Chapter 9
“Stalking is a crime, Darcie.” Cayden’s familiar voice calls from behind me. We were sent back to the black market today, considering there was a tip Cayden would be here. What I didn’t expect was to see another blond guy with him.
Blondie is almost the exact opposite to Cayden: pale skin, blond hair, blue eyes. A contrast to Cayden and his darkening personality. Maybe today I’ll make him like me, though I doubt it very much.
“Wouldn’t you know, Cayden.” Blondie snorts from beside him.
“Darl—Darcie, nice to meet you,” Blondie says, his eyes flickering with something as Cayden glares at him. And for a moment, it almost sounded like he was going to say Darlia.
I don’t like that at all.
“It’s hardly fair that you know my name, but I don’t know yours.”
“The world isn’t fair, darling,” Cayden says, crossing his arms over his chest as he stares down at me, looking the exact opposite of liking me.
This is so exhausting. I’ve never had to work this hard on a target before.
“And what is that supposed to mean?” I cross my arms over my chest, mimicking his position. Ha. Take that, asshole. I even push for the glare, though I think he wins that one.
To some miracle, he finds the humour in my despair and smirks.
“It means, no one is coming to save you, princess.” My heart stops in my chest. Does he know something? Does he actually know who I am? The Academy? Blondie almost said my real name before…A shiver runs down my spine. I think Cayden knows.
“And what gave you the impression I want to be saved? And I assure you, I am no princess.” Every single sense is on high alert, and for the first time ever, I feel vulnerable.
“Everybody wants to be saved from something.”
Think, Darlia. Think. Throw him off. Do something to prove what he might know.
“And what do you think I need saving from?”
Cayden blinks, but doesn’t answer. Instead he turns to Blondie, dismissing him before turning back to me with a flicker of…something…in his eyes.
I hate this. Why can’t I just kill him? I hate having to care about how Cayden feels, what he’s thinking about. All I care about is how my gun will look between his lips or my knife against his throat. I don’t know how to make people, much less targets, like me.
Human bodies are delicate by design; even a small fall can graze your skin enough to draw blood. So when I use my knife, the skin slices open without resistance, crimson draining from their bodies like a baptising.
That’s another word Bella taught me, though honestly I still don’t understand it.
“Come for a walk with me, Darcie?”
My heart stops in my chest, but I take his offered hand anyway for a reason beyond me.
Cayden leads us back up to surface level, where the street lights of Zone Three still shine, a small luxury they are allowed.
Zones One and Two aren’t so fortunate; their lights turn off at midnight every day for curfew.
Though it makes sense; why would anyone be out past midnight in Zone Two?
I’ve never really stopped to look at the zones, all my targets have had the same outcome: kill, or be killed. And I’m not a huge fan of the latter.
But staring at it now, seeing all the houses, the buildings that look older than me, the darkness that goes beyond the Zone into the others. It’s almost haunting to see how dark it is on the other side, only lit by the moonlight and the stars above.
Cayden drops his cigarette, crushing it with his shoe as he takes my hand. “Dance with me, Darcie?”
I don't manage to respond as he leads me out to the road illuminated by the street lamps, the corner of his mouth tilting into a smile as he spins me around.
“You are beautiful,” Cayden whispers as he moves his hands to my waist. I freeze again. No one has ever touched me so freely before.
I don’t get the luxury of kindness at The Academy, and the mere touch of his hand on my waist has my fight-or-flight activated.
What if the Major can see? The Madam? The Overseer? What if this is a test? Maybe that’s why they almost said Darlia. They do know about The Academy. They’re testing me.
Suddenly, the air feels tight and heavy, and I’m feeling something I haven’t felt in over ten years: panic.
Lauren comes through my earpiece saying something, but I don’t hear it.
I’m unable to do anything. Did he drug me?
I’ve never felt like this before. Everything turns muffled, and only the sound of my heart racing reaches my ears.
“Darcie?” Cayden’s voice fills with concern.
“Darlia, what the fuck is going on?” Lauren’s voice fills my head, this time audible.
Pulling away from Cayden, I turn and start walking in no particular direction, trying to find a way out of the panic seeping through my bones when I see an empty bathroom in an abandoned shopping centre. I waste no time, walking inside and locking the door before leaning over the sink.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Breathe, Darlia, breathe. Just fucking—
“Darlia?” Lauren’s voice fills my ears again, and I’m grateful for the distraction.
Turning my earpiece back on, I manage to respond, “I’m here, just give me a minute.” My voice is hoarse, and I groan. If Madam decides to review our conversation, I’m screwed and guaranteed a night in the chair.
Looking into the mirror for the first time since leaving The Academy, I see the fear in my reflection. Fear I have always been able to hide. Yet one touch, and my walls crumble; it’s almost laughable. The best at everything, except for genuine human connection, apparently.
Exactly how The Academy trained me to be.
Forcing deep breaths and the air to fill my lungs, I ground myself back to the present, trying to calm down and remember who I am. I am an assassin. I can handle a little touch. I am Darlia, PX-3, an agent of The Academy and the best at what we do.
I want this target dead. And I want to be the one to do it.
Forcing myself to go cold again, I allow myself one final moment to collect myself before I step back out of the bathroom.
Cayden is leaning against the wall, waiting for me. His eyes fill with concern as he looks me over, a soft and barely audible sigh leaving his lips when he realises I look like I’m okay.
“You okay? I didn’t mean to scare you. I swear, I won’t touch you again without your permission.” There’s a panic in his voice that wasn’t there before. I can’t decide if he’s scared that he upset me, or scared that I know this is another Academy test. It has to be the latter.
