Chapter 16 Evan
EVAN
Over the last few days, I physically couldn’t bring myself to train with the pack.
I told Ava I was feeling unwell, and she convinced Jaxon to give me some time off after all the hard work I’ve done these last few weeks.
Never in a million years did I think he would agree, but he did, and I was immensely grateful.
It’s now the weekend, meaning we have some time off. I spend the majority of it in bed, catching up on reading and running my thumb up and down the scab markings on my wrist. I didn’t want to, but I needed to. It’s something I’ll never be able to fully explain.
When you’re in a bad headspace, it’s almost impossible to talk yourself out of doing it. The voices become too loud, and the need to feel something real increases.
Anger bubbles inside me, and I yank down my sleeve and begin to make my way downstairs to grab some fresh air.
Ava and Kayleigh are in the kitchen, and Ava blinks at my appearance. I’ve barely come out of my bedroom these last few days.
“Hey,” she says softly.
“Hey.”
“How are you doing?”
“So-so.” I shrug.
Kayleigh frowns. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I need to get some air.”
“Why don’t we go into town?” Ava suggests. “Get some late lunch, maybe go to that retro arcade. I think we could all do with getting out of the house.”
My eyes flick to Kayleigh, who grins with eagerness. “Yes, let’s do it.”
“Uh…” I trail off. “Maybe.”
“Oh, come on,” Kayleigh pleads. “Let’s go do something fun. Do you remember when you told me you wanted to get your nose pierced?”
My forehead creases. “Over a year ago, yeah.”
Kayleigh’s face lights up. “You still want to get it done?”
I purse my lips and nod. It’s something I’ve wanted for ages.
“Then let’s go. I know the best place, and they have the most delicious pizza restaurant across the street.”
Ava claps her hands together and stands from her stool. “Sounds good to me.”
“What about Aurora?” I ask.
“Lucy is looking after her with Albie.”
Despite not wanting to see anyone today, I can’t deny the fact that this is probably good for me rather than rotting away in bed, and a new piercing? It’ll definitely take my mind off what’s going on right now.
It doesn’t take long to get to Stonebridge, where Kayleigh used to go to university. We head into the piercing shop, and a wave of adrenaline hits my nervous system.
I’ve wanted to get my nose pierced for years, but never had the courage to.
Today is the day. A new piercing and a new start. Okay, that’s a little cliché, but I’m willing to believe in it.
No more self-harming. No more letting people walk all over me. No more being treated like a fool.
The needle pierces my nose as the piercer secures a small ball to the back of the jewellery.
“Let it heal for at least six to eight weeks,” she says as she hands me the mirror.
“If it’s not fully healed, leave it a bit longer before you change the jewellery.
Especially a hoop, you don’t want to aggravate it. ”
I stare back at myself and my first-ever piercing. “Oh, I love it.”
“Yeah?” She grins. “It looks great on you.”
My head twists from left to right as I continue to stare in awe. “Yeah, thank you.”
Kayleigh and Ava approach me as I leave the small room, and Ava grins with excitement. “Holy shit. It looks great.”
“Oh, you were born to have a nose piercing.” Kayleigh nods with approval.
I laugh hesitantly. “You think?”
“Most definitely.”
“Come on.” Ava slides her arm through mine. “Let’s get pizza.”
When we return to the pack house after an afternoon I needed, I’m relieved to feel a little lighter than before. Even if my nose throbs, my heart feels fuller. Ava and Kayleigh know how to cheer me up.
But the second we walk through the door to Jaxon’s private annex, I immediately know who’s here before even seeing them. I gulp at the sensations flowing through me without permission.
I hover by the door as Ava and Kayleigh walk ahead, and I have no choice but to follow them. Around the kitchen counter are Jaxon, Kayden, and Caleb. They’re in deep conversation until we disturb them.
My eyes land on Caleb’s automatically, and I try to look away, but his intense gaze keeps drawing me back. It’s impossible to tell myself to do what’s right, but my wolf won’t listen.
“Hey,” Kayden calls out with a grin. “You guys have a good day?”
Kayleigh’s eyes immediately light up. “The best. Took Evan to get his nose pierced. Doesn’t he look so good?”
Everyone’s eyes in the room turn to me, and I feel like I’m under a spotlight. I shift from foot to foot.
Kayden nods in agreement. “Looking good, Evan.”
Before I know it, Kayleigh has her arms wrapped around her boyfriend's neck and tugs him towards her. Those two are nearly inseparable, and it’s cute to witness, but it makes me feel incredibly lonely.
I take a few steps backwards. I don't even realise I’m standing right next to Caleb as he folds his arms over his chest, his tall frame making me feel like the size of a grain of sand.
When I turn around, Jaxon has his arm around Ava as she whispers to him. They’re all loved up, and we’re watching like a couple of losers.
I avert my gaze and peek up at Caleb, who is staring at them all intently. The look on his face is soft yet observant. I wonder if we’re thinking the same thing—but then again, I doubt Caleb cares much about their love lives.
Caleb steps into me, and his arm brushes mine. I visibly shudder, which only increases my frustration with myself. I’d rather someone bury me in the ground than have him see how he affects me after all the times he’s shoved me away.
That doesn’t stop me from taking a glance at his hand to find that it’s completely healed. I don’t know why I look, but I can’t help myself.
Kayleigh and Kayden grin back at each other as she places her hands on his face and kisses him. I release a silent sigh.
They’re not even mates, they don’t have a bond, and I know he’d never look at me like that. I think to myself pathetically.
What Kayleigh and Kayden have is special.
They didn’t have a bond forcing them to be together.
Sure, they might be soul mates, but they grew their connection authentically.
Not because the Moon Goddess matched them together.
If anyone needs proof that love exists, they’re the perfect example. The kind of love you read about.
Caleb pins me with a narrow stare, and I’m suddenly washed with fear that he somehow heard my thoughts. I glance away faster than I can blink, my cheeks heating to the point they ache.
I have no idea why we’re standing watching them be all lovey-dovey in their couples. It’s mortifying, and I need to get the hell out of here. The tightness in my chest is nearly unbearable, and I can feel Caleb’s warmth radiate through my arm.
There’s a gigantic hole in my heart, but right now, it feels like it’s split open, and I’m rotting from the inside out when I realise I’ll never have what they do.