Chapter 14 #2
This belongs to you, darling. No one else needs to know the details on these pages. Hide it well, I trust you know where they wouldn’t look. I told you I had a way into The Academy. Monroe suits you.
Yours, Cayden
I’m not sure what happens first, but my jaw drops and my eyes well over with unshed tears. Cayden bought Lauren’s diary for me. I bite back a smile at the end of the note. I almost hear him mocking me through the page, but he’s not here.
But why? Why would he spend so much on something for me?
I am just as much his target as he is mine. Cayden is using me, I am sure of it. Though I am yet to figure out why, considering he’s only given me things and asked for nothing in return.
I open up the diary to the first page, and to my relief, nothing has been removed by The Academy.
I was taken last night, taken to a place I don’t know.
I don’t like it here. I hear whispers down the hall, and sometimes I can hear crying.
It’s so dark here, I never liked the dark that much.
When the soldiers took me, they said they would help me find my mummy.
They said Mummy was waiting for me here, but I haven’t seen her yet.
Maybe I did something wrong. Mummy always says when you do something wrong, you get punished, but she’s never locked me in a dark room before. Usually she doesn’t let me have dessert, or she makes me go to bed early.
They said I would meet new friends, that I wasn’t the only one here. But I don’t want new friends, I want my mummy. She always makes me feel better, especially when she braids my hair. She always says I look so pretty with braids.
My hands shake as I hold onto the diary, afraid I’ll drop the book and it will fall. Tears drip down onto the page as I finish reading.
She was so scared.
Closing the diary and forcing myself to sit up, I quickly come up with a plan to hide the diary.
Grabbing my knife and kneeling to the side of the bed, I cut a hole in the front end of the mattress since they always check the sides.
A horizontal line in the middle hidden by the fitted sheet on top of it, exposing the padding inside.
I don’t know how he managed to get the diary inside The Academy to me, but I have never been more grateful for anything in my life. I still have a piece of Lauren, even after they tried to remove all trace of her, and that means more to me than anything else.
For a moment, I allow myself to sit in this sadness, something I rarely did before today, but finding it oddly fitting I was now doing the exact thing I said would get Lauren killed:
Showing emotion.
I remember when she first arrived at The Academy. Her blonde hair had been cut to her shoulders like everyone’s had when they first arrived. She was crying.
Lauren always cried, but never like she did that first night. I didn’t understand the difference then, but I do now. She was afraid.
Such a simple emotion, yet I have not been trained to understand it. Something I now see almost every day. I should’ve hugged her more, I should’ve comforted her more. I should’ve been a better friend.
A better sister, because that’s what Lauren was.
A knock at the door brings me back to reality, and I slip into the assigned pants and shirt laying on the bed, brushing my hair quickly but leaving it down. My mission is to talk, to be casual. For once I want to leave it down like I see everyone else doing.
Bella and I are followed out by guards to the Commander, who takes us up the lift and up to the car.
The sun is almost blinding my eyes as we walk out of the building.
It’s not very often we get to see the sun at its full height like this.
Usually it’s either late at night or early morning when we are assigned to missions. The quiet hours.
The drive is shorter than normal, too. We don’t go to the elite’s side of the town, instead we stop outside of an old brick building in Zone Three.
“Darlia, Bella, be careful. Watch your surroundings,” Wolvrin warns as we step out of the car and the SUV doors close.
They have stopped making us wear earpieces, since I convinced them it will make Cayden trust me more. Which is one less thing to have to worry about.
Now I just need to worry about everything else.
We walk up to the large wooden double doors, opening them and freezing when we see what’s inside. My heart skips a beat as pure joy flows through me. Inside are walls and walls of bookshelves, all lined up perfectly in rows unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.
The Academy has banned all but three books, and they are books they created for The Academy to help us understand the weapons we use. But this…this is like eating that dish at the gala for the first time. I could get lost here for hours and not even care.
The chair for a day is honestly worth spending the next few hours in a book.
I forget the mission entirely, walking through the lines of shelves looking over titles I’ve never even heard of before. There must be thousands of books in this room, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
“I won’t tell if you don’t,” Bella says, and immediately I’m nodding, running towards the back shelves, picking up the first book I can find and opening it.
I don’t even notice as Cayden walks in with Marcus beside him.
I’m in a world of castles and dragons and fairies.
I don’t even know what they are, but I can read about it here.
“Well hello, darling. This is a surprise.”
I don’t even look up from the pages. I am hooked on every word, as if there is magic woven into the pages that makes me unable to look away. That is until Cayden puts his hand under my chin, forcing me to look up at him and taking the book from my hands.