“I’m fine, I must’ve eaten something that didn't agree with me.”
Cayden’s brows knit in confusion like he doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t push further either.
“Alright, come on. I’ll take you back outside for some fresh air,” he says, careful not to touch me as he leads me outside back up the broken subway stairs, letting the fresh air fill my lungs.
“Take as long as you need. I’ll make sure no one disturbs us. ”
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I ask before I can stop myself. Is this all a part of some Academy test? It has to be; there is no other reason why this target would be different. They have to be testing me, seeing my reaction to kindness. And I’m pretty sure I failed.
“Basic respect is not kindness, Darcie. Anyone would help someone about to have a panic attack. Or at least I would like to believe that.”
Panic attack? No, I was not having a panic attack. I was nervous for a second, but saying I was going to have a panic attack? I don’t even know what that is, because I can’t afford to have one. I am PX-3, a lethal assassin. I do not have panic attacks.
“Why do you act like kindness is so distant to you?” Cayden asks, stepping closer to me but still leaving just enough distance between us, being careful he doesn’t touch me.
Damn him for being so…I don’t know. But whatever test they have him playing, he’s good.
Too good. His genuine remorse is unsettling.
“Wouldn’t you say the same? We have order, but it comes at a cost. Citizens lost their faith after the war. Our order keeps us safe, but the citizens haven’t been the same since.” I recite what we were told in our classes; it’s our job to restore that faith and keep our citizens safe.
“Do you always say what they tell you to?” Cayden asks, his voice so smooth I almost miss the words leaving his lips. The moment I do, my eyes flick up to his, and his lips twitch into a smirk again.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact you’re in regulation clothes, with your hair up in a regulation style, with a knife strapped to your thigh, knives only The Academy can buy.
Your assigned name is tattooed on your skin like a curse.
I know exactly who you are, but what I’m wondering is, if you even remember who you were, Darlia. ”
I feel the blood rushing through my veins as a chill seeps through my body. Cayden can’t know; it’s impossible. Every detail about The Academy is so deeply hidden to keep us safe, to keep our identities secure. The Academy keeps us safe, protected.
Dread flows through my body, Cayden knows my name. Not the fake name I gave him, but Darlia. How can he know that? Why would he know that? The Academy protects the identity of all its agents, so how the fuck does he know my name?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I manage, my voice barely a whisper as I wrap my hand around my wrist to hide the faded ink. Cayden doesn’t move or try to convince me otherwise; instead, he nods and takes a step back.
“Alright.”
Alright? He’s just admitted to knowing classified information, and all he has to say for himself is alright? No, no, not alright. So not alright.
“What are you referring to, anyway?” I ask, trying to play dumb. Cayden’s lips curve into a real smirk this time, his eyes glinting with amusement.
“I’m sure you’ve heard the stories of The Academy. Though not much is publicly known, all the citizens know that if they step out of line, The Academy will send someone to kill them. It’s smart, using fear to control. But fear is fragile.”
My heart is racing in my chest. This can’t be known; it can’t be. The Academy would never allow the citizens to know we exist, especially not those from Zone One or Zone Two. Cayden is a liar; he has to be.
“What happens when the fear is lost and the hope is found, Darlia darling?” I hadn’t even noticed how close he had become until I feel his breath against my ear as he whispers. The combination of his words and breath on my skin causes a shiver down my spine.
Something inside me snaps. I know I’m not supposed to kill him, but he knows too much. Unsheathing my knife, I hold it up against the delicate skin of his neck, the metal blade glinting in the moonlight. Cayden doesn’t flinch.
“I never expected any of you to look so…” He pauses, as if trying to find the word, so I finish for him.
“Human?”
With a quick shake of his head, he corrects me. “Beautiful.”
“How do you know so much about The Academy? Who is your source?”
Cayden laughs, dimples now visible on both sides of his lips. His throat bobs against my blade, making me realise he isn’t afraid of me. Every other target I have killed always had fear in their eyes as I killed them. Cayden is doing the opposite; he’s laughing. And it infuriates me.
“I know a lot more than you think, darling. But you didn’t answer my question. Do you remember who you were before they took you?”
“Of course not, I was four!” I snap, cursing myself for exposing more information than I should have yet again. In an attempt to regain control of the conversation, I step back, keeping my knife tightly in my grasp.
“So, what did you do?”
For the first time tonight, I watch his eyes darken briefly. The brown-and-golden irises turn almost black, but just as quickly they change back to normal. “Do you always ask your victims their life stories before you kill them?”
“No, usually I make tea and we have a tea party.” Rolling my eyes at the stupid question, Cayden laughs at my retort.
The sound is so warm and inviting that it unnerves me, causing goosebumps to rise on my arms. I’ve never heard someone laugh so many times in a row without fear of punishment. How can he be so relaxed?
“Stop laughing!” How can he find my demise so funny?
Cayden takes a step closer, closing the gap I had just created, tilting my chin up so my eyes meet his.
“You don’t deserve the life you have, Darlia.” His breath is warm and tingly against my skin, sending a shiver down my spine again at the proximity. No one has ever been this close to me, and I’m frozen. I can’t snap out of it.
“And you know what I deserve?”
“Not this,” Cayden says without hesitation. “Life of cruelty and punishment, where death is applauded and mercy is punished. You deserve gentleness, and the kindness you don’t seem to believe you deserve.”
“What if killing is the mercy?”
“It’s not when you do it.”