Chapter 6
Slow dancing with Sadie is now on my list of Never Agains. Whatever it is that started burning inside of me when she stepped closer was just hatred. Pure mutual disdain. Nothing more.
We made a deal, and now it’s done.
I can finally relish in peaceful nights without her loud music disturbing my quiet lifestyle, and she got her dance. For whatever reason she wanted it.
But did she only want to dance with me just to get under my skin? Or for some other reason? Did she truly like me as Ryker suggested? And where is her tattoo? And why the hell am I still thinking about it?
I wash cool water on my face in the bathroom, erasing my thoughts.
One damn problem at a time, Kit.
First problem: find Alaska and figure out what the hell happened during the last six months of silence between us. Second, find out why Cash is back in town. And third, forget about any thoughts about Sadie Lane for the rest of my goddamn life.
I find Ryker still sitting at our table with a beer in his hand, gazing mindlessly towards the bar. “Hey, have you seen Alaska?”
“How was your dance?” he asks. A grin hides underneath his dark mustache.
“Where’s Alaska?” I frown.
Ryker crosses his tattooed arms, revealing a crab holding a pair of revolvers. If Ryker wasn’t working on the ranch or out fishing, he was getting another tattoo. “Answer my question first,” he presses.
I sigh, plopping down next to him. “It was just a dance, Ryker.”
“Didn’t look that way,” he pushes with a smile. “You were dancing awfully close.”
A frustrated sigh rumbles in my chest as I focus on the crowded dance floor. “Why aren’t you out there?” Most nights during our bar visits, Ryker would be on the dance floor by now. With a new woman he intended to take home.
“I’m waiting on someone.”
I follow his gaze to Averie Knox at the bar, sitting next to Sadie, clinking shot glasses together with big smiles plastered on their bright faces. Fucking perfect. “You might be waiting here a while,” I mutter.
“I’ve got all night if that’s what it takes.
” Ryker sips his beer, keeping his eyes on Averie while he fiddles with his military tag—a tag that belonged to his older brother Sawyer.
He died while he was overseas a while back.
The fiddling is a sign that Ryker is somewhere I can’t reach him. “Alaska is outside,” he murmurs.
“Hey,” I grab his wrist, and he stops. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he smiles, dropping his tag as the haze in his brown eyes clears. “Go on. She’s been waiting for you.”
“Are you sur—”
“Just go,” he interrupts me. “I’m just fine right here.”
I sigh and pat him on the shoulder, glancing at Sadie laughing at the bar before heading outside into the frigid night air.
Finding Alaska standing next to Hudson. A man I work with quite often on the ranch, when I’m not paired with Ryker.
Hudson and I are similar in many ways. Except he’s blonde and a few years younger than me.
Alaska turns towards me, and they stop talking.
Were they talking about me?
“Can I have a word?” I ask her.
She nods with a slight smile.
“I’ll umm… I’ll see you around,” Hudson stutters, stepping away awkwardly. But before he takes a step, Alaska grabs his arm, pulling him back.
“Thank you, Hudson.” Something flickers in her eyes as she meets his gaze. “For everything you said.”
A smile crosses his face, and then Hudson nods, tilting his cowboy hat to her before he wanders off.
I step towards her, closing the space, thinking long and hard about what to say to her with my hands tucked deep into my pockets, but all that comes out is, “Hey.”
Alaska tucks her hands into her long coat, “Hey.”
“So, you’re having a baby,” I say, clearing the air.
“I’m having a baby,” she repeats, cradling her bump.
Which is just crazy, to be honest.
I’m still struggling to understand… to make sense of her situation. I didn’t even know she was seeing someone, but whoever he is, he deserves a broken nose.
“Who’s the father?” Her gaze falls to the ground, sucking in a breath like she feels pain in that question. “I’m sorry, you don’t need to answer that. It’s not really any of my business.”
“It should’ve been,” she murmurs.
Her response takes me aback. The guilt in my heart settles deeper.
“You were my best friend, and you just… disappeared.”
My chest constricts. She’s my oldest friend. A genuine soul, unlike so many others, and the best kind of person. But all I can see is the hurt and pain in her almond-shaped eyes, hurt that was caused by me.
“I know,” I murmur. “And you were mine.”
She steps closer, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Was it really that bad of a kiss?”
“Of course, not.” Honestly, it felt good in the moment. Her lips on mine, but too soon did the rush of guilt and fear settle in. “I just… I couldn’t…” I struggle to find the words. “I can’t give you the things that you need, Alaska. The things you deserve.”
And that’s the truth. Things I’ve been needing to say for months. She has gone through so much in the past year, and I would only bring her down. I don’t know if my heart will ever be whole again, but I couldn’t be the man that she needed, and I realized it the second I kissed her.
