18. Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Eighteen
EMILY
“Thank you again for dinner, Emily.” Fiona leans back in her chair after finishing the last bite of her meal. “It was delicious as always.”
“You’re welcome.”
“And thank you for holding him so I could actually enjoy it while it was still hot,” she adds, nodding to the babbling, gummy-mouthed baby in my arms.
Nolan smiles at the sound of his mother’s voice, turning his head to find her. Fiona gives him a little wave, then he directs his attention back to me.
“You know I don’t mind holding him.” I coax his tiny fist away from my hair so he doesn’t yank on it.
At almost five months old, he’s already strong, and pulling hair is his current favorite pastime.
Fiona, Stephanie, and I are all used to it and usually keep our hair out of reach, but of course I forgot to keep mine tied back tonight after I finished cooking.
Which means Nolan keeps reaching for it, drawn to it like a magnet.
I tap his nose, and he laughs before gazing up at me with his big, round, serious eyes. With his hazel irises that match Fiona’s and his skin that’s a shade lighter than Felix’s deep, dark brown, he’s the perfect blend of his parents.
If Harrison and I had a child, would they look more like him or more like me? Or would they be the perfect blend of both of us in looks and personality?
I glance up, and Harrison is staring at me, watching me cuddle and play with Nolan. There’s something in his gaze—something that looks a lot like what I feel when I see him hold Nolan.
Longing.
Is he envisioning our potential children too? Is he thinking of a life together like this, a future where we have a family? Where the baby I’m holding is our child and not the child of our friends?
He clears his throat and tears his gaze away from me—fast. So fast, I’m convinced I imagined the look he was giving me. I saw what I wanted to see. It was born of my own longing.
We’ve spent every night together since his birthday, but not once has he mentioned the future.
And to be honest? I’m okay with that—with the idea that our passion has a deadline.
When I decided not to run away from him, I knew it was a possibility that our time together might end earlier than I wanted it to.
That this would likely be a fling, not a forever romance.
It hasn’t stopped me from picturing a life with him. Where I’m his mate and the mother of his children. Where we watch those children grow up, find love, and create their own families.
“Everyone! Stephanie and I have an announcement.” Brad’s voice snags our attention.
He stands, grabs Stephanie’s hand, and pulls her to her feet before pressing a gentle kiss on her knuckles.
He’s still the same cheeky male, but he’s softened a bit since her birthday when they learned they were fated mates.
They smile at each other—a secret, knowing smile of two people who share everything—and he says, “You tell them.”
Stephanie’s free hand covers her stomach. “We’re having a baby.” She’s speaking to us, but her eyes never leave Brad’s.
Pure love and joy emanate from them, and as we cheer in congratulations, Brad tugs Stephanie against him. He wraps their joined hands around her back and plants a big, sappy kiss on her lips, making us all cheer with more enthusiasm.
Nolan flinches in my arms. Then his lip trembles, and he bursts into tears, crying at the top of his tiny lungs.
“Sorry, Fi!” Brad says as Fiona rushes out of her seat and around the table to take Nolan from me.
“It’s not your fault.” Fiona rocks Nolan from side to side, cradling him against her chest. “It’s close to his bedtime, and he didn’t nap well today.”
“His whole routine gets thrown off when he doesn’t get a good nap in,” Felix says, moving to Fiona’s side. His massive hand covers the back of Nolan’s head as he helps soothe their fussy son.
“Come on, Nolie.” Fiona kisses his forehead as his crying slows. “Let’s get you home.”
I walk them to the door to see them out as Brad and Harrison begin clearing the table.
I hug Fiona and Nolan, then Felix, thanking them for joining us.
When I shut the door behind them, I turn to find Stephanie standing there.
Her bright blue eyes brim with excitement.
It bleeds into me, and I squeal once more, rushing towards her to hug her.
“I’m so, so happy for you, Stephanie.”
“You don’t think it’s too soon?” she asks. “We’ve only been mated for a few months.”
“Do you think it’s too soon?” I counter. My opinion of her family planning doesn’t matter. If she’s ready—if they’re ready—that’s what’s important.
“No. I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom.”
I link my arm through hers, leading her back to the kitchen so we can help Brad and Harrison clean up. “You’re going to be an amazing mom. I—”
Stephanie stops and holds her hand up to silence me.
I frown. Even with all my training, my senses are still less developed compared to hers, so I’m not sure what she’s hearing.