“There are those perfect eyes, much better. How are you, darling?”
“Give me the book back.”
He smiles, his dimples on display again, and the sinking feeling in my stomach returns. “Is that any way to speak to a friend? Careful darling, you’re forgetting your manners.” Cayden’s voice is mocking, but the jab doesn’t land.
Instead, I wrap my arms around his neck at an unexpectedly fast rate and hug him.
I guess I do owe him a thank you, considering he held me while I cried, then made sure I got Lauren’s diary.
He hesitates, probably confused why I’m willingly hugging him, before his arms wrap around me, holding me tightly.
Cayden holds me like he’s afraid to let go.
“Thank you, I don’t know how to ever repay you.” The words shock both of us with how genuine they sound. I feel Cayden relax, one hand moving to the back of my head, his fingers threading through my hair.
“You’re welcome, love.”
?
I’m not sure what time it is. The sun has moved to the west, telling me it’s probably late afternoon; not quite sunset, but not midday, either. Cayden has sat by my side all afternoon, forgetting why he came here and letting me read.
When there’s a word I don’t recognise or understand, he seems to notice straight away, helping me without judgement or hesitation.
Sometimes his fingers move to my hair, gently massaging my scalp or playing with the strands.
It all feels so surreal. Then there’s another word that makes my brows knit, and immediately Cayden sits up, looking at the page.
“What word is it this time, love?”
I point to the word on the page. Unabashed. It’s not one I remember from any of The Academy books, and it’s not one I’ve ever heard from Bella before. Cayden’s smile never falters as he sounds it out, teaching me the word.
“It means not embarrassed, the person must have not been ashamed of what they did.”
“So, they don’t care?”
“That’s it, my smart girl.”
I can’t stop the blush that rises to my cheeks or the smile that follows as I move back to the book, continuing to read through the pages. The paper is rougher than The Academy books, those feel more like plastic compared to this.
But then the memories of the storage unit come back; the photo of me on the wall, my name there for me to see. I know he wanted me to see it. Cayden wouldn’t have told me if he didn’t. But I don’t understand why. What was so important I had to see it?
“Cayden?”
“Yes, love?” His eyes are on mine in an instant, and he sits up, looking at me like he’s trying to read me. I’m too tired to mask what I’m feeling right now.
“Why did you tell me about the storage unit, what was it you wanted me to see?” I watch as his face softens slightly, the scar through his brow smoothing out again.
“Darling, if I gave you the answers, you wouldn’t believe me.”
I don’t know why I expected an answer. He promised never to lie to me, but he never promised to answer me. I sigh, my head dropping down slightly, but he quickly pulls my chin back up to look at him.
“You already know the answer, love, I know you do. But you just need to let yourself believe it. And when you ask me, I will answer you honestly, just like I always have. You’re smart, darling. You will figure it out.”
But I don’t. I don’t know the answer, and I sure don’t know what to believe anymore. Three weeks ago, I would’ve trusted The Academy to protect us, to keep us safe as long as we followed their rules and did their missions. Now that’s not even safe.
I try to process everything, trying to understand what Cayden’s trying to tell me, but I come up blank. How much can I take from a missing poster? All it has is my name and a photo of me as a child. There’s nothing else there.
“Don’t focus on it, love. It will come.”
But all I can do is focus on it, scrutinising every detail, trying to understand what I’m not seeing.
“Commander is here, we have to go,” Bella says, pulling me from my thoughts. I stand, placing the book back on the shelf before turning to Cayden.
“You’ll be okay?” he asks, moving a hand to cup my cheek, his thumb gently caressing.
“I’ll be okay.”
“You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, you know that?”
My answer isn’t verbal. Every bone in my body wants to turn to jelly and collapse into his arms again.
I have never felt the need to be weak, to let someone else take control, but for some reason with Cayden, I feel safe too.
He holds me still and keeps me up with a hand on my hip before pulling me into his chest, his hand moving from my cheek to the back of my head.
“You’re going to be okay. I promise, you will be okay.” His whispers feel like a promise, one I know he can’t keep. Not when every day I get closer to being next on the list of missing girls. Not when they expect me to fail, to not bring them the information they want.
“I’m scared,” I whisper aloud for the first time.
“I know, love. I know. You’ll be safe, I promise.”
“It’s cruel to give someone hope, Cayden.”
His response is instant, like he expected my answer and already knew how to respond, like he doesn’t want a slither of doubt in my mind.
“It’s crueller not to, love.”