“I’m not the person you remember from when we were kids,” I continue. “And for a moment, I thought that maybe I could be, but I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was selfish. I’m sorry. If I could take it back, I would, but—”
“Don’t,” she puts a hand up, cutting me off. “I’d rather never hear those words. Makes it feel like what you did was wrong, but it didn’t feel wrong to me, Kit.”
My throat tightens.
“You know, I’ve been angry with you for six months…” She pauses as thoughts pass behind her eyes. “But Hudson was right.” Realization crosses her face.
“Hudson?” What did he say to her?
“Tonight, painful as it was, brought me a lot of clarity.”
It’s my turn to look confused.
She steps closer with something glinting in her eyes, stopping inches in front of me. “You’ll never look at me the way you look at her.”
“The way I look at who?” I scrunch my brows.
“The girl you came with,” she says.
A laugh breaks from my throat. “It’s not like that.” It’s ridiculous she even thinks that. And I wouldn’t classify Sadie as simply a girl—she’s something else entirely.
“I’ve known you my whole life, and I have yet to ride in your truck or dance with you. You like her, Kit.”
Fair points, but she’s way off. “That dance was for a deal we made.” But Alaska does not look convinced. “She’s the most annoying person I’ve ever met.”
“Maybe that’s true, but Ryker thinks the same.”
“Ryker’s a damn fool,” I huff. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Now I want to know what he said to her. Is everyone in this town against me?
She crosses her arms in front of her. “You’re really defensive about someone you claim you don’t like.”
I bite my tongue, not wanting to prove her point.
Alaska sighs. “Look, I saw you with her, Kit. Maybe you don’t want to see it because it’s easier. Because it’s safe. Or maybe you feel guilty for allowing yourself something that you want. But you deserve to be happy, too.”
Her words cut through me like sharp glass. She could always see right through me. Despite six months of silence, she still has that power over me.
“I don’t want her.” The crack in my voice says otherwise.
“You’re scared,” she murmurs, and I shift uncomfortably at her truth. “What happened to you was unfair. But you don’t need to keep punishing yourself for what Dakota did. It’s okay to try again. To move on with your life.”
She knew my story better than most, but I never wanted to try again. And I definitely don’t know how to move on from all the hurt still buried inside my heart. “Alaska—"
“And if Sadie is that girl,” she continues, her voice breaking as she cuts me off, “Then I’m happy for you.
” She smiles with glassy eyes, reaching her hand to my shoulder, reassuring me like the good friend she’s always been to me.
“You should be honest with yourself. Sometimes you only get one chance at something.”
The guilt in my chest sinks deeper.
“Alaska, I’m—” I start apologizing once more, but the sound of crunching gravel snaps our attention.
Sadie and Averie step out of the shadows.
I’d guess they were spying on us with the guilty expressions on their faces. Sadie sheepishly waves at me, and Averie laughs. They look drunk as fuck, shivering in the cold like they’ve been standing there for a while.
I sigh deeply with frustration.
Alaska squeezes my forearm. “It was good to see you tonight. Don’t be a stranger.” With that, she leaves, heading back into the bar.
My eyes hone in on Sadie and Averie.
If looks could kill, this one would.
“Call me later, girl,” Averie murmurs to Sadie before she darts back inside, following Alaska.
“You been spying long?”
“No…” Sadie replies with an innocent look on her face as she moves towards me, creating jagged lines in the snow. “Just long enough,” she smiles, slurring her words.
Exactly as I thought.
“I just did six shots of tequila,” she grins, licking her puffy lips.
“Six?” I repeat.
She shrugs like it’s nothing, but I’m surprised she’s not on her ass. Her tongue rolls around like she’s digging for something in her mouth. “Tongues are so weird.”
“Excuse me?” Is she seriously talking about her tongue?
“I can’t feel it,” she pinches it between two fingers. “Touch it,” she steps towards me.
“I’m not touching your tongue,” I step back.
“Why?” she smiles widely. “Afraid you’d like it?” My deep scowl makes her laugh. “We should probably go home before you can’t trust me, Cowboy,” she winks at me.
“I already don’t trust you,” I fire back.
“Then we should definitely go home.” She sways before a shiver runs through her and she sways again. Almost falling over in the process.
I grab her arm, steadying her. “If you vomit in my truck, you’re walking.”
“You’re such a grump.” She hooks her arm through mine, shivering once more in her thin fringe coat. “But a warm grump,” she snuggles against me, burying her head under my arm.
Fuck me and this entire fucking night.
After letting out a breath of hot air, I take off my flannel and wrap it around her shoulders.
“Well now, there’s that charming side I’ve heard about,” she smiles, threading her arms into my flannel. It’s way too big on her, but something about it looks… nope, I don’t even want to think about it.
“Don’t get used to it.”
She laughs, pulling me along toward my truck. “Come on, Cowboy. I’m freezing.”