Chapter 36
Gabriel
It had been two days since Valarie left without saying anything. I’d known she was going, but it still ached that she could leave without finding me and at least saying goodbye.
For two nights, I’d been up trying to figure out if any of it had actually meant anything to her. Or if I’d been just a tumbled affair, something to brag about when she got back home.
But in my heart, I knew Valarie wasn’t like that. And that made it hurt even more.
Tonight was colder than it had been all season, with fall starting to settle in. The garden was turning. I had the large windows open to see it all at twilight. Already, leaves were browning at the edges, there were less flowers, the chill in the air sent goosebumps up my bare arms and chest.
I felt more content than I had in a long time, which was strange, since the woman I... loved—I could at least admit that to myself—had ducked out of my life as soon as she had an opening.
What did you expect her to do? the voice in my head asked. Stay on as your consort? Wolves don’t have consorts. And Sophia would never allow it. Neither would the pack.
Valarie had been right about that. If we kept on after my marriage to Sophia, we would both be fair game if we were discovered.
I had witnessed it before in other packs.
Betas, and even alphas, who cheated on their mate were circled by the pack and beaten.
Sometimes badly enough for permanent injuries.
And then they were run out of the territories, to live alone and fade away.
It might have been worth it, though, I mused, and my head filled with daydreams of it—getting cast out, hopefully only mildly scarred, but getting to live out as long as I could with Valarie.
In the woods somewhere. Not having to keep up this facade, not having to worry about hundreds and thousands of other people depending on my decisions and leadership.
My shoulders sagged with the weight of it all.
There was a creak and I span, eyes adjusting to the dark room. Earlier, Charles had made a few sarcastic comments about my moping in the dark. Now I wished I had let him keep the lights on.
A figure moved carefully among the furniture. My gaze flickered to the wall, and I saw the panel to the old servant’s pathway open. I let my body relax, realizing then who it was, at the same time I took in her small stature and light feet.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as Sophia stepped closer, her face coming into focus now that the last light of the evening was on it.
She looked soft at the edges in a good way. All soft curves, her hair down and falling over her shoulders. She wore some kind of silk negligee, and I glanced down before fighting to keep my eyes on hers.
She smiled knowingly.
“I came to serve my Alpha,” she said quietly, standing on the tips of her toes and reaching up to run her hands over my shoulders. She took in my bare chest, and I shivered.
But there was no other reaction; no stir of desire.
I could appreciate her appearance, yes. It would be stupid to say she wasn’t beautiful. And how petite she was, was tempting. But I felt no pull toward my future mate at all and had to force my face to show mild interest.
“How did you know about the servant’s entrance?” I asked lightly, letting her continue to touch me.
Her hair grazed my skin.
“Your mother told me about it,” she murmured, nose brushing my upper abdomen as I stared over her head.
I tried not to let the surprise show on my face, but she definitely heard it when I repeated her words.
Sophia laughed, stepping back, and grinning up at me. “Yup. I only mentioned I wanted to get to know you better before the ceremony, and she told me all about this pathway. She said I might as well know if I’m going to be marrying into the family and the palace secrets.”
I had no reaction to the phrase marrying into the family. My stomach felt like stone, and I stared down at her pretty face, open, still a little bit childish. It was so different from Valarie’s with her tangled hair and rare smile. Sophia offered smiles to everyone she saw.
I stepped back abruptly, feeling the chill of the windows against my back. Sophia frowned.
“I’m not sure we should... get to know each other before the ceremony,” I confessed, crossing my arms over my chest.
Sophia stood staring at me for a moment before she turned and sat heavily on an ottoman.
“Why not?”
I took a few careful steps around the perimeter of the furniture, making sure to put some space between us.
“As I’m sure you’re already aware, I’ve gained quite a reputation over the last few years,” I said it carefully, making eye contact with the princess.
I didn’t want her to think I was dismissing her as I could already see the hurt in her eyes.
But I needed to give her a reason for this not happening tonight.
She was still frowning but nodded as I spoke. I leaned against the edge of a bookcase and crossed my ankles.
“Choosing you is the start of a new reign,” I continued, speaking in half-truths.
