Chapter Twenty-Three
The air conditioning blasted over Hagan as he crossed the threshold into the lobby. The place smelled as nice as it looked. A far cry from where his team lived. Though, one day, maybe Titan’s lobby would shoot fancy air at their guests once the place was up and running.
He caught sight of Amanda in the far corner of the lobby even though she wore a headscarf that partially obscured her face. She waved and crossed to meet him, suddenly Hagan doubted his ability to focus on work. This very public lobby had done nothing to quell the urge to get her alone.
“Thanks for coming over,” she said. “I could really use your help.”
Hagan shoved his hands into his pockets. “I don’t know that I gave you that much of a choice.”
She laughed and fell into an intentionally vague explanation of her project as they moved toward the elevators.
Once they were traveling to her floor, she fell quiet, but as soon as they stepped out, her explanation started again.
It was far more interesting than he expected, and he had to admit, watching her explain her work with such passion did something to his insides.
Sexy and smart. That was a killer combination.
They stopped outside a hotel room door. She paused and glanced at him as though she just recalled they had a very new history. “This is where I work.” She unlocked her door and walked in.
Hagan whistled. “Not a bad office.”
She pulled off her head scarf and laughed. “It does the job.”
If she’d been uncomfortable, it quickly passed. She returned to her explanation, but this time with far more detail, raising his curiosity about what she might uncover for the Lebanese.
For the next hour, they reviewed footnotes.
Then they ordered lunch, and Amanda walked him through what she thought and guessed.
Dinner time rolled around. He didn’t want to leave, and she didn’t seem ready to kick him out, though she eyed him when Hagan checked his watch. “I don’t want to keep you all day.”
“Your work’s pretty cool,” he admitted and grinned. “Almost as much as you.”
The tips of her ears turned red, and a blush followed over her cheeks. “Well.” She gestured. “It’s never dull. Different clients. New projects. But it’s not that interesting. Don’t feel like you have to stay.”
“I don’t feel anything but hungry.” He pushed out of his chair. “What about you?”
“Really, Hagan.” She tugged her lip between her teeth. “You don’t have to stay. Two meals in one day’s a lot.”
“If you want me to leave so you can work alone, that’s fine.” Hagan winked. “I’ll survive.”
“No. I mean—Gah! I’m not good at this.” Amanda groaned and rubbed her hands over her face. “If you can’t tell.”
“I’ve learned it’s best not to try to read your mind after our first introduction.”
She groaned again. “I’ll never live that down.”
“Besides, I want you to explain.” Hagan stepped closer. “What do you mean by this?”
She rolled her eyes. “You! As if you don’t know how nervous you make me.”
“Shit.” He cocked his head and chuckled. “That can’t be good.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Tell me, anyway.”
Her lips pressed together. “You’re cute when you’re trying to convince me of something.”
Hagan smiled. “Good to know I have a secret weapon.”
“It’s just—” She pressed her arms to her side but inched closer. “I haven’t dated in a very long time, and I don’t even think it’s a good idea.”
“Because?” he asked.
“It’s complicated.” She winced. “That sounds like a cop-out, but I don’t know what to do.”
“You don’t know what to do about me.” Hagan crossed his arms and let his eyebrows inch up.
“Yeah.” She pressed her palm to her forehead and shook her head. Then she laughed. “Wow, I feel like a huge nerd telling you this.”
He appreciated whatever she explained. One day, maybe he’d get why it was so hard. “I have a feeling you’re not telling me even a tenth of what you need to say.”
Her eyes rounded, all but confirming his guess.
“But I don’t care.” He sat down and studied her expression. “Tell me something different that makes you nervous.”
She scoffed. “Why would I do that?”
“Don’t know.” Hagan lifted a casual shoulder. “Then you’d worry about that and not me.”
She laughed. “Cute.” Then Amanda bit her lip as if she didn’t trust herself to share another word.
“How about this,” he offered. “I’ll order room service again, and then let you in on something that’s worrying me.”
Hesitatingly, she agreed, and they ordered room service for the second time. When Hagan hung up the phone, he pushed his lips and settled back into the couch. “I’m worried I fucked up with Boss Man.”
Her lips formed an O, but before she could apologize or protest, he tugged on her dark ponytail to keep her attention. “I’d have done it all over again.”
Amanda hummed. “How’d you join Titan?”
“Good question.” He thought to the chain of events that landed him in Abu Dhabi. “I helped a friend of a friend when he needed help to protect his woman.”
