Chapter 25 #2
Warning signals roll down my spine, telling me to run, telling me to stay, telling me to fight for this because I want to trust him.
I want to let him in. I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit I wanted more…
but what if he sees the real me? Will he still want me when he finds out I’ve been lying to him this whole time?
Keeping secrets about myself, about my past... about everything.
He’s already found my scars, but the real ones are buried inside my heart. I love what we have, but I need boundaries.
And he needs to understand them.
When the game finally ends, I’m a ball of anxiety and stress. Everyone leaves, giving me hugs, and I receive a swift handshake from Hudson. “This was nice. Thanks for having me,” Hudson says, but his eyes drop to my clenched fists, like he can sense my frustration.
He tries to say something else, but Blake pulls me in for a bear hug before he can speak. Followed by Ryker, who whispers in my ear.
“You remember what I said?” Ryker teases with a lopsided grin. “Big wedding,” he smirks, mouthing the words.
My heart plummets to the floor.
Ryker follows Blake out the door, and Kit closes it with a thud, turning to me as he lets out a deep exhale. “Fuck, I thought they’d never leave,” he smiles, stepping towards me with intention.
“I can’t marry you,” I blurt, nerves and anxiety built to a breaking point.
His eyes widen in shock before the hurt follows, crushing me as I knew it would. “…Alright,” he murmurs. “But you do realize I haven’t asked you,” a small smile forms in the corner of his mouth, trying to lighten the mood.
“And you can’t. Because I can’t.”
He blinks, stuck in my words. “Why?”
“I just—can’t,” I say firmly. “You need to know this… thing we have can only go so far.”
For me, it can only be this.
“This thing…” he repeats, closing the space. His rough hands find mine, fiddling with them for a moment. “And how far do you want it to go?”
My heart races at his closeness, at the feeling of the warmth of his body. The steady pressure of his hands. “This is it,” I murmur. “With me, this is it.”
He scans my face, stopping at my mouth, bringing his hand up to caress my jaw with his thumb. “You’re scared,” he says as a statement, rather than a question. “You’re scared that I’m going to hurt you.” A winter storm brews in his blue eyes. I can feel his anger, his frustration, and his pain.
Before I can answer, he grabs my hand and places it over his heart. “Do you feel that?” he asks.
I sigh. “Kit—”
“Do you feel it?” he asks again.
The thrum of his heartbeat vibrates under my hand. “Yes, of course, but—”
“Focus on it. Focus on the steady rhythm. The way it feels under your hand.” His heartbeat feels strong, steady, and sure. “Now close your eyes.”
“What?”
“Close your eyes,” he smiles.
I don’t understand what he’s doing, but I close them.
“Now, tell me what you feel.”
I sigh with frustration. “This is silly.” And absolutely ridiculous. What is feeling his heartbeat going to prove?
“No, it’s not.” The cockiness of his tone sends warmth to my thighs. If I could see him, I’m sure he’d be smirking at me. “What do you feel, Sadie?” He asks again.
“I feel your heart, obviously,” annoyance laces my tone.
If it were possible to roll my eyes at him while they’re closed, I would.
“Is it warm?”
Of course, it’s fucking warm. “Yes.”
He grabs my other hand, fingers grazing my palm in soft, sweet strokes, slowly igniting a fire inside me. My annoyance dissipates in seconds.
Alright, now I’m intrigued.
“And now what is it doing?” he asks.
My breath hitches. “Beating faster.”
He places my other hand on his chest, wrapping his arms around me.
Grazing my lower back so softly that my core clenches.
“And how do you feel about me, Sadie?” Such a simple question, and yet there isn’t a way to describe it without using words I can’t say…
“Is it a good feeling?” He asks when I don’t answer.
“Yes,” I whisper. Despite my panic and fear about intimacy, about my feelings for him, it feels good to be close to him. To be in the warm bubble of us.
“And do you trust me?”
My pulse accelerates. “Yes,” I say to my surprise, but it sounds unsure.
His lips caress mine. A soft kiss that takes my breath away, leaving me wanting more. “Do you feel safe?” His breath pulsates on my skin.
“Yes,” my voice barely comes out in a whisper.
His hand drifts to my jaw, and I open my eyes, meeting his, and I’m lost in the blue.
“After all you’ve been through, Sadie… you test people.
It’s something I noticed from the start.
Though I didn’t quite understand why, but I do now.
You push my buttons and get under my skin because you’re afraid I’ll hurt you. That I’ll turn out just like him.”
