Chapter thirty five- The Weight of Wanting
The Academy courtyard was buzzing with a strange kind of energy the next morning.
It wasn't the usual pre?exam panic or the usual chatter about classes.
It was lighter, more excited, threaded with nervous laughter and whispered conversations.
The dance was close enough now that students had begun asking each other, and the entire Academy felt like it was holding its breath.
Liora felt none of that excitement.
She walked beside Mira toward the library, trying to ignore the tightness in her chest from the night before. The last training with Kael still lingered in her mind like a bruise she couldn't stop pressing.
As they crossed the courtyard, a cluster of students suddenly gasped and turned toward the marble fountain. Liora followed their gaze.
Aiden was standing there.
And beside him was Lady Selene Varellis, one of the highest?ranking noble girls in the Academy. Her family was old money, old power, old bloodline. She was beautiful in the polished, effortless way noble girls often were — perfect posture, perfect hair, perfect smile.
Aiden bowed slightly to her, and Selene covered her mouth with a delighted laugh.
Then she nodded.
The courtyard erupted in whispers.
Mira's eyes widened. "Oh. Wow."
Liora felt her stomach drop, though she didn't know why. She had turned Aiden down. She had made her choice. But seeing him with Selene — seeing him smile, seeing him look relieved — made something twist inside her.
Before she could look away, a familiar voice cut through the air like a blade dipped in honey.
"Well, well," Seris said loudly. "Looks like Aiden finally came to his senses."
Liora stiffened. Seris stepped closer, her arms crossed, her expression dripping with satisfaction. She had been Liora's roommate before Mira — and she had hated her from the moment she arrived.
"I mean," Seris continued, "why would he ask you when he can have someone like her?"
Liora didn't answer. She didn't trust herself to.
Seris smirked. "Don't worry. I'm sure someone will ask you eventually. Maybe one of the stable boys."
Mira stepped forward immediately, her voice sharp. "Seris, go choke on your own perfume."
Seris scoffed. "I'm just saying the truth."
"No," Mira said, "you're saying what makes you feel better about yourself."
Seris rolled her eyes and walked away, tossing her hair dramatically as she rejoined her group of noble girls.
Liora let out a slow breath. "It's fine."
"It's not fine," Mira said. "She's a snake."
Liora didn't argue.
Inside the library, the atmosphere was calmer. Students whispered over open books, quills scratching softly against parchment. Mira dropped her things onto their usual table and sat down with a determined expression.
"I'm asking someone today."
Liora blinked. "You are?"
"Yes," Mira said. "I'm not waiting around for some boy to grow a spine. I want to go with someone I actually like talking to."
Liora smiled despite herself. "Who?"
Mira leaned in, lowering her voice. "Tomas."
Liora's eyebrows rose. Tomas was quiet, brilliant, and always buried in a book. He was the last person Liora expected Mira to choose — but somehow it made perfect sense.
"I'm proud of you," Liora said. "Really."
Mira grinned. "Well, if you can kiss Kael, I can ask Tomas to a dance."
Liora nearly choked on her own breath. "Mira—"
"What?" Mira said innocently. "You did kiss him."
"That was— it wasn't— Mira, please."
Mira laughed softly. "Relax. I'm not judging you. I'm just saying... if you can do something terrifying, so can I."
Liora looked down at her notes, her cheeks warm. She didn't want to think about Kael. Not after last night. Not after the way he had shut her out. Not after the way he had said it will be our last one with a voice that sounded like he was trying not to feel anything at all.
She swallowed. "Mira... have you heard anything? About Kael. About whether he's going to the dance."
Mira's expression softened immediately. "Liora..."
"I'm not expecting anything," Liora said quickly. "I just... wondered."
Mira hesitated. "I haven't heard anything. He doesn't really... go to things like that."
Liora nodded, though the answer stung more than she expected. She knew Kael wouldn't ask her. She knew he wouldn't go. She knew he was leaving soon, graduating, moving on to a world she didn't belong to.
But knowing didn't make it hurt less.
Mira reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "If he goes, you'll know. People will talk."
Liora forced a small smile. "Right."
"And if he doesn't," Mira added gently, "you're still going. With me. And Tomas. And whoever else we drag along."
Liora laughed softly. "Okay."