“I pledged to my mother and to the packs that I would take things more seriously, and that includes my relationships.” The last word was strained—everything I’d been up to the last few years could hardly constitute being called a ‘relationship.’
“Okay.” Sophia drew the word out as she continued to scrutinize me. She was slouched forward now, the negligee no longer looking tempting, but rather rumpled instead. “So, you’re not... worried about our compatibility?”
I could hear the insecurity in her voice and it woke something in me. Not what she wanted, exactly, but I realized that I had to give in to her to some extent. Tell her some of the truth.
I moved forward quickly, sitting on the couch across from her and taking her hands in mine. Her eyes grew wide. This was the first time we’d touched, alone, without anyone there to stare and grin at us.
“You’re a very beautiful woman, Sophia,” I told her truthfully, watching a blush darken her cheeks. “And there was a time where if you had shown up like this, I would’ve absolutely ravished you. But I want to be true to my word. And I think it’ll be important to bring back old traditions.”
I floundered a bit on the last words, grasping for more reasons to keep her literally at arm’s length.
She didn’t look confused and hurt anymore but was considering me with intelligent eyes. There was no doubt she’d make an amazing leader. Calculated, even if she was still a little green.
“So, you want to wait until after the ceremony?” she asked bluntly.
I nodded, sitting back, and releasing her hands.
“I think it would be a good idea to take things back to the time of tradition. Does that make sense?”
“It does... I didn’t know that’s how they did things in the Kingdom, honestly.”
“Well, it’s not exactly. It’s rarely done here anymore. But the ambassadors tell me that in a lot of the outlying packs, they still practice mating moons, and some wolves still hold out for their mates until then.”
Sophia nodded, crossing her legs. “That’s true. A good amount of the Autumn Pack still follows the tradition. I’ve been to quite a few to show support. Tradition is what keeps the pack as close as they are.”
“Exactly. That’s what I want to bring back.”
Sophia sighed and stood, walking a few feet to a nearby couch and sitting down, her legs curled up beneath her.
She was still beautiful without the haze of seduction, and the thoughtful look on her face made her even more attractive.
But it only reminded me of Valarie and the similar expression she’d often had.
“You have a point. Have you talked to your mom about this?”
I shook my head. “No. She’s always been very progressive. My dad was the traditionalist.” With a shrug I let the sentence taper off, and Sophia smiled at me.
“I wish I could have met him. I’ve always heard wonderful things about him.”
Unable to stop myself, I said, “He was my favorite person.”
Sophia’s face softened and my eyes widened. I hadn’t meant to tell her something so personal.
What if this could actually work?
I looked hard at her as she gazed around the room, taking things in. What if it could work with Sophia? I hadn’t ever been tempted to tell anyone such personal things before, not even my mother. Only Valarie—
I shook my head angrily. These thoughts of her had to stop. Why did it seem like I was thinking of her even more now that she was gone?
I glanced up at Sophia and found her looking back at me.
“You alright?” she asked quietly.
“Yeah,” I replied, clearing my throat, and trying to look comfortable.
The silence went on for a few beats.
“What other traditions do the Autumn Pack follow?”
Sophia lit up a bit, straightening to face me.
“You really want to hear about them? I mean, I know what a lot of pack members think about us—we’re the backwoods pack, old school, outdated.”
I shook my head. “That’s not what I think. I’ve always wanted to go north and visit your pack. My father told me he’d take me someday, but—”
She gazed knowingly at me.
“So, we’ll wait then?” she asked, sounding okay with the idea.
“Yeah. If you’re okay with it.”
She nodded and leaned forward. “Well, the first thing you need to know about our pack is that a lot of us still hunt.”
“The old way?”
Sophia grinned. “The old way. There are a lot more deer up north and if you go further, you can even find elk.”
She opened up quickly, gesturing as she talked about the landscape, the pine trees, the trails.
Seeing it through her eyes was amazing, but I wanted to see it in person.
I wanted to breathe in the winter air and join in on a hunt.
I wanted to run their forests, which sounded so much wilder than anything here, and see the town ramble out into woods and trails.
The more we talked into the night, the more I realized it was okay to open up to people.
Despite how put together she’d seemed during the Hunt, as Sophia laughed and told me passionately about her territory and pack, I started to see the real her.
And that it was possible to be a leader who was also a person.