She jerks her head towards the kitchen, then presses her finger to her lips, commanding me to stay quiet.
“They’re talking about you,” she mindlinks me.
I widen my eyes and lean closer, listening to the guys talking around the corner in the kitchen.
“Emily’s birthday is soon, right?” Brad asks.
“Fifteen days.” The countdown to my birthday leaves Harrison’s mouth way too quickly. He seems to realize it too, because he adds, “Not that I’m counting,” trying but failing to gloss over his eager response.
“Do you—” Brad lowers his voice. “Do you think she’s your mate?”
“I do.”
I cover my mouth so I don’t gasp and give us away.
He can’t really mean that. Can he? It’s everything I’ve been hoping to hear, yet instead of soothing my fears about how I’ll feel when this inevitably ends, it only raises more questions.
Why hasn’t he said this to me? Why did I have to hear it by eavesdropping on him and his best friend?
Is he lying? Does he know I’m listening and is only saying what he thinks I want to hear to protect me?
I curl my hand into a fist. Of course, that’s it. He’s always trying to protect me. He protected me from my alpha by asking his dad to bring me into their pack. Even when we were kids, when my imagination ran too wild, he protected me from the troll under the bridge.
Well, no more. I can take it. I can take the truth, even if it’s a truth I don’t want to hear. It may end our relationship sooner than I anticipated, but I don’t care. I’d rather have the truth than drag this out because of a lie.
“Brad?” Stephanie calls his name, breaking the silence that’s been haunting my apartment since Harrison’s confession.
Brad immediately appears in the kitchen archway, frown lines marring his forehead. “What’s wrong? Is it the baby? Are you okay?”
“I’m just tired.” She exaggerates a yawn and leans into Brad’s chest.
“Looks like it’s bedtime for us too,” Brad says with a chuckle, rubbing Stephanie’s back.
I swallow against the tightening of my throat, panic setting in as they walk to the door.
“Talk to him,” Stephanie mindlinks me, as if she can sense my troubled, spiraling thoughts. “Don’t jump to conclusions.”
My best friend knows me too well. But it’s too late. I’ve already jumped.
After they’re gone, Harrison and I clean the kitchen in silence. The quiet is usually comfortable, but tonight, it’s fraught with tension and the unspoken. For me, at least. If Harrison notices or feels the same way, he doesn’t let on.
“I heard you talking to Brad,” I finally blurt as he takes a seat on my couch. “Did you mean what you said? About thinking we’re mates?” The questions tumble out of me.
Harrison freezes, staring at me with no emotion, no visible reaction or confirmation.
“Because I don’t think my heart can take it if it’s a lie, Harrison.
” I sound pathetic, I’m sure, but I didn’t realize how much I wanted him to want me as his mate until I heard him speaking to Brad.
I thought knowing he desired me physically was enough, that I could live with that and be okay with that for as long as I had him in my life.
But now that the words are out in the open and planted in my brain, I ache for them to be true.
For him to be as in love with me as I am with him.
“I’ve spent too much of my life feeling unwanted and unvalued.
So if you’re lying, I need to know now so I can let you go and protect myself. ”
“Shit.” His head drops into his hands, and Goddess help me, my heart drops into my feet.
“Oh.” The word is nothing more than a whimper. The disappointment is too heavy for me to say anything else.
I stare at my feet, unsure what to do. I can’t run like my body is telling me to, because this is my apartment.
“Em.”
I wince at the nickname, the one he gave me, the one no one but him uses. “I can’t—”
“Look at me.”
His voice carries a dominant edge. It’s not a command—he can’t command me anyway since he’s not the alpha yet.
It’s just power. Pure, protective, possessive power that has my wolf rolling around on her back with the safety it promises and has my pussy clenching with the raw sensuality it adds to his tone.
I can’t resist it. I can’t resist him, try as I might. Even without it being a true command, even knowing that this may be the end of us, my eyes betray me and lift to meet his.
There’s a weight in his gaze. But he’s guarded. Hiding something from me.
Harrison props one hand on his knee and beckons me with his chin. Once again, my traitorous body follows his subtle orders without hesitation.
He curls his hand around my wrist, thumb covering my pulse point. “I’m sorry.”
I swear I can feel my heart cracking with every word he says. “Harrison—”
He yanks me forward and into his lap, cupping my face to keep my gaze on him. “I thought I made it clear on my birthday, but I didn’t. I assumed you knew how I felt, and I realize now… well, I guess you can’t know if I never actually tell you, right?”