Chapter 39 Evan
EVAN
I’m not sure if I’m dreaming as I blink away the blurriness in my eyes. Caleb’s face stares back at me as he lies opposite.
“Caleb?”
“Hey, pups,” he says before stroking my cheek.
My eyebrows pinch. “What are you doing here?”
“I had to see you after what happened earlier. I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
I nod once. “Just had a therapy session. I wanted to hear your voice.”
Caleb’s expression collapses. “I wanted to talk, but my father showed up, and we were in the middle of a heated conversation. I couldn’t risk him seeing me distracted.”
My lips part. “Oh…that’s okay.”
“When I know he’s coming over, or makes an appearance, I’ll mindlink you the word red so we don’t go through this again. I don’t want you thinking I’m ignoring you.”
“Okay.”
“I’m sorry,” he says again before kissing my forehead. “How did your session go?”
“It went alright,” I admit. “I said more than in the first two sessions. A lot more. It was painful, but I managed to get a lot off my chest.”
“Yeah?” Caleb’s eyes soften. “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” I whisper. “You didn’t have to come over.”
Caleb watches his hand as he brushes his thumb over my cheekbone. It’s tender and speaks a thousand words, sending shivers right through our matebond. “I did,” he murmurs. “I couldn’t leave our conversation at that. I had to make sure you were alright.”
“I was only sleeping.”
He sucks in a breath and shuffles closer until our faces are inches from one another.
“What happened with Ryker?”
Caleb chews on the inside of his cheek for a moment. “He wants me to join him on a mission, which I know will end up destroying innocent packs and trying to take control.”
I frown. “He’s really messed up.”
“You’re telling me.”
“And his powers?”
“Yeah.” He blows out a breath. “Those are the worst.”
“Why does he have them?”
Caleb sighs. “My grandparents were both hybrids, they were experimental with dark magic, and there came my father. I think it had a lot to do with the dark Gods. But I don’t know too much about it. I kinda don’t want to know.”
“And you didn’t inherit them?”
He shakes his head. “His powers are only used for manipulation and brainwashing. That’s why I wasn’t risking mindlinking you earlier for him to dig around in my head.”
I blink slowly. “He can do that?”
“Yeah, he can slip into your mind when you least expect it. I’ve learnt to keep my walls up. It doesn’t always work, though.”
“So, what are you going to do about him?”
“I’ve started working on a plan with Felix and our head guards. We need to do it soon, before he starts tearing down our world before we’re prepared to fight back,” he confesses.
I blink once, then twice. “You’re going to take him down?”
“Yeah. I’m not living like this anymore.”
“But what if he hurts you?”
The corner of his mouth twists upwards, and he leans in to kiss my nose. “Don’t worry about me.”
“Of course I’m going to worry about you.”
“We’ve got it under control,” he says. “He might be powerful, but I’m also his son. I have to do this.”
My forehead hurts from frowning so heavily. “I’m scared.”
“It’s gonna be okay,” he reassures me.
Silence washes over us, and my eyes become heavier.
“Tired?”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “Emotionally drained.”
“Sleep.”
“Will you stay?”
“For as long as I can.”
“Okay.”
There’s a sharp burn against my cheek.
I hiss and raise my hand to my face to find blood dripping off my fingers.
A hand grips the back of my head, and I gasp as I stare up into the cold, dark eyes of my brother. There’s a sick, twisted smirk on his face that sends a shiver down my spine.
“You don’t want to be like us,” he hisses. “Fine. But you’ll watch.”
My head is sharply turned towards the horrifying sight before me. Ava is on the ground—dirty, bruised, bleeding. I tremble and release a soft cry as she weeps on the floor.
“Every single second. If you dare look away, I’ll make it worse for her.”
Tears stream down my cheeks as I attempt to fight his tight grip, but it’s no use. I can’t move. Damon, my brother’s second-in-command, kicks Ava onto her side, and I get a view of her damaged face.
The sound of her screams echoes around me as she begs him to stop, but he continues hurting her to the point my ears feel like they’re bleeding.
“Don’t,” I heave. “Stop.”
“You’re a coward,” Lucien says through gritted teeth. “You did this to her.”
“No,” I cry.
“Yes. You let her endure years of violence while you sat back and did nothing.”
I choke out a sob. “I let her go.”
“What about all the other girls, huh?”
My eyes squeeze shut.
“Look,” Lucien says as he grips my jaw. “I’m not going to tell you again.”
I open my eyes to look back at Ava as she sobs on the floor. My teeth clench together.
“All those other girls we did as we pleased with and discarded their bodies,” Lucien chuckles darkly. “Where were you then? You let them die.”
I struggle in his hold, still unable to get to Ava.
“You let them all die.”
“I wanted them to live,” I cry.
“You did nothing. You are as bad as we are. It’s your fault.”
My stomach churns. “No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No!”
My body jolts awake from the nightmare that has haunted me for years. Tears are streaming down my face, and my entire body is covered in sweat. I look down to find Caleb asleep beside me.
It’s your fault.
I clench my eyes shut, trying to push away the voice of my brother.
You let them die.
No. No. No.
I grip my hair to relieve the pain coursing through me, but it doesn’t go away. It never goes away. The sheets are ripped from my legs, and I hurry towards the bathroom and shut the door before hunching over the basin. I grip the edge tightly, watching as my knuckles turn deathly white.
My nightmares aren’t uncommon, and the memories always come flashing back as if they’re trying to haunt me. I can’t get them out, not until I bring myself back to real life.
“Stop,” I sob.
They all died because of you.
“Please stop.” I raise my head to the ceiling. “Let it stop.”
You’re worthless.
Always have been.
Pathetic piece of shit.
Then the girls' screams echo around my head. I press my hands to my ears to block out the noise, but it’s no use. The sound is engraved into me forever.
You didn’t help us, Evan.
You let us die.
Why didn’t you save us?
“No,” I rasp. “I didn’t. I wanted you all to live. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
When I start to hear the sound of Ava’s fearful cries, it sends me into overload. My fist flies towards the mirror as it shatters around me. Blood drips down my knuckles, but I can’t even feel the pain. I’m numb all over.
Tears block my vision.
End it all, Evan.
It’s the only way out.
It’s the only way to set yourself free.
And I want that. I want to be set free.