Jace
Idid it to myself. I know this. But the echo of his words have played on an endless loop in my head and I can’t help the irritation I’ve felt all week long.
Thanks, mate.
I stare at my phone, like I’ve done all week, wondering if he’ll message me. At least just to thank me for the ride.
But he already did, you idiot.
Thanks, mate.
The mocking words repeat again and I groan in frustration.
I push out a long breath. I’m just not on my game because of the court hearing tomorrow. But I need a distraction. I open the social share app and go directly to my messages.
Jacewilderofficial: I take it you got home okay and you’re not dead in an alley somewhere?
That’s good, right? A little playful but checking on his well-being.
Lennoxrome: If I wasn’t sitting cozy in my pajamas at home, I’d be long dead by now. My body would be fully decomposed, rotted into the earth leaving behind nothing but my perfectly pearly whites and everlasting awesomeness.
An unavoidable smile crosses my face with his over-the-top sarcasm.
Typing bubbles pop up again.
Lennoxrome: I’ve had a question I’ve been dying to ask you all week.
My pulse picks up and I type back immediately curious, but try to keep it as cool as possible.
Jacewilderofficial: What’s up?
Lennoxrome: Is Howard half robot?
A laugh bursts from my chest.
Lennoxrome: Seriously. One word responses. Conversationally challenged. Stiff movements. He’s a real-life AI creation, isn’t he?
Jacewilderofficial: LOL. He’s loyal, discreet, and a real-life human.
Lennoxrome: Hmm. I’m not convinced.
Jacewilderofficial: How can I convince you?
Am I flirting? That is me flirty. God, I’m ridiculous.
Lennoxrome: If your loyal Howard is a robot, he’d be able to use his artificial intelligence and prevent you from sending a selfie to me. Just saying.
Jacewilderofficial: Is that right?
Lennoxrome: Yep. True fact.
God, he’s incorrigible. Still, my smile is unavoidable as I flip my camera around and hold it up at face-level to take a picture.
As comfortable as I am in front of a camera, when it comes to selfies, I might as well be a baby giraffe on ice skates.
My face comes into focus and I can’t help but scrunch up my nose as I inspect the dark circles and tired bags under my eyes.
My body is physically responding to the loss of Lennox’s light and humor. Something I’ve missed every day. More than I’d like to admit.
I can’t send him a mug shot, so I smile but it’s dull. Like everything else in my life.
That looks fake and really stupid.
I stick my tongue out. Christ, that’s even worse.
Ugh. God. I don’t do selfies.
I suck in a deep breath and close my eyes, thinking back on filming and the moments we had in the trailer. The night in Vegas, and our banter at the table reads.
My lips turn up in a half smile at the memories and I can physically feel my shoulders relax.
I recall the incident at the cabin when the bear practically knocked on our door and Lennox’s face when he saw it jump on its hind legs flashes in my mind, and that blows a mile wide smile on my face.
I open my eyes and imagine as if I can see him now, then snap the picture.
Before overthinking it, I hit send and within seconds he replies.
Lennoxrome: There’s my smile.
Jacewilderofficial: What smile is that?
Lennoxrome: The one I’ve only seen when we’re alone.
Lennoxrome: Your real smile.
Jacewilderofficial: I smile for real all the time.
Lennoxrome: Liar.
Lennoxrome: There are two distinct lines that form at the corner of your right eyelid when you smile for real. Also, there’s a tiny hidden dimple at the top corner of your lip.
Lennoxrome: I love that bloody dimple.
My heart lurches in my chest and it’s momentarily hard to breathe. How does he do that? How does he manage to make me feel so much happiness but incredibly anxious at the same time.
Lennoxrome: Sorry. Shouldn’t have said that.
Lennoxrome: But.. it’s all true.
Jacewilderofficial: I was thinking about you when I snapped the picture.
Lennoxrome: I know
Jacewilderofficial: No, you don’t.
Lennoxrome: I only ever see that gorgeous dimple when you look at me.
Lennoxrome: It’s not cocky, it’s facts. #Sorrynotsorry
I smile again. My heart is feeling something it hasn’t felt in…well, since I saw him last.
Why is the one person I shouldn’t be talking to the only person I actually want to talk to?
I click off my phone and slouch back in my chair, glancing around the house I’ve lived in since I was twenty-one. It took a long time to convince my mother that I was totally capable of living on my own.
Even though it's technically my house, it’s all her decor and style. A stark reminder that I’m surrounded by her, trapped by her.
My house is big, not as big as the one her and my father live in but they purchased that while I was still living with them, using money from my recurring childhood TV shows and movies. It made sense at that time to my younger self.
Now, I’m not so sure. I don’t know if she’s been any better than some of the others that have tried to use me for my fame and money in the past.
I have no idea how much money I have saved because I have no clue as to what she’s spent or how she’s invested it.
I ask, but she never tells me.
She’s only ever known taking care of me. She drove me to auditions as a kid, didn’t work so she could find all the commercials and kids shows to make appearances in.
That was until things got more complicated and intense with the legal dealings of a pre-teen and work permits, so Gordon stepped in to help.
Still, my salary has always paid hers, so, if the court relinquishes the conservatorship my parents will have nothing to fall back on financially.
I crawl into the right side of my bed, pulling the comforter over me. Ironically, the comforter is not comfortable at all, especially as I look over to my left and see an empty bed.
It’s always been that way but the few times Lennox has been there have been the most comforting nights I’ve ever had.
I hate knowing what I’m missing out on.