It was some deep-rooted guilt, though. Not only did I have guilt at not being with Charlotte when she died but I ghosted my friends. They had only been trying to help me process my new life, and instead of letting them rally around me, I’d picked up and moved. They’d tried to call and check up on me, see how the new territory was, make sure I was surfing and living life. I very rarely returned the calls or texts. When Ben had called me a few months ago as a last-ditch effort to see if I would even attend his wedding, I was blindsided he wanted me there. I had been a crappy friend.
Which led to more guilt.
We’d stayed out way too late catching up. I was paying for it this morning as I ran.
Pound.
Pound.
Pound.
My tired body made sure that today I didn’t miss my turn around at Diamond Head Beach. Later, I slugged my way through a long morning of visiting doctors before texting Natalie.
Still on for me to pick you up at five ?
She answered right away instead of making me wait after not hearing from me all day. I liked that she didn’t play games; I don’t think she knows how. It’s totally one of her best qualities.
Yes! I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but you’re going to love my dress.
Pick me up out front by the lobby.
Don’t be late. I do not want Lea being mad at me due to *your* tardiness.
This made me laugh out loud. Her energy was palpable through the phone. She followed it all up with a photo and the caption:
I hope your day is more exciting than mine!
On my screen I saw her: a selfie taken at the table in her bungalow, laptop open with lots of spreadsheets visible behind her. She had earbuds in—I wonder what she was listening to. A podcast? Music? What music does she like? I needed to ask her.
Seeing her, but not getting to hang out with her in that moment, made the day crawl by. I mechanically maneuvered my way in and out of offices through the early afternoon on autopilot. Finally, the time came and I ran home, took the world’s fastest shower, got dressed, and hopped back into my car to fly up the eastern side of the island.
At dinner the night before, Ben had asked in an awkward, half-teasing, half-serious tone if I was seeing anybody or if he needed to pair me up with a bridesmaid at the wedding. Everybody stopped talking to hear my answer, and they hid their surprise well when I told them I was bringing a date. Lea stopped Ben from asking any more questions, but I knew eventually I’d have to answer a few.
Despite the traffic, I eased my way up the side of the island in good time. Rounding the last bend, I turned on my blinker and turn from the highway onto the long drive leading to the entrance of Pineapple Bay Resort. The palm trees lining the driveway swayed lightly, distracting me from watching ahead.
When I refocused, my eyes found her immediately, waiting as promised. I sucked air and my heart felt like it came to a complete stop. She absolutely took my breath away.