Chapter Thirty
CHAPTER THIRTY
NATALIE
I t took a flight attendant nudging me gently to bring me back from the dead. I stretched and rubbed my eyes slowly.
Getting my bearings, I yawned deeply and saw the plane had not only landed, but nobody else was left in the cabin. Profusely apologizing, I quickly gathered my things and headed down the aisle toward the exit.
I turned on my phone and walked off the jetway into the airport. A clock on the wall near the deserted food court showed it was just after five a.m. After leaving Luca, I had barely made it to the airport in time to run through the terminal and be the last to board. I didn’t recall getting to my seat for this stretch of light and buckling before I fell asleep, probably due to my all-nighter, a full Friday at work, and the fundraiser. Adrenaline had kept me awake on the first leg to Vegas, but even more caffeine than one should consume didn’t keep me awake longer than the layover, and once we took off at one o’clock in the morning, I was out.
With my phone powered up, there was a simple text from late Kate that made me laugh out loud.
Luca should never be given a mic. Why did you give him a mic!? More importantly, where did you go? I have one guess. Bring me back a pineapple. If you come back. But really, come back. Please don’t leave me with Luca.
The airport was empty this time of the morning, making it easy to reach the car rental desk quickly. Within minutes, I had the keys to a small SUV. I threw my bags in the trunk and plugged the address to my first stop in my phone’s GPS.
Making my way up the familiar highway through the middle of the island, I rolled down my windows and breathed in the cool air. Everything was still asleep. It was peaceful. The crisp air smelled renewed. Hints of overnight rain still lingered on the vegetation and puddled on the roadway. The sun was just peeking over the highest part of the mountains, illuminating everything I laid eyes on. It was that time of morning that resonated hope. A fresh start. While the recesses of my mind said otherwise, I could feel in my bones that this day was going to be a good one.
I pulled my car up to a shopping center that housed gift shops and restaurants. The only one open for breakfast was the largest establishment in the row and appeared to have gotten a recent fresh coat of red paint. Its sign, Doug’s, was hand painted in multiple colors. Grabbing my wallet, I pushed open the door, and a bell tinkled over my head.
A friendly debate ensued with the owner over the best donuts from his large assortment, and a few minutes later, I carefully juggled three boxes out to my car. I entered the next destination into my phone, drove down the highway ten minutes, and pulled into a coffee shop.
By now, surfers were out staking out the best spot to catch waves and people were grabbing breakfast before starting their day. The sun was already warming everything, and I quickly grabbed a table with an umbrella outside the shop before they were all taken .
I placed a box of donuts next to my laptop on the table and glanced around, trying to determine who I was meeting.
My phone vibrated with Kate’s face.
“I only have a second,” I answered.
“So you actually went back,” she replied quickly, her eyes darting past me, taking in the landscape.
I smiled. “Just for the weekend. I’ll fill you in Monday.”
“Go get him,” she told me.
“I’m sorry about Luca.”
She grinned and said, “Don’t be. You were right, he’s not too bad.”
A few minutes later, an older couple walked out of the shop with large coffee cups in hand, stopping to untether their black lab from a nearby bench before they waved at me and strolled over.
“You must be Natalie,” the woman said, sitting down at the table. “I’m Gwen and this is Paul. Oh and our favorite child, Duke,” she said, motioning to the dog. “It’s lovely to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet both of you. Thank you for doing so on such short notice and at such an early hour on a Saturday. But can I ask, how did you know who I was?” I asked, looking at both of them.
Paul chuckled. “You’re way overdressed for a day at the beach. You had to be the one coming from Portland.”
I smiled and looked down. He wasn’t wrong; I was wearing a tiered hem V-neck floral cap sleeve midi dress. It stood out against the relaxed dress of tourists and surfers. Especially during the morning hours.
After initial pleasantries, we spent the rest of our time getting down to business. I showed them a presentation on my laptop, we asked and answered questions back and forth, and parted with a promise to meet again after speaking with each of our lawyers who would draw up the paperwork. They seemed like good people, and I left the meeting needing to only make one more stop before finding Joel.
“Utilities are included, unless you really crank up the air conditioning. Then we’ll have to chat about an extra bill coming your way.” She smiled and showed me the bedroom.
Maggie, a retired university professor, had a large home and needed a roommate to help cover the cost of her mortgage since her husband had passed away. Her home was neat, airy, and tucked in a peaceful neighborhood o. the main road on a larger lot with plentiful trees and greenery. She was looking for somebody who was quiet, clean, and reliable. Check. Check. Check.
