12. Sophie
TWELVE
SOPHIE
I manage to sleep through brunch with friends, but Maya isn’t going to let me stay at home in my pajamas all day, which is why I’m now standing outside of a home goods store waiting for her.
“It would be so much more acceptable if you’d bailed on brunch because you were wrapped around a tattooed ginger giant,” she yells from an inappropriate distance.
I tip my head back and take a deep breath. I love her , I remind myself. She opened her home for me when Gregory kicked me out. She’s a good friend. She wants only good things for me.
She greets me with one of her bone-crushing hugs. “You were missed,” she huffs. “Yas could have used your smile. I can tell she’s nervous about Miguel’s recovery.”
Yasmine has been there for me since I got lost on campus my first week of university and guilt gnaws at me. Her fiancé had a heart transplant two weeks ago, and I haven’t seen her yet. “I’ll call her later to see when a good time to stop by will be. What are we looking for again?”
“New bedroom lamps. ”
“What’s wrong with the ones you have?” I’d been with her a year ago when she had moved into her new place and had raved about the vintage lamps she’d found for her side tables.
“Davis happened.”
“Davis?”
“Hinge date. He was…” She looks at me and grins. “Acrobatic.”
“Gotcha.” I nod in understanding. “So are we looking for Davis-proof replacements or…”
“What a fun indirect way of asking me if I’ll be sleeping with him again.” Maya laughs but doesn’t elaborate, so I drop it.
“So did the alumni people buy your fakeship?” Maya asks while we browse a row of new lamps made to look old but with a price tag of an original Van Gogh.
“We deserved an Oscar for our performance. I was so nervous, but I really had no reason to be. Gregory spent most of the night glaring at him.”
“Oh, we love a jealous ex!” She smirks while flipping over the tag of a pair of blue and gold lamps. “What do you think of these?”
I walk over to examine them closer. “I think they will break even faster than the other ones.”
“Ugh, you’re right, but all the durable lamps are repulsive,” she insists.
“I mean, you could find someone who’s less… what did you say? Acrobatic? Or forego bedroom sex altogether to avoid the risk of breaking another lamp.”
“I’d rather break another lamp.” She flips the tag over again and sighs. “I think I have to get these.”
“Why don’t you think about it for a day, and if you still want them after a few hours, come back tomorrow?”
“Sophie, you know the rules at this place. If you don’t buy it now, it’s… poof, zap, dab.”
“Dab?”
“Gone!” She throws her hands out dramatically.
By the time we walk out, Maya is carrying a bag with two new lamps and a basket she claims she has to have to keep her throws in.
“So date number two tomorrow?” Maya asks after she slides into the passenger seat.
I glare over at her. “Your car is fine, isn’t it? You wanted a ride home so you could get me alone to ask me questions.”
She looks over with a huge smile. “Guilty! Also I wanted more than one mimosa at breakfast, and also, climate change. It was a win-win-win.”
“ Friend date, outing, whatever number two is tomorrow, yes. I have no idea what to expect. Who the hell has an April Fools’ barbecue?”
“Full disclosure, it totally seems like something your dad would have.”
I snort because she’s right. “He totally would. Just to be different.”
“I say embrace the different. Especially when it’s the kind of different that gets you more time with Foster. And I know, I know, you’re not ready. But there is nothing wrong with testing the waters. Consider this practice for what a healthy relationship looks like.”
“Maya, we are pretending to be a couple. I’m not sure that’s healthy.”
“It is if it’s for your own sanity. His friends stop throwing women at him, and Asshat McPrickface thinks you’ve moved on and he hates it.” She does have a point there. Although I’ve been wrestling with some not-so-great feelings since last night. He may be annoyed that I appear to have moved on, but seeing him had a negative impact on me both mentally and physically. It felt good being out with Foster, but the happy mask slipped off the minute he drove away. It’s exhausting to act fine. It’s hard to feel extreme happiness because I’m with one of my favorite people while also feeling like I have to be on guard for certain behaviors and fearing that I’ll miss the signs again because someone is making me feel good.
“Listen.” Maya takes my hand. “I know there’s a lot you haven’t told me, but if you are ever ready, I’m here and I promise to keep my judgments locked up, unless you want them.”
“I love you, do you know that? Like a whole lot.”
“Yes, I do. You’re not capable of half-love, Soph. You love with every atom of your being.”
That’s one of my fucking problems.
At home I flop down on the couch and let my mind wander instead of tackling the two laundry baskets of clean clothes that need to be folded and put away. I’m tired. Between the lack of sleep the past couple of nights and the anxiety of preparing for the gala, it feels like my entire body is about to shut down.
I’m swamped but nowhere near as swamped as the educational assistants. I’d heard how bad things were, but I don’t think it sunk in until I witnessed it. There are sixteen students who require physical or mental assistance. Many require both, and there are only six EAs. My tiredness is nothing compared to theirs.
Last Wednesday, I ran into Principal Wong in the hall after walking with Pete back to class. She caught me lingering outside the classroom as I watched Foster welcome him back. She told me that when Foster had arrived at the school two years ago Pete was drawn to him immediately. Foster claims it’s because they’re both gingers, I think it’s because Foster has that something. When he’s around, it feels like things are going to be okay. I don’t think I realized how badly I was in need of that until recently.
In our session on Friday, Pete told me he’s scared about leaving the school or Foster changing schools because he makes it easier to be there. Pete’s teacher informed me one day at lunch that his self-confidence has improved noticeably since Foster’s arrival, and for math and science he was confident enough that Foster was able to go assist other students. The other EAs seem just as passionate about ensuring their students get to experience school as normally as possible. And despite being short-staffed, I’ve been amazed at how they come together to support one another.
I wake up on the couch with every muscle screaming at me. Blinking sleep from my eyes, I flip my phone over. It’s six thirty, and I’ve missed two calls from my mom. I’ll call her tomorrow morning, probably bright and early since I’ve fucked over any chance I have of sleeping tonight. You get to hang out with Foster tomorrow , a little voice cheers. I let myself sink back into the couch with that thought soothing me.