The depth of his words fills my eyes with water, sinking in deep.
I don’t know how he can see me so clearly, understand me in a way no one else can.
He only knew the surface of my past… but yet, he sees me.
Despite how anxious it makes me feel, the soft look in his eyes confirms how much he cares for me.
“But let me be very clear, Sadie.” The soft caress of his voice is gone, turning to ice.
“If any man puts his hands on you, I will break them.” My body shivers, recognizing the truth of his words.
“I’ve been protecting you and keeping you safe since the start.
I’m not going to stop now.” His hand moves over my heart, resting there.
“Your heart is safe with mine. I don’t know what the future looks like, but I can promise you that. ”
My arms wrap around him, pulling him in tight before the tears start to fall. Even with our height difference, I mold perfectly into the curve of his body.
He hugs me like he can fix the brokenness inside of me. Like he can fix all the pieces. We stay like that, for how long, I’m not sure. But somehow the panic and fear are gone, misplaced by the warmth of him—the sureness of his words and his embrace.
Later that night, I’m wrapped up in his arms with Bandit and Foxie lying at our feet.
My back is to his front as he holds me close, and the story of my childhood comes pouring out of me.
I’m not ready to tell him about Markus, but I could tell him about my family, or what was left of it.
“My dad died when I was two. I don’t remember him, but his name was Marshall. ” I pause, finding the words.
“My mom, Layla, drowned when I was six. She worked as a waitress at a diner near home. My brother, Jaxson, and I used to go there for dinner most nights.” I pause, preparing myself. “She had a terrible habit of dating toxic men… men that hurt her.”
His fingers stroke my arm in assurance.
“One night we visited her, but she wasn’t there.
I was so young… but I remember Jaxson screaming.
Trying to save her from her abusive boyfriend.
But he couldn’t. My older brother has never fully forgiven himself for it.
Ever since then, he’s felt responsible for me.
That’s why I can’t swim. I watched her drown in the river and… ”
He rolls me over, meeting my teary eyes. “I’m so sorry, Sadie.”
“After that, our uncle took care of us. He didn’t want us, but he put us to work on his farm to earn our keep.
Turns out, it was something I loved.” Kit smiles at that.
“Jax hated it, but that farm saved my life. I became obsessed with having my own someday. That’s when I started collecting Farm & Cattle magazines, and this place,” I suck in a breath, “Lone Pine has always stood out to me.”
Kit’s eyes fill with emotion, as if he already knows what I’m trying to say.
“I feel as if I’ve been dreaming about this ranch my whole life. Since I started collecting those magazines. I’ve never felt like I had a home until the day I came here.” Cole, Annie, Averie, Blake, Wes, Hudson, Ryker… this entire ranch felt like the family I never had.
He kisses me, softly. “You belong here, Sadie.”
And then I’m kissing him harder, pulled under the spell of his lips and his tongue, wanting to feel as much of his skin against mine as possible.
He was safe, and I’ve known it all along.
My fingers drift under his T-shirt, and his breath accelerates with my touch. Hot. Aching. The fire between us could melt winter storms, unthaw frozen rivers.
His calloused hand trails down, sliding under my pajamas, connecting to the wetness between my thighs.
“Now, respectfully,” he murmurs against my lips. “I’m going to need you to take off your pants and sit on my face.”
“What?” My core clenches, caught off guard by the sudden change in him.
He smiles. “You heard me,” he taps my lips. “I’ve been dreaming about this exact position for a while now.” His hand drifts back down my abdomen, moving towards the waistband of my pajama pants. “I want you to come all over my tongue before I go insane.”
“Kit—” I start to say, but he pulls down my pants, eager to get started. A breathy laugh escapes my lips. “I’ve never… been in that position before.” How can he always find ways to embarrass me? My face is redder than a firetruck.
“Really?” I nod, confirming. “Well, that’s a damn shame, Tequila.
” He tugs off my underwear, running his hand over me, feeling how wet I already am.
“You’re going to love it. But I’m not going to lie.
I like that I’ll be your first face ride.
” He pulls off his shirt and rolls over, smirking at me. “Now come here and fuck my face.”
A shiver rolls through me. “You’re filthy, Cowboy.”
He smiles at that, waving me over.
I situate myself on my knees, placing my legs on either side of him, feeling his hard dick pressing against me through his sweatpants. He senses my hesitation, running his hands under my baggy T-shirt.
“Take this off,” he says gently.
I do as he says, tossing it on the floor, pulse racing.