Chapter 13 #2
The bathrooms here are much like in The Academy; a line of cubicles with a single toilet, then a row of sinks outside of them.
The familiarity is oddly comforting. I lean against the sink, my hands on either side, forcing myself to take a breath when the door opens and Cayden walks in, locking the door behind him.
“Get out.” It’s an order, but it’s no use. He stands behind me with his chest pressing against my back as he stares at my reflection in the mirror. It’s the first time I’ve allowed myself to look today, and gods do I look nothing like me.
Brylee has put on thick eyelashes and done a brown eyeshadow with some sort of glitter on the lids of my eyes. My lips thankfully only have some sort of glossy lip product, and my face has been made to look more tanned. I think Brylee called it bronzer one time.
“You think I’m not doing everything I can for you?” Cayden finally speaks. I scoff, but he doesn’t give me a chance to reply before he’s grabbing my jaw gently and forcing me to look at him again in the mirror.
“Do you really think I like seeing you like this? Afraid? On edge? Do you think you would’ve had a panic attack over a few decorations if Lauren wasn’t missing?
” There’s an edge to his voice that I’ve never heard before, his usual sarcasm gone and replaced with something harder.
Something that sends a chill down my spine.
“Do you really think I want you scared? If I wanted you scared, you would be. There’s no denying you’re good at what you do, but darling, I am better.
I don’t say that to offend you, it’s just a fact.
You are beautiful, strong, dressed like walking sin, but right now, you’re completely at my mercy. And you know it.”
His lips move down to my ear, his breath warm against the skin. It makes an uneasy feeling rise up in my stomach. No, not unease. This is unlike anything I’ve felt before. I’ve heard of it, but never felt it for myself. Cayden is bringing a lot of new feelings, and I hate it.
I hate how he’s changed everything for me; how I feel, how I act, how I now lie to The Academy about who he is and what he knows. And the worst part is, I don’t know why I’m lying.
“Ask yourself, Darlia. If I’m truly as evil as The Academy tells you I am, why didn’t I try to kill you the second I realised who you were?
” His words are a whisper, but the weight of them weighs me down like nothing ever before.
Cayden’s right, and he knows it. I can’t stop the flush coming to my cheeks or the breathlessness that follows it.
“Why haven’t you told them I know everything they’re trying to protect? Why haven’t you told them about Marcus?”
The whisper sends a shiver down my spine.
“I told you I would never lie to you. I told you that you needed to ask the right questions. Yet you’ve barely asked me anything. Because you know the questions you want to ask, Who are you? Why does The Academy want me? are not the ones worth asking. You have a beautiful mind, Darlia. Use it.”
His lips connect with my neck for barely a second before he steps back and walks out of the bathroom, leaving me alone and breathless.
My skin feels like it’s on fire, leaving me trembling.
Just when I feel like I have the upper hand on Cayden Ashford, he goes and swoops it out from right under me, letting me fall to the floor.
I turn on the tap, putting cold water on my face and quickly patting it dry with a paper towel. Thank God waterproof makeup is mandated; otherwise I would’ve been screwed the second I walked through the door.
I walk back out to the hall, sitting down at the table again when the food is delivered, but this time I don’t touch it. I don’t care to be even more disadvantaged than I am right now, while Bella eats like she hasn’t in weeks.
“Be mad at me all you want, but you’re eating, Darlia.”
I don't even look at Cayden when he speaks. I just keep my eyes on the candle in the middle of the table, watching as the flame spins with the breeze in the room. It’s so peaceful. The flame isn’t worried about anyone else, or impressing anyone. It just burns until it can’t anymore.
“Unless you want me to feed you like a baby, you will eat, Darlia.”
Rolling my eyes, I pick up my fork, making sure to glare at Cayden before taking a bite.
Today’s dish is a shrimp pasta. I’ve never had shrimp before, but I don’t mind it.
It’s a lot harder than the fish from yesterday, and the tails are crispy, but the pasta is creamy and perfect.
I wish whoever made these dishes made the food at The Academy.
“Good girl.”
“Go to hell.” I have half a mind to stab him with my fork. I want to, but I also need him to give me more information to keep myself alive. Right now, he has me in the palm of his hand, and he bloody well knows it.
Cayden chuckles at my sharp retort, but doesn’t say anything else, letting me enjoy the food without interruption as the event begins.
I pay no attention to the items on sale, and neither does Cayden, which interests me.
Why would he come here to pay no attention to the items on auction?
It makes no sense other than being a waste of time.
“See anything you like?” I ask as casually as I possibly can, but his eyes never leave mine. They soften for just a moment, and the scar through his eyebrow goes smooth.
“Yeah, darling. I do.”
Marcus looks up at us as Bella looks at me confused, but I don’t manage any words as I look onto the stage, seeing the items being auctioned off.
But then I see the thing that makes my blood run cold and my heart drop.
And suddenly, I remember the one thing I never found when I turned her room upside down.
“As our luxury item of the night, we have a diary belonging to one of the deceased in a discontinued government trial project. Name Lauren Blakley, age eighteen. Lauren was one of the weaker members of the trial, but her recounts of the events with other girls within the trial go into never-seen-before detail. For safety reasons, the diary was gifted to us heavily censored, however, there is still a fair amount to read. The starting bid on this item is $200,000.”
Lauren. Deceased.
Lauren is dead.
Discontinued government trial project?
Cayden is saying something, but I don’t hear it. I think Bella grabs my hand, kneeling down beside me, but I can’t look at her. I can’t hear anything. I can’t feel anything.
Lauren is dead.
Lauren died, all because I didn’t speak up. Because I didn’t fight back against the Madam when she paired me with Bella.
Lauren is dead.
Lauren is dead.
I promised to get her out. I promised she would live. I promised to make sure she had a long, happy, and healthy life. I promised I would get her out of The Academy.
I broke my promise.
Standing as quietly as possible, not wanting to bring any more attention to myself than there already is, I walk towards the bathroom again, locking myself in a cubicle and sitting down on the closed toilet seat as the tears start to fall.
This time, I don’t even bother to stop them.
My head is spinning and my breath is short gasps.
I remember Trainer calling this hyperventilating in one of our classroom lessons.
I am completely powerless right now. In this moment, I am not the lethal assassin. I’m just a girl who lost her sister.
I pull my knees up to my chest and rock myself back and forth, something Lauren always did, something I’m now desperately seeking comfort in.
It takes a while, but eventually the tears stop, my breathing evens out, and after a longer moment, my head stops spinning.
I force myself to keep it together, to just make it back to The Academy and make it to my assigned bunk, then I can completely fall apart.
But when I open the cubicle door and see Cayden on the other side, and I run into his arms, falling apart the instant he holds me steady.
“I’ve got you. Breathe, darling. You’re safe.”
But Lauren isn’t.
I failed her.