Her eyebrows arched. “Wow.”
“That’s when I met Jared.” He wished he knew how Amanda and Jared met.
Even with what he’d learned about her background, Hagan wasn’t convinced they didn’t have some type of May-December romance.
He’d never thought about how old Boss Man might be, just that he’d earned his place in the world and had created a security firm that had the respect of global leaders.
But the guy had to be in his thirties, at least. “Jared offered me a job that was too good to be true. I’d have been a fool not to take him up on the offer. ”
“Why do you think it was too good to be true?”
“The money,” he admitted. “I know people aren’t supposed to talk about that kind of shit, but that’s the reason.
My family needed what Boss Man paid.” He shrugged, uncomfortable with the amount of information he felt compelled to share.
“I had a steady stream of contract work before that, but joining Titan added a layer of stability.”
She seemed lost in thought, and then asked, “Do you like the work?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “I couldn’t ask for a better team. The gigs are never dull. We get plenty of downtime. But that’s all secondary to supporting my family.”
She curled her knees to her chest and gave her complete attention. “That sounds like a huge responsibility.”
He could see that she wanted to ask why. Hell, diving into an explanation was something he usually avoided. Even though he had so many questions about this woman, he wanted to explain himself. To a point. Some old wounds were still too raw to share.
Hagan shifted on the couch so that he better faced Amanda. “My dad died when I was a sophomore in college. Heart attack.”
“I can’t imagine losing a parent. I’m sorry.”
“A week later, my brother—half-brother, really, but he’d been my big brother since the day I was born.
” His throat tensed. “There was an accident at work. He died.” Words never seemed to do history justice.
Hagan didn’t want to spoil the discussion with details that might bring up politics or make Amanda feel she needed to offer heroic platitudes about a situation she could never understand.
One day, he might give her more of an explanation.
But not likely. Hagan wasn’t sure he could ever let go of his anger to do right by his brother’s memory.
Amanda laid her hand over his. “I’m so sorry.”
Hagan appreciated the sentiment but, if he were going to explain what he’d meant about providing for his family, he had to keep going. “It was too much for my mom.”
“I can’t imagine,” she whispered.
“The funerals were barely two weeks apart.” Hagan took a moment to keep himself together. Mom had been stoic through the first funeral; he and Roxana had thought Mom was holding it together for the second. They’d been so damn wrong. They failed their mother, consumed in their own grief.
“Hagan, you don’t have to tell me.”
He’d come too far to stop now. “Mom had a small stroke during the service for my brother.”
“Oh, God.”
“We didn’t notice.” His vision clouded. “It wasn’t like in the movies.
” His voice shook. “She had trouble walking from the church. I took her hand and led the way to the car. She didn’t say a single damn word during the procession.
” He swallowed hard. “Roxana had to help her sit and stand during the burial.”
“Hagan.” Tears clogged Amanda’s voice.
His chin dropped, and he closed his eyes.
“We thought—I thought—I didn’t know.” He cleared his throat and glanced toward the windows, gathering his words.
“Later, at home, we realized something was wrong.” Like always, the sadness shifted.
He ground his molars, hating how much they’d missed, wondering if they could’ve found help sooner, and, more than anything, cursing the circumstances that left their mother all but a living shell.
“She’d had a series of small strokes. Didn’t kill her. ”
Tears streamed down Amanda’s face.
“She needs a lot of help. That costs money, and we were nothing but two teenagers, suddenly responsible for a mortgage and mounting medical bills that you wouldn’t believe.” Hagan took a deep breath. “I needed this job.” He licked his bottom lip. “Still do.”
Amanda wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed as though she wanted to pull him to safety.
The truth was that nothing had ever helped. Talking about what had happened only stoked his anger. There were so many what-ifs. What if his brother had had a different job? What if he hadn’t felt compelled to protect some tabloid half-twit? Except Amanda’s arms somehow soothed his rage.
Hagan didn’t understand how. He still hurt.
Raw resentment still coiled in his chest. But the way her heart beat next to his…
He didn’t know what to do, so he gave in to her arms and gathered her as if holding her might heal the ache.
Hagan breathed her in and decided that he already knew everything he needed to about this woman.
He kissed her forehead and eased back. “It’s not an easy story to tell. ”
Amanda wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I’ll call Jared. I’ll explain everything, and how it’s not—”
“You don’t have to. I’ll find him later. This is between him and me.”