The room was spacious with bamboo floors, good lighting from a large west facing window, a sizable ceiling fan, and a large closet. A bed was provided, as well as a tall dresser and a small desk and chair. The modest bathroom in the hallway would be mine, and I would have access to the rest of the home. When I told her I would have pretty sporadic hours for a while, she didn’t seem bothered. The lease could go month-to-month, and I was able to keep a few extra boxes in her garage. It was perfect.
I signed the contract and handed her my deposit check with a box of donuts, then asked if I could freshen up in the bathroom. I’d largely been up for two days and looked it. Inside, I washed my face and reapplied some mascara. Adding a chunky leather belt jazzed up my look, but with my hair pulled into a messy top knot, I appeared relaxed—something I definitely wasn’t feeling. Nerves hit, and it felt like I was going to vibrate out of my skin. Putting myself in a Warrior 1 yoga pose right there in the bathroom helped bring a case of the giggles, which calmed me momentarily. Once calmed down, for good measure, I brushed my teeth and reapplied deodorant.
Thanking Maggie, I told her we would be in touch, and I jumped in my car unable to contain the new wave of butterflies, excitement, dread, and fear that simultaneously coursed through me. Before backing out of the driveway, I looked one more time at our last text exchange after I left June and her food truck less than forty-eight hours ago.
Full disclosure: I’m still hurt.
But at this point I don’t know if it’s from the way we left things or from missing you. Just so you know.
Before going to bed that night, I had responded.
Full disclosure, I hurt too. From how I made you feel and from missing you in a way I didn’t know was possible. I’m going to make it right. Just so you know.
I hadn’t heard back from him and hadn’t expected to. I wouldn’t have known how to respond to that if he had sent it to me, though I was curious what he thought I had up my sleeve. Or did he think it was an empty promise? Something to say to clear my conscious with no intention of ever fulfilling it?
Not needing to map out the next destination, I pulled onto the highway and drove the familiar path to Island Water Sports. Since my errands had gone quicker than I had anticipated, I was hoping I would make it before he took his first tour out. Then again, if he had an early tour like he did the day we met, then he wouldn’t be back on the beach for another hour or two. If that were the case, I had a fully charged phone, a water bottle, and a book in my bag; I was prepared to sit and wait as long as it took.
The bend in the road brought the familiar beach into view. Only mid-morning and it was already busy. The shops lining the main streets of the town were bustling, and it took me a minute to find a parking spot. I gathered my big beach bag and grabbed the last box of donuts, smoothed my dress upon exiting the SUV, and attempted to look con!dent as I sashayed down to the water’s edge where equipment was lined up on the shoreline.
As I walked, my eyes frantically scanned all around but couldn’t see Joel. Had his car been in the parking lot? Maybe he was in one of those groups out in the distance, paddling toward the small bird island off the coast? Maybe he had the day off? I decided to ask somebody before I found out the big surprise was actually not my arrival but him not being here. I set everything down on a bench to regroup.
A frisbee landed at my feet, and I picked it up, glancing around for its owner. Two teenage boys waved me down, and I tossed it back their way. Brushing the sand from my hands, I picked up my things and decided to walk to the main building to find a staff member.
I had only taken three steps when I heard his rich voice behind me calling from the water’s edge.
“Red!”
The tone was void of emotion. He said my name so matter-of-factly.
On my flight from Portland to Vegas, I had replayed this moment in my mind over and over. I let it play out happily: Joel would see me and do that slow motion running that they do in the movies. He would scoop me in his arms, twirling me about; we would both throw our heads back, laughing with radiating joy. I also let it play out not-so-happily: Joel, upset at my arrival, would put me in a kayak and send me out to sea without a paddle.
Eventually, the sharks would eat me.
And now here we were. It was the moment of truth. I turned around to face him, giving him an unsure but genuine closed-lip smile. My heart pleaded for him to be happy to see me, beating so hard I thought it would break my ribs. He looked every bit the man who stole all my waking thoughts. He was wearing a backpack over his company vest, and his legs were coated in drying sand. My eyes briefly trailed behind him toward the beach where a group of people lined up their kayaks for the next tour, happily recounting the adventure they had just finished.
Landing back on Joel, I lingered on every part of him. It had only been a couple of weeks, but he was a shade darker than when I left him, and he looked even more toned than before. His hair had grown out a little and his beard wasn’t as neat. He removed his backpack, dropping it to the ground, never taking his bemused eyes off me. His face gave nothing away. I gave an incredibly awkward single flick-of-the-wrist wave and moved tentatively toward him, afraid he might pivot toward his car.
