Chapter 39
Gabriel
“Two days to go!”
Samson slapped me on the back as he passed, grinning ear to ear.
He was one of the hunters in the pack and heading out at twilight tonight to find meat for the wedding.
The hunters would be joined by foragers, which was more tradition than necessity as the city had a fair amount of gardens to provide for everyone.
I smiled back at the servants and visiting betas who had decided to stay for the wedding. Today was also the day that the other alpha leaders of the territories would arrive to settle in and bear witness.
I grew more and more stiff as I walked the long hallway to my mother’s rooms, having been summoned by her just after breakfast.
Sophia’s suite was just on the other side of my mother’s, and I glanced at the princess’s doors, wondering if I should invite her. But as much as we were getting along, I felt myself pushing further away from her at each meeting. Trying to create distance.
It bothered her, obviously. There was usually confusion in her eyes as she tried to figure out why I was becoming so bland.
I gave her all the right answers, was polite, listened to her suggestions for the ceremony, but the only time I truly acted myself was when she told me about the other territories.
Before he passed, Sophia’s father had done what mine always promised and taken her on a short tour of the other packs.
She’d been young but remembered enough details to keep me totally enraptured.
I could practically smell the sea when she talked about the Sturgeon Pack’s rambling seaside villages and I longed to see the forests of the Hickory Pack, which were supposed to be the oldest in all the territories.
I knew my father would have loved them.
He’d been on my mind a lot lately and I was thinking of him when I walked into my mother’s rooms, unannounced, relieved there were no servants there to warrant propriety.
“Mom,” I said simply, walking over to where she sat knitting in an over-large chair.
Her hair was down again, loose, and I realized I’d seen it down more these last few weeks than I ever had in my life. She seemed more relaxed. But there was also worry in her gaze when she smiled at me and gestured for me to sit.
I did, kicking my sock clad feet up on the small table that held an assortment of cheeses and grapes.
She sighed and shook her head.
“Really, Gabriel?”
I shrugged. “I’m tired.”
The words sat in the room with us for a while, heavy, and her face seemed to be taken over by that hint of worry I’d seen earlier.
“You’re not enjoying this, are you?” she asked, and I didn’t look at her, pretending to persuade the cheese instead.
“The wedding planning?” I replied. “You know I’ve never been good at planning out events.”
“And you know that’s not what I meant.”
I paused in the middle of palming a cluster of grapes, meeting her eyes briefly.
Her lips pursed but she changed the subject, picking up her knitting again. “Sophia tells me that you two talk about the other territories often. She was thinking it might be worth traveling for a bit after the two of you are married.”
I stood, agitated, and walked around the back of the couch.
“It’s a nice idea but I'm not sure what the point would be,” I said shortly.
My mother watched me carefully.
“Well, the point would be getting to know the entire pack, of course, and where they come from. And showing off your new bride.”
I felt cool liquid on my knuckles and looked down, surprised to see I’d crushed a few of the grapes in my fist.
“I think it would make more sense to stay here and begin making changes,” I muttered, dropping the grapes onto a plate. “It’s about time I got things under control. We’ve talked about this.”
She seemed surprised to hear her own words coming out of my mouth.
“Changes do need to be made,” she agreed, sitting forward.
I glanced at her and saw the worry again, which made me grimace and sit heavily across from her.
“I’m sorry. I’m just tired.”
“So you’ve said.” She said it slowly, scrutinizing me, and I sighed, letting her. It was impossible to escape my mother when she was looking for answers.
Instead, I tried to redirect the conversation.
“Did Dad ever get out to the Hickory Pack’s territory?”
Mother looked surprised, letting her knitting drop into the basket by her feet.
“You mean, did he get a chance to travel?”
I nodded. “He used to tell me he would take me someday—”
“I remember.”
“And I was just wondering if, before... if he got to see any of it himself.”
She was silent for a while before answering.