Mira grinned. "Good. Now help me figure out how to ask Tomas without sounding like a lunatic."
Liora leaned over the table, grateful for the distraction, grateful for Mira, grateful for anything that kept her from thinking about Kael standing alone in the moonlight.
But even as she helped Mira plan her invitation, even as she laughed and teased and pretended everything was fine, a quiet truth settled in her chest like a stone.
She wanted to go with Kael.
And she knew she never would.
The next few hours passed in a haze of half?hearted studying and restless thoughts. Liora tried to focus on her notes, but every time she looked at the page, her mind drifted back to the courtyard, to Aiden and Selene, to Seris's smirk, to Mira's excitement, and inevitably — painfully — to Kael.
By the time the sun dipped behind the Academy walls, the library had begun to empty.
Students packed their books and hurried off to dinner or to their dorms, their voices echoing faintly through the tall aisles.
Liora gathered her things slowly, not ready to face the noise of the dining hall.
She stepped outside into the cool evening air, and the quiet wrapped around her like a thin, fragile blanket.
Ashwing was waiting just beyond the steps, standing in the shadow of the outer archway. His massive form blocked the entrance, his wings folded tightly against his sides. When he saw her, he lowered his head until his snout hovered just above her shoulder height, rumbling softly in greeting.
Ashwing exhaled, a warm gust of air brushing against her hair — a gesture that was as close to a hug as a dragon his size could manage. Then he shifted, curling his long tail loosely around her feet, forming a protective half?circle that grounded her more than any words could.
She sat on the stone steps beside him, leaning her shoulder against the side of his lowered jaw.
The courtyard was calmer now, the earlier excitement fading into a soft hum.
Lanterns flickered to life along the pathways, casting warm pools of light across the cobblestones.
A few students lingered in small groups, whispering about the dance, about who had asked whom, about who was still waiting.
Liora tried not to listen, but the words drifted toward her anyway.
"...Aiden and Selene... perfect match..."
"...Kael? He never goes to these things..."
Her chest tightened.
She didn't expect him to ask her. She wasn't foolish. She knew who he was — disciplined, distant, bound to duty and royal. She knew he didn't belong to the world of lanterns and dances and whispered invitations. She knew he was leaving soon, stepping into a future she couldn't follow.
But knowing didn't stop the ache.
Footsteps approached, and Liora looked up to see Mira jogging toward her, her braid bouncing behind her.
"There you are," Mira said, slightly breathless. "I've been looking everywhere."
Liora smiled faintly. "I needed some air."
Mira sat beside her, tucking her legs beneath her. "Tomas said yes and walked me back to the dorms. He was so nervous he nearly tripped over his own feet."
Liora laughed softly. "He must like you."
"I know," Mira said, grinning. "It's cute."
They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, listening to the distant chatter of students heading to dinner. Ashwing shifted beside them, lowering his head even further so it rested near Liora's shoulder — not touching, but close enough that she could feel the warmth radiating from him.
Mira nudged her gently. "You're quiet."
"I'm tired," Liora said.
"That's not all."
Liora didn't answer.
Mira sighed, leaning her head against Liora's shoulder. "You know... it's okay to want something even if you know you can't have it."
Liora's breath caught. "I don't—"
"You do," Mira said softly. "And it's okay."
Liora stared at the lanterns flickering across the courtyard. "It's stupid."
"It's human," Mira corrected.
Liora swallowed hard. "He's not going to the dance."
"I know."
"And even if he did..."
"I know," Mira repeated gently.
Liora blinked back the sting in her eyes. "I wish things were different."
Mira squeezed her hand. "I know."
They sat together until the courtyard emptied completely, until the lanterns burned low and the night deepened around them. Ashwing remained still and watchful, his tail curled protectively around Liora's feet, his golden eyes following every shift in her expression.
Eventually, Mira stood and brushed off her skirt. "Come on. Let's go inside before the curfew"
Liora nodded and rose to her feet. She pressed a hand to Ashwing's snout one last time before heading toward the dorms.
But as she walked away, she couldn't help glancing toward the upper terraces — toward the training courtyard where Kael had stood the night before, his voice low and final.
She wondered if he was there now.
She wondered if he ever thought of her.
She wondered if he would even notice she was gone when he left.