Static sounded, and his hand reached for the walkie talkie on his vest. Still not breaking his gaze, he responded and replaced the radio before he reached me. Standing this close, I physically ached at how much I missed him. I opened my mouth to start the apology he had been due for over two weeks.
“I—”
Joel pulled me against him, !sting the back of my dress as if holding on for dear life. After a shocked pause, I put my arms around him and squeezed him as close to crushing as I could get. Breathed him in. The woodsy floral scene with a hint of coconut wafted through my nose. I registered his breathing slowing down, matching mine. His heart beat erratically against me. One of my arms loosened its death grip, and I ran my fingers through his damp hair, feeling its longer length. A small chuckle of disbelief shook both of us. I’m not sure who let it out.
I felt like I’d come home.
“You’re here,” he breathed into my ear.
“I am,” I smiled at hearing the relief in his voice.
He let go, put his hands on my shoulders, and took in my face, asking, “For how long?”
I scrunched my nose. “Just the weekend.”
He opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it and lifted his eyes in deliberation. “Then we better make the most of it.”
“What?” I put my fork on my plate and stared down Joel with a little glee in my eye.
He shook his head. “I just can’t believe you’re actually here. Right now.”
“You still haven’t given me any idea how that makes you feel,” I pressed.
He put his take out container on his lap and leaned back on his hands, legs kicked out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. “Let’s just enjoy what time we have together. How’s your plate?”
I looked down at my lap to Doug’s famous Hawaiian plate lunch: rice, macaroni salad, and large fried shrimp. The donuts were delicious, but the lunch was what kept the place in business. It was phenomenal. Again, Joel knew where to find the best food at the most unassuming places. I wasn’t completely settled on his answer, but it felt the wrong time to press further. I opted to answer his question. “It’s really good. I’m glad you suggested it.”
When we had left the beach, Joel told the woman at the check-in counter that he was taking the rest of the day off. I followed him in my rental car as he drove to Doug’s to grab food, then we headed west to his favorite beach right on the northernmost point of the island. After parking, Joel suggested I change into something more island-appropriate.
“Where?” I looked around.
He smiled. “I’ll grab a blanket from the back of my car, and you can change behind it.”
“You remember how self-conscious I was with you in my pool? You think I’m going to willingly just change behind a blanket you’re holding?” I crossed my arms.
Joel pulled the blanket from his trunk, and held it up to demonstrate the privacy it would provide. “There’s a bamboo forest behind you, this little parking lot is empty, and the residents in this neighborhood aren’t paying any attention. Just change fast. I promise I won’t look.”
I have never moved with such haste but had to admit it was nice to swap out the dress for my favorite one shoulder swimsuit, covered up by a racer back tank and yoga pants. Joel grabbed the surf board off the top of his car, I carried the food, and we walked through a sandy dirt path nestled between homes in a residential neighborhood, leading out on an empty expanse where lava rock met the shoreline and dozens of my favorite sea turtles had climbed on the beach to sunbathe.
“What else do you need to do today?” I asked him as I took another bite of lunch.
“Absolutely nothing,” he assured me.
I chewed and gave him a frown. “You had work—which you didn’t need to leave early for me—and then what were you planning on doing? I mean, you didn’t know I’d just show up. You had stuff to do.”
He grabbed his food and moved it around his plate. “I only had one tour left, and Maya will find somebody to take it for me. It’s fine. You’re only here until tomorrow night. I wasn’t going to waste a minute knowing you’re here and not spend it with you.”
I gave him a smile and felt myself blush. He was being his completely charming self and saying all the right things, but I could feel a divide between us despite his initial warm welcome. And if he didn’t want to talk about it yet, I just needed to enjoy being in the moment. Hard could come later.
The weather was scorching, and the breeze was non-existent. We finished eating, quietly lost in our own thoughts, and then waded into the surf to cool off. Just past the lava rock was a white, sandy bottom.
Out a few feet, I saw a pink shell I wanted to pick up and dove to grab it. Except, no matter how hard I kicked and moved my arms, I didn’t make any progress toward the target. Best effort aside, my bottom kept bobbing above the waterline, keeping me buoyed. I tried a few more times to no avail. Finally giving up, I planted my feet on the sand and turned to see Joel holding back a laugh.
“That was . . .” he searched for the best word to use. “Funny.”
I swatted at him, and he dodged it, breaking into a loud laugh. The one I had missed so much. It echoed off the water and palm trees around us. “Yeah . . . what’s funny, shark guy?”
