Chapter 16
When morning comes, I still feel the torture from the previous night; the aching in my wrists and ankles, the throbbing on my cheek and pain still radiating in my arm from whatever drugs they gave me.
Forcing myself from the bed and removing my blanket to grab out Lauren’s journal, I use the brief moment of peace before anyone else wakes up to read some more.
Mummy still hasn’t found me. It’s been a week, and I don’t like it here.
The other girls are mean and violent. They told me I have a partner, her name is Darlia.
But I don’t want a partner, I want my mummy.
They told me to pick up a Gun today. I tried to tell them Mummy would never let me pick up a gun
But they didn’t listen. They told me my mummy would be proud of me, that she would want me to learn how to use one. I met Madam today as well, she’s mean and grouchy. I don’t understand what I did wrong, I must have done something wrong for Mummy to send me away.
It’s really cold at night, there’s only a thin blanket on my bed. They told me once I move to my assigned bunk room the blanket will be warmer, but why can’t I have one now? I can barely sleep at night with how cold it is. I don’t want to be here anymore.
I hope my mummy finds me soon.
I almost want to laugh. The Academy censored my name.
As if Cayden doesn’t already know it, and whoever else he’s told.
I flip to the next page and notice the difference in the writing immediately.
Lauren must’ve been older; she must’ve forgotten about the diary for a while and decided to come back.
It’s been three years now. I don’t wait for Mum to come back anymore, I’m not sure I would even recognise her if she did. I’ve lost most of my memories of her. Darlia is still my assigned partner, she’s much better than me at fighting, shooting, everything really.
She’s trying to teach me how to shoot, so that the Madam is happy with my progress, but the target looks so much like a person, that I tense. I can’t do it. I haven’t been allowed on any missions because of this and I can tell Darlia isn't happy with me because of it.
I try to be like her, but I can’t think about taking someone else’s life, even if they are doing a bad thing. There should be a proper justice system; a trial, jail time. Not death. But all crimes are now punishable by death.
dARLIA does protect me though, she doesn’t let the Major or the Madam hurt me. She has also taught me how to defend myself on the mat. I am getting better at that, at least. I’m just trying to survive. I just want to get out of here.
I feel my heart beat twice as fast in my chest. Lauren wanted to make me happy? She didn’t have to do that. I close the book, quickly hiding it back in the mattress before sitting with my head in my hands.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. I’m not sure how the afterlife works, or if she can hear me, but the rising guilt I feel in my chest hopes she does. I hope she understands I was just a child, too, trying to survive, trying to make everyone else happy without knowing what it would cost.
Holding back the tears that threaten to escape, I wipe my eyes and change into the assigned training uniform. I have no missions today, I have no expectations to see or talk to Cayden.
For once, it’s just a normal day of training.
I don’t wake Bella as I walk out of the assigned bunk room.
I go down to the training sector and walk into the gym where the punching bags are lined up, ready to use.
It’s mostly quiet this early in the morning; only Jackie and Padma are in the gym, both of them on the weights.
I give a simple nod as a hello before staring at the bag.
Not bothering with the gloves, I take a deep breath before hitting the hard punching bag, my knuckles almost instantly aching at the collision.
Has it really been that long since I’ve trained?
I suck in a deep breath, keeping my stomach tight as I raise my fists and punch the bag with a sharp exhale every hit.
It’s not a gun, and it’s not the knives, but it helps clear my mind from everything that’s happened.
Only when my core is aching and knuckles cannot physically handle any more do I turn to the treadmills.
We’re only expected to be able to run five miles without stopping, anything further isn’t a part of training, so I don’t usually use the machine.
Starting to run, by the time I’ve stopped, I see I ran three miles in fifty minutes. That’s the worst time yet.
Clearly my body is still trying to recover from last night.
Only when my chest feels like it’s about to give out and my lungs are protesting breathing do I stop. I jump off the treadmill and bend my head between my knees, trying to catch my breath when everything feels like stolen air.
“Everyone by the mat!” Trainer calls, forcing all of our attention towards the hoard of girls coming down the hallway to the training sector. So much for today being relaxing.