“He did. Just after we married. He did what Sophia is suggesting, although I didn’t go with him, and he traveled to a few of the nearby territories. But he made a point to go to the Hickory Pack, which was a bit out of the way.”
I looked up at her, unable to hide my interest.
“Do you know if he saw the trees?”
She smiled softly and my chest ached. There was so much I wanted to know that I’d never brought myself to ask. But with the marriage in just two days, it felt like the doors were closing—like the opportunity was slipping away.
“He did see the trees. He said they were some of the biggest trees he’d ever seen, and that it was as if they were ancient beings. Like they were watching him.”
I tried to picture it—did he roam the woods on his own, or were there others with him? Maybe betas from the Kingdom? Had they thought it weird, how content he would have seemed there? Was it hard for him to come back to all of this?
I glanced around the rooms, at the fine furniture and food and everything we could want.
“So, you won’t travel after the wedding?” my mother asked.
“No. I don’t think it would be a good idea.”
I was too tired to explain further and didn’t know how to. But mother always had a way of seeing through things.
“Gabriel,” she asked, leaning forward again, “do you think you’d be happier elsewhere?”
“Elsewhere?”
I looked up at her, confused.
“Not here. You seem to be struggling with the responsibilities. You always have.” She was straight-forward, but kind about it.
“I guess it’s never come naturally to me the way it does to you. Or to Sophia.” I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice, but she heard it, and frowned.
“You’re not happy with her?”
Valarie’s face flashed through my mind.
I sighed and stood again, beginning to pace.
“She’ll make a good queen,” I supplied, but Mother shook her head.
“That’s not what I asked.”
“I don’t know what you want to hear!”
The words exploded from me and I immediately felt guilty, and also relieved that no one else was here to witness me yelling at my own mother.
“I want to hear that you’re happy,” she insisted without missing a beat.
I threw my hands up in the air, walking around to the back of the couch again. “I don’t know what to tell you then. I’m not... unhappy.” But that sounded false to both of us. “It’s just—you know how you’re supposed to feel when you find a mate?” I asked, sitting down again. My mother nodded.
“I know the Hunt is supposed to take a lot of the emotion out of it—to help narrow down the choices to those suitable to rule, at least. But I didn’t think it was supposed to take all of the emotion out of it.”
“So, you have no feelings for her?”
I shook my head.
“Don’t get me wrong—she’s a wonderful person. Nice. Beautiful. She seems to genuinely care about the pack. But there just isn’t…”
I trailed off, not knowing how to explain, but my mother was nodding.
“You don’t feel complete.”
I stared at her before agreeing. “Yes. It’s exactly that. I thought I was supposed to feel... whole after finding my mate.”
“Well, that’s because you are.” She sat back, crossing her legs.
“I never felt whole with your father. I loved him.” She held up a hand at the surprised look on my face.
“I grew to love him but both he and I knew we were never meant to be a mated pair. You must be able to guess why, can’t you, Gabriel? ”
She waited for me to answer, but I didn’t, not understanding.
“I’m an alpha. I was born an alpha and meant to find an alpha as a mate. And your father wasn’t an alpha.”
“Okay... but you told me he agreed to stay on with you. After his brother died. As an Alpha.”
She nodded.
“He did. But that didn’t make him an alpha, Gabriel. Do you understand now?”
“So, Sophia and I... we can’t be mates. Because I’m not an alpha?”
“Not in the traditional sense, no. You can still choose your mate. But making the right decision for the pack might mean giving up a true match.”
It felt like I had always known—there was no surprise at the realization that I wasn’t an alpha, but an overwhelming sense of dread instead. I’d have to stay trapped here, as my father had. With Sophia, a true alpha, while I spent my life faking it.
I tried to hide the horror on my face, but my mother saw it and her own gaze grew sad.
“We should have talked about this sooner. I’m sorry I didn’t try to. But just because we’ve come this far, doesn’t mean we can’t still do the right thing. Why don’t you call Charles, and we’ll have him get Sophia? I think we all have some things to discuss.”