The Accidental Rewrite

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Daily Trumpet Classified Ads

FOR SALE

Burr walnut dressing table ideal for lady with sturdy legs and very roomy drawers.

King-sized mattress, good as new. Only slept on once. Slight urine stain in middle.

Used gravestone, cross-shaped, gray marble. Ideal for someone called Shirley Bickerstaffe.

Complete shed’s worth of tools, some brand new including drills, various electric saws, workbench, screwdrivers, spanners.

￡50 for quick sale. Must be collected before 7 July when lying cheating bastard husband gets back from “golfing holiday with

lads” in Tenerife but really with his slag of a girlfriend.