Chapter 75
JOSIE
I’m at home - sitting on the couch in my crappy apartment. I’m having a microwave dinner for one.
And I’m trying my hardest to push away the negative thoughts that plague me. I don’t need them spoiling my evening alone, even if they feel like a tsunami. I don’t want to reflect on my current shitty situation.
That conversation with Ava in the coffee shop really threw my head around for a few days. I couldn’t think straight after I spoke to her about Victor and the depth of my true emotions for him. Somehow, she got to the very core of what I’m feeling and made me admit things I haven’t admitted to myself.
And I’m terrified of it all.
I told myself I was going to live life on my own terms. But what if my own terms are about re-dating the impossible man I’ve fallen for?
Fuck, Josie.
I’m scrolling through social media as I eat. Yeah, I know it’s a bad thing to do, but I am really, really trying to block out my inner thoughts.
And then I see a post about the movie awards.
It’s on tonight.
Oh.
Yeah.
Crap.
And Victor has been nominated. I saw that headline the other day. Good for him.
And tonight’s the night - the night he either wins the award or loses it yet again.
The temptation is just too strong...
I find my remote, and I turn on the TV.
And the first thing I see is Ashley Williams - she’s stepping off the stage clutching an award.
So. She won for best actress. Again.
Yeah, that’s nice for her.
Genuinely. I bear her no ill will. I’m even happy for her. I don’t care that she was snappy toward me on the red carpet.
And then there’s some famous old Hollywood star. He’s reading out names again.
Victor Penmayne.
He’s saying that he’s nominated for the award...
Then the old actor pulls out some card, and he’s announcing the winner.
“Victor Penmayne!”
And the crowd goes wild. The camera flicks to Victor in the audience. He looks uncharacteristically stunned. He’s wearing a tuxedo. And he looks good.
And surprised. So very surprised.
It’s cute.
He strolls up to the stage. Even though he is shocked by winning, he’s still got that Penmayne confidence under pressure. He takes the award in one hand and the microphone in the other.
And the awards ceremony audience goes quiet...
What will he say in his speech?
“Wow,” he says. “This is amazing, thank you. You know, I’ve spent a long time chasing this award. I used to think that standing here, holding this, would be the best night of my life. But I was wrong. This is very nice and all, but this is not the best thing I have ever won. It truly would be a lie to say this is the best thing I have ever won. Okay, I’m going to sound crazy here and that I am rambling, but I once won a dove for the briefest of moments. Imagine it... a dove flew into my life, and it enchanted me. It was magic. And I let that dove go. I let the dove fly away. And I want my dove to know that I was wrong. It was all real. It was always real. I denied it, and I kept trying to deny it, and I was so very wrong. I sound like a madman, but that dove that briefly flew into my life has, by far, been the best prize I’ve ever won in my life, and something I did not deserve. So, thank you to everyone. I wish you all the best.”
And I do not move.
Because I know he’s talking about me. In his own damn cringe, cryptic way.
I remind him of a dove. He told me that at the villa by that lake.
I am his dove.
As silly as that sounds, I can tell he’s speaking the truth.
I am the best thing he’s ever won, and he just admitted that on international TV on the best night of his life.