Jackie and Padma walk up beside me, not saying a word as they look up at Trainer, waiting on her every word.
“Those still with an assigned partner, stand with them. Those without, stand by me.”
My eyes immediately move to scan the crowd trying to find Bella.
When finally I see her at the back, it looks like she was ripped from the bed.
Gods, this isn’t going to be good. She’s trying to look alive, but the sleep that clings to her eyes alerts me immediately as I stand beside her, keeping my head down.
But that’s when I see just how many don’t have an assigned partner anymore. Sixteen. The number that three weeks ago was two. I take note of the new missing girls: Kaylee, Becca, Alison, Hannah, Kelly, Laura, Petra, Caighlee, and Eva.
Fifty-six.
There are fifty-six of us now, a number seems to keep dropping every single day.
“Great, there’s an even amount, so pick a person, and that is your new assigned partner.
Do not speak, just pick someone.” I watch as the girls quickly move to find a partner under the pressure.
Choose wrong, and you could die. Choose a friend, and you could die.
Choose someone better than you, and you can die.
It’s cruel.
“Hurry up, we don’t have all day!” Trainer yells, making girls jump and stand next to anyone who’s still standing alone without thinking.
“Give me a moment to write this down,” Trainer says, opening her tablet and writing down the new assigned partners, making sure to note every new pair. I can already see which ones they will be watching. This place is getting worse, and I need to find a way out.
The Academy has stopped caring about maintaining us. They’re killing us off like animals.
“Your task for today is simple. You will be permitted to exit the underground and go to the surface of The Academy. There are tokens that look like this.” She holds up a golden coin-shaped object for everyone to see before continuing.
“The tokens are around the surface within the fenced parameter. There is not an exact amount. Those who return without a token, or do not find one in the given timeframe, will be relocated. I hope you’re all ready to fight. One token per group.”
As if there hadn’t been enough death already?
“Now remember, ten in the elevator at a time. I expect a single file line once the first elevator is filled. You have one hour. Go.”
I move on pure instinct, adrenaline filling my veins as I grab Bella’s arm and sprint for the elevator, dragging her with me.
If she fell I would run harder, faster. I will not miss that first elevator.
My lungs burn as my chest heaves from the exhaustion already dreading my body, and I’m really starting to regret that run earlier.
When we reach the elevator, we are the first. I push Bella inside before entering myself and closing the door.
It gives us maybe a minute head start compared to the others.
It’s selfish, but it’s an advantage. I would give my life for any of these girls in battle, but when Bella’s is also on the line? Fuck no.
The elevator takes us up to the surface, and as soon as the familiar clank sound signals, it has stopped.
I push open the door and instantly we’re sprinting out.
There are more guards on the surface than normal, all armed with semi-automatic rifles, but my adrenaline is running too high to care. Find the token.
“Split up, search the grass, the trees, everywhere,” I tell Bella. Although I gave us a small headstart, it wasn’t by much and we’re going to need every second if we want to make it to dinner.
It’s still light outside, so I try to look for a reflection or something shiny. If there was a token in the grass, it would reflect in the light. The grass isn’t long enough to block out the sun completely, and if it hit the token just right, it would reflect.
My legs ache with the toll this is taking on my body, but there’s no way I’m dying today. I run straight into the tree line, figuring the first place the others will look will be closest to The Academy, not wanting to be the last back.
I run over to the tree line next to the fence surrounding the building. I’m still clearly visible by all the guards, but if I was hiding a token in the first place, I would go somewhere high, so I start climbing.
They wouldn’t make it easy. If it was easy, they couldn’t weed out the weak, which is exactly what they are trying to do. I climb every tree I can find, searching the tops of the branches, the leaves, in between the bark but there’s nothing. Fuck.
My head moves down to the grass, looking down and searching the field, but there’s too much space, there’s too much grass. It would take far more than an hour to search every single patch.
You’re smart, darling. You will figure it out.
Cayden’s voice fills my mind like it’s trying to get me to understand a hidden clue that I don’t have. I feel him taunting me, invading my space like he always does. And this time, he isn’t even here.