27. Nick
NICK
Fantasies Come True - Avenue Q
I release a shaky breath. My chest can’t hold all this terrifying hope.
The L word is on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t say it yet.
The first time shouldn’t be when we’re fighting, or having a discussion, or whatever this is.
I want to say it when June’s smiling. It’s not just another thing I want to get perfect, I want it to be real.
It’s because, when I say it, I want June to know I love her .
I see her . Not a fantasy, not a high school crush, but the amazing woman she is.
Her warm breath, melodic voice, pulls me out of my head. “Failure is an open door. And I stepped through it and found you. So who knows what you’ll find when you step through that door.”
A door—though to me it’s more like a bridge. I have to sit with my failure, walk with it across that bridge to get to success on the other side.
A bridge mortared with choices … bricks heavy with memory …
What a convenient time for lyrics to unspool in my brain.
They’re not good enough, I need to retool them, but I push them away, pleading with myself to remember them later.
I can’t get lost in my music, not now. Not with June.
“Is that why this audition is important to you? Because you feel like you’re failing? ”
She sighs, running her fingers up the line of my jaw.
“It’s important because, however much I want to pretend Conservatory’s forever, it’s not.
And teaching here doesn’t count toward my equity card hours.
If I don’t keep them up, I’ll lose my health insurance.
I don’t want to leave the kids early, hell, I’m not even sure I want to tour anymore, but Helen hasn’t sent me anything else. ”
My face heats, right as my stomach sours. I’ve been so focused on June’s feelings for me that I never understood the pressure she was under as a working actor. “What about Nat’s play? She offered you a job assistant directing. You were so intense about it when we met.”
“Intense is a polite way to put it.” She huffs a laugh. “I wanted to score an audition when I didn’t have any others lined up. And now that I know Nat, and am friends with her, it feels weird to use a real friendship to get an audition.”
“Like how you used a fake boyfriend?” I tease.
June rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. “I don’t have one of those anymore.”
“God damn right.”
“Plus,” she says, biting her lip. “What if Nat bows out of the show? Because of her mom? Then I wouldn’t have any job.”
“You can’t base your career on ifs and maybes, I get that. And I understand that you have a whole life in the city, and I’m just one small part of it.”
She sits up straighter, and it puts distance between us. I need to feel her pressed against me, all the time, or I’ll go insane. But she twines our fingers together. “You really think you’re not a big part of my life?”
“I just mean—your job, and New York, and touring. Your life’s … bigger than mine.”
“Your life will get bigger, too.”
I look at our hands. I want that so bad it hurts. But maybe I should. Think about it. Get a plan together. Make a change. With a sigh, I say, “As long as you’re in it, size doesn’t matter.”
“Good to know you’re not a size queen.” June barks out a laugh and I belatedly realize what I said.
“I just mean?—”
“I know.” She brings our interlaced hands to her lips, kissing each of my knuckles.
It’s such a small thing, but so intimate, that a craving for her heats my blood.
“You need a partner who’s with you all the time, because your life will get bigger with a family and a home. And I can’t give you those things.”
Her earlier comment about choosing children over her career makes more sense.
Both our parents talking about starting a family last night didn’t help.
I shake my hand free of hers and wrap it around the base of her neck, cradling her head.
She relaxes into my hold, giving me her weight, trusting me, even though she thinks I’ll break her heart. “Do you want kids, June?”
She sucks in a tiny gasp, eyes going wide. My girl is scared, but she’s brave too. June doesn’t back down, and I love that about her. “No, I don’t. Not now, and I don’t think that’ll ever change.”
My thumb skims her cheek. “And you assume I do? Because of last night?”
“Yeah.” Her teeth sink into her bottom lip. “Do you?”
My mouth curves into a smile as I shake my head. “Not in the least.”
“What?” she asks, stunned.
“Teaching kids all day has made me realize that when the bell rings at the end of the day, and they leave, I don’t feel like I’m missing something.
” I swallow, steeling myself to reveal a deeper truth, but the more I’m honest with June, the easier it gets.
“And I—the way things are with my dad, how I felt growing up—I wouldn’t be a good father. ”
“Yes, you would.” Her voice sounds so sad. “I can’t take that away from you.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But I don’t want to take that chance.”
“That’s fair.” Her eyes flicker away, then back to me. They’re a summer sky, boundless, hopeful. “I’m sorry I assumed.”