“You . . .” He gave me a pointed look but couldn’t even spit it out he was laughing so hard. His arms flailed about, acting it out instead. “Down and then up and whew! That was a good one. You look cute trying so hard.”
“If it’s so easy, Joel, why don’t you dive and get it for me?”
He took a deep breath and easily dove to where I pointed, fetching it for me. Effortlessly. I shook my head at him as he handed over the beautiful light pink and speckled cone shell.
“Okay, show-off.” I squared my shoulders. “Let’s see how great you are on that board.” I nodded toward his surfboard lying on the beach by our blanket.
Completely surprising me, he pulled me into a tight hug and kissed my temple. “I’ve missed this.”
His confession made my heart speed up as the ocean fought against us, swaying our bodies gently to and fro. “You’ve missed my sass?”
“More than you know, Red. More than you know.”
Facing one another, we straddled his board, bobbing with the tide’s pull. Despite claiming the waves weren’t exactly the best for surfing, Joel spent part of the afternoon showing off his skills and impressing me. I was no expert, but he was able to catch a few waves and ride them far enough in that it looked as legit as any other surfer I had ever watched. Afterward, he had me try, coaching me the best he could over my shrieks and uncoordinated efforts. I did catch one medium-sized wave and took it all the way to the shore, garnering cheers from not only Joel, but a few local teenagers who had shown up to stand-up paddle board.
The sun was beginning its daily dip toward the horizon as we caught one another up with all of life’s minutia. We sat with our knees touching, so close the sizzle of electricity had to be felt by him. Joel told me about the latest with work, both in the pharmaceutical world and his weekend kayak pursuits. I told him about my visit from Dane and the very basics of getting everything ready for the fundraiser. While I wanted to know every detail of our time apart, it felt very surfacy. All I wanted to do was savor every moment we had together, in his element, but how long could we dance around the elephant in the room?
A wave caused me to briefly lose my balance, and I grabbed his bicep to stay upright, mentally noting how tight the muscle was. He had discarded his shirt when we initially got in the ocean, and I’d spent all afternoon trying not to stare at his broad pecs, defined abs, and sculpted shoulders. But in this proximity, he was lucky I could remember my name.
“You’ve been working out, I can see.” I squeezed his arm once before letting go.
Joel casually flexed, trying to suppress a grin. “I’ve noticed you appreciating it all afternoon.”
“You’ve got this whole rugged man thing going on.” I ran my hand through the water, scooping it and letting it slide through my fingers. Joel seemed at ease, and I wanted him to think I was too.
Like what we were doing was no big deal; a normal Saturday for us. Not like I was breaking down every single moment, every influx of his voice, every way his eyes watched me—wondering what he was thinking. “Your hair is slightly askew, your beard is longer, you’ve got more color. Seems to me you’ve spent more time outside. ”
He nodded once. “Mmmm, you are observant.”
A larger wave rocked the board and sent us both scrambling to
keep our balance, but I caught the briefest fleck of sadness cross his eyes. And then it hit me: I was the reason he had this new look.
The guilt crushed my spirit and then I saw him look at my lips. Taking the invitation, I leaned forward on my hands and brushed my mouth lightly against his, placing the most featherlight kiss on his lips. Planning to lean back and apologize for misreading the moment, I was surprised as Joel put his hand behind my neck and pulled me in for another one. What began as exploratory pecks soon became a longing and unspoken apology.
As Joel scooted his body toward me, closing the last of the gap between us, another wave pushed the board just right, sending us both flying into the water. We broke through the surf and looked at one another.
“I think that’s the ocean telling us it’s time to go,” I laughed.
Back at our cars, I pulled my towel out of my luggage and wrapped it around my waist, hopping in my front seat. “So.” I twisted to look at him out the window. “Want to hang out tomorrow?”
He finished securing the surfboard on his roof and jumped down. “Do you have plans tonight?”
“No,” I told him. “But I’ve more or less been up since Thursday morning and am living on fumes. I was going to go check into my hotel, shower, and crash.”
He tilted his head to the side. “Are you staying at the resort again?”
I smiled. “No, that seemed silly for just one night. I actually booked a hotel by your apartment.” I bit my lip, realizing how presumptuous that made me appear.
“Cancel it,” he said. “I need to get a few groceries, but stay with me.”
I raised an eyebrow at his suggestion .
He raised his hands in defense. “Don’t read into it. I am just offering you a place to stay. It’s only one night—it seems pointless to have you somewhere else, eating into the little time we have together.”
I placed my finger on the tip of my lip and pretended to mull it over. “I guess so. But if you snore, we are going to have words.”