Chapter 22
The sun glares through the window, blinding me as I try to blink my eyes awake and adjust to the light. The sun, I get to see the sun. Cayden is snoring softly from behind me, his arms wrapped around me, holding tightly, like he’s afraid to let go even in sleep.
His breath warm on my neck is comforting in a way I’ve never felt before. In Cayden’s arms, I feel safe, calm. The thought alone is enough to nerve me out of bed.
Struggling to break free from his grasp, I gently remove his arms from around my waist and get out of the bed without waking him. Walking to the bathroom, I get ready to go back to The Academy.
I might not want to go back, but we both know I don’t have a choice.
Putting on my training uniform, I lace up the boots and quickly try to find a spare toothbrush to brush my teeth with, but come up empty. Instead I find a bottle of mouthwash, something I’ve never used before.
I read the back for the instructions, making sure not to swallow the mouthwash (it was in bold letters in the writing) before spitting it out into the sink and turning back to the bedroom.
I don’t even realise Cayden is standing, watching me in the doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes are still half-lidded with sleep.
He looks so soft this morning; there’s no creases or wrinkles.
He’s still breathing heavily from sleep, his scent warm and comforting filling my senses just like it did before.
It makes my heart race at how simple everything becomes when he’s around.
When I see him, everything else falls away.
I hate it.
“Usually it’s the guy who sneaks out before the girl wakes up.” He chuckles, but I don’t understand the joke. “I’ve never seen this uniform before, training?” I nod as he walks over to me. He’s close, too close.
Cayden’s arms wrap around my waist and his lips press to my forehead. His lips are so careful, so gentle, yet his hands on my waist are the opposite. He’s holding me tightly like he’s afraid to let go, but he doesn’t hurt me.
Cayden would never hurt me.
“You’re not going back today, love. Neither is Bella. Get out of this, and we will burn it.”
I pause, my eyes wide from shock. How can he be so certain and so calm? Not going back, we will burn it.
“But this is just an overnight mission, Wolvrin will be here soon.”
The words go unnoticed as his hands move to the hem of my shirt, untucking it from the pants. He holds the shirt’s hem and looks at me, waiting for me to say no. But the words never come, and he pulls the shirt off over my head, throwing it on the floor.
Cayden moves for my boots next, kneeling down in front of me and unlacing them before pulling them off and throwing them across the bathroom, then reaching the button of my pants. Again, I don’t stop him.
His touch is gentle and slow, almost like he’s afraid I’ll stop him at any point, like he’s wanting me to stop him, but the words never come out. Once he undoes the button, Cayden’s eyes meet one more time, waiting, then the pants fall down my legs.
“Are you sure no one is coming?” I whisper. My voice trembles slightly, the way he’s watching my every movement is making me unsteady.
“I’m sure, darling.” The pants join the pile of my discarded clothes as Cayden looks over me, standing back up and cupping my face in his hands.
“You are so beautiful.”
My heart is racing. My body feels like it never has before, it feels on fire.
Every time Cayden touches me, my skin burns, yet it doesn’t hurt.
His lips meet mine, and I don’t hesitate in pulling him closer.
My arms wrap around his neck while his arms wrap around my waist, holding me close.
I feel the heat of his chest against mine.
My mind goes fuzzy, and some locked away part of me comes out, the part so desperate to be held, loved.
The little girl I killed to survive.
Cayden’s kiss is desperate, like he’s afraid he won’t ever kiss again. Our lips move with a desperation that makes my legs feel weak. Cayden is consuming me, and I don’t know how to stop it. How can I when he’s already seeped into my bones, my heart?
“My brave Darlia,” he murmurs against my lips before parting mine with his tongue and taking control of the kiss, of me. I don’t know how to respond. Am I supposed to do the same thing back? Am I supposed to say something?
After what feels like hours I pull away gasping, desperate for air. Cayden doesn’t stop, he can’t. His lips move down to my neck, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses. It’s a mix of gentle and hard that makes my body ache with desire.
That’s what I’m feeling, desire.
“Cayden,” I whimper, not sure if I’m asking him to stop or keep going. His arms move down to my thighs, pulling me up and making me wrap my legs around his waist. The distance from the bathroom to the bed is made in five quick strides, and after he throws me onto the bed, he’s on top of me.
“Beautiful. So beautiful.”
Cayden’s lips leave my neck, and for a moment, he just looks down at me, like he’s trying to memorise every detail. His pupils have dilated. “You are so perfect.”
Our lips connect again, and this time it’s gentle. There’s no rush in the way our lips move together. He’s taking his time, savouring the moment now. Cayden’s hands move to my hips in a gentle grasp as he pulls me closer to him, making me break the kiss with a gasp.
“I have waited so long for you, Darlia.”
A sensation runs through my body unlike ever before. My core aches, begging for attention it’s never even known. I’m too overwhelmed, and I can’t handle this. There’s enough going on as it is, I don’t want to complicate it even more.
“We should stop.” I pull back breathlessly, and instantly Cayden moves back.
“Are you alright, darling? Did I hurt you?”
I shake my head as his eyes rake over my body, looking for injury anyway. Once Cayden’s sure I’m okay, he sits down beside me, taking my hand in his.
“Talk to me, love. What’s going on in that pretty head?”
I wish I knew. There’s so much going on all at once and this, the need I’ve never felt before, it feels wrong and I don’t like it. I don’t want it. “I just, I felt uncomfortable.” I decide honesty is the best option. Cayden would want to know the truth, and I have no reason to hide it.
“What made you uncomfortable, baby?”
“The feeling…I get this feeling when you kiss me.”