“I get it. It seems like the default, but it’s not.” My grip on the base of her skull tightens. “It’s not the default for me.”
“I could’ve asked, though. It felt presumptuous. Asking if you wanted kids after we’ve been dating for three weeks would be so intense. Well, a month, but that first week doesn’t count.”
“As intense as having a crush on you for a decade?” I force my jaw to stop clenching. I don’t know if the need to hold onto my secrets and dreams will end, but I’m trying.
June breathes out a laugh. “Yeah.”
I trail my nose down her jaw to her throat, and goosebumps break out across her neck and shoulder.
Satisfaction rises, a wave cresting in my chest. I make her feel this way.
And no matter what happens later, we have these two weeks.
Two weeks to work with her, hold her, keep her in my bed.
A month ago, I wouldn’t have believed this could happen.
That Junie Danielowicz would react to my touch, that she’d want to touch me in return.
Her eyes are heavy-lidded with lust, cheeks flushed. That perfectly pink tongue darts out to wet her bottom lip, and I groan, then slant my mouth over hers and claim her with my kiss.
Her tongue rolls against mine as I invade her mouth in deep, possessive strokes. When we both come up for air, she asks, “If teenage Nick got teenage Junie alone, what would he have done with her?”
A growl rumbles in my chest, dragging itself up my throat. I skate my hands over her sides, brushing her perfect tits, and rest them on the crease between her hips and thighs. I squeeze hard until she whimpers. “Teenage me had quite the imagination.”
June swings one leg over me to sit in my lap. She doesn’t waste any time rocking back and forth over my already hard dick. “Yeah?”
I lick my favorite spot behind her ear, savoring her little moan. “Especially when I drove you home from Denny’s. You and me alone in my car in the middle of the night.”
“Tell me,” she hums, grinding herself against me until I’m painfully hard against the zipper of my jeans.
My hand slides down her back, beneath the waistband of her shorts. I grab a handful of her ass, bare, because she’s wearing a thong. Maybe it’s the memory of being a teenager, but I’m leaking in my briefs from the feel of her soft skin. “My car might’ve broken down that night.”
“Missed an oil change, huh?” she whispers, so fucking needy and breathy.
“And we’d be in the middle of nowhere.” My other hand glides up, cupping her breast over her bra and pinching. She pants, working her hips in tight little circles that drive me to the edge of my control.
“Naturally. Because where else would we be?” she murmurs against my neck, licking up my throat.
“No cell reception.” My voice is ragged, threadbare with desire. “So we couldn’t call anyone. Stuck.”
She nibbles at my ear, and the sensation shoots straight to my cock. I don’t know how much longer I’ll last. “Big storm,” she whispers. “Phone lines are down.”
“Yeah, I like that.” With my hand on her ass, I swivel her hips harder into me.
The seam of her shorts is so tight, I can’t get my hand in there.
And all I want to do is pull her thong to the side, feel how wet her pussy is.
“Rain beats on the roof of the car. The windows fog from our heavy breaths.”
June’s hand moves to the button on her shorts—she pops it open and undoes her zipper. Whining against my throat, she begs, “Touch me. I need you to touch me.”
Finally, there’s enough room to slide my hand between the cleft of her ass. Her thong’s completely soaked, fucking drenched. My mouth goes dry with the need to taste her arousal. “Off,” I grunt. “Shorts off. And this tiny thong you’re teasing me with.”
“Me? Tease you?” She smiles, so devilish, and climbs off my lap, wiggling her ass so her shorts fall.
June tucks her thumbs into the elastic of her thong, running her fingers back and forth.
She’s so wet, her pussy lips mold to the barely-there fabric.
My sac tightens and I scramble to get my jeans and briefs off.
Freeing my cock, it bounces against my shirt, leaving a wet mark from the precum at the tip.
June’s gaze zeroes in on it, and she licks her lips.
“Fuck,” I groan. One hand on my cock, the other pulling her closer by the waistband of her thong. “Give me this.” I tug harder.
She rolls it down her legs and slips one foot, then the other, out of that tiny scrap of fabric.
I snatch it from her, bringing it to my nose and inhaling.
I growl again, my head tipping back. Did I say her perfume on her skin was my favorite smell?
Not anymore. Her wet pussy is musky and sweet, and it makes me fucking hungry .