His smile breaks out into a full-blown grin, and he presses his lips together, trying his best not to laugh.
“Oh, love.” Cayden shakes his head, continuing to try his best not to laugh at me, and I feel anger rising up in me. How dare he laugh at me. “Baby, that’s normal. It’s a normal feeling. They never taught you about sex in The Academy?”
I shake my head. Sex. The word sounds dirty.
“No, I suppose they wouldn’t. That feeling, it was a need, wasn’t it, love?
” I nod. “That’s a natural reaction, it’s completely normal.
” This time a soft chuckle does escape his lips, yet my anger fades.
He’s not laughing because he’s judging me, he’s laughing because I don’t know about any of this.
Does that make me pathetic? Is that worse?
“Do you trust me, love?”
“You know I do, Cayden.”
“Good girl, lay down again.” His words are harsher, but not mean.
He’s telling me what to do, but I still know I could say no at any moment, and that small comfort makes me comply.
I lay back down on the sheets of the bed and his fingers graze over my stomach.
The touch is so light and gentle, yet it sends a swarm of sensations through me, making me shiver.
“Mmm, just like that. Let your body feel it.” Cayden’s voice is husky and deep this time. I’m starting to realise there are many tones a person can have besides the three I’m used to: cold, indifferent, and afraid.
His lips move back to my neck, kissing and nipping gentle bites at the skin, making me gasp. It doesn’t hurt, it feels good. So good. “Cayden.” The whimper leaves my lips involuntarily as I let myself feel every touch, every kiss, every gentle nip at my skin just like he told me to.
My body feels so built up with this need only he can fill.
I am completely and utterly ruined, and it’s all Cayden’s fault.
Cayden’s fingers slip under the waistband of my underwear. He leans back, checking my every reaction, his fingers still just under the thin elastic band. “I’m not going to touch you without your words, love. Do you want this?”
I nod. “Yes.”
I need the ache to stop that only Cayden knows how to fix. I need him like I never have before.
“Can I take these off?” He tugs at the waistband of the underwear, and I nod, lifting my hips to help him.
I watch his eyes darken slightly as he pulls the fabric from my body.
His fingers graze over my inner thigh, running up and down reverently, causing another whimper.
This time the sound is desperate, a sound I have never made before.
“Words, Darlia, I need words baby. Your body is telling me yes, and I love it, but I need your words.” Cayden’s voice is so soothing while every inch of me feels on fire. His words are light, as if it’s a normal conversation. Yet I feel like I’m going mad.
“Yes.”
“My brave girl.” Cayden’s lips move down my chest, kissing just at the top of my bra, but he makes no attempt to remove the fabric. My nipples are hard and aching, desperate for attention.
I feel the brush of his fingers against my inner thigh again, like he’s testing my reaction. I gasp, the slight touch enough to send a shockwave through my body, and I feel a knot in my stomach.
“Please, Cayden. Please.”
“So fucking beautiful,” Cayden murmurs against my collarbone as his fingers begin to circle my clit. Immediately my back arches, and I gasp. The unknown feelings and sensations overwhelm me in the best of ways.
“That’s it, baby, feel it. You’re doing so good.”
I do. I feel every touch, I feel the way his fingers apply more pressure, only to take it away just as quickly. I feel the aching need between my legs growing every second that Cayden has full control of.
I feel all of it, all at once.
He circles a finger around my entrance before pushing it inside me, and I whine a sound I haven’t made before. A sound of sheer desperation mixed with pleasure as his finger curves to hit a spot inside me I never knew existed.
My body is completely at his mercy, and he’s playing it like it’s his favourite instrument.
His finger curls again, making me moan, my breath now coming in short, heavy gasps as my body tries to understand all the feelings it’s being put through. So instead, I shut my mind off.
“Good girl,” Cayden praises as if knowing what I’m doing, shutting off my mind and instead focusing on everything he’s doing to me. Then, he slides a second finger inside me.
Oh, fuck.
I let him continue draining me of gasps and moans, my back arching with every curl of his fingers and then, his thumb joins in, circling my clit at the same time his other two fingers curl inside of me.
Fuck.
“You look so beautiful like this, love.”
Cayden’s fingers work in tandem to bring me to the brink of insanity. My body is trembling and my back is aching from how many times he’s managed to pull it from the mattress before he pulls away completely, leaving me aching and breathless.
“Cayden what—” I’m cut off when his lips press onto my clit. The kiss is soft, gentle. But then his tongue flicks against me, and everything else has been a warm up for this.
I can’t think. I can’t process any coherent thoughts. I’m not even sure I’m breathing.
I have never once allowed myself to lose control before, but with Cayden, he takes that control and cherishes it, protects it. He takes the control without letting it abandon me. It’s intoxicating.
“Cayden…” I moan, my hands reaching into his hair like a lifeline, but when his eyes meet mine, my body reacts in a way I’ve never felt before.
“You taste so good, darling.” The words cause ripples through me, and suddenly I feel like I’m barely holding on to what little control I have left of my body. But Cayden wants me to let go completely.
His fingers return inside me, curling them to that spot that makes my body tremble, and in a second, I’m done for.
I feel like I’m flying. My body feels in pure bliss, like I can see and reach the stars above, and then Cayden pulls away, letting me come down from the high. He trails soft, gentle kisses down my thigh before lying beside me, pulling me into his arms like I was made to be there.
I can’t move or speak. My body is putty in his hands, and my chest heaves with exhaustion like I’ve just run a mile. “Relax, baby, I’ve got you.”
I know he does, and it’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced.
Being loved by Cayden Ashford will ruin me, and without meaning to, I burst into tears.