Chapter 42
EVAN
Numb doesn’t even come close to how I feel.
The doctors came in to evaluate me with Gemma present. The results weren’t exactly a shock. I suppose I didn’t want to accept that I have complex PTSD, but it was inevitable.
They discuss further therapy and possible medication, which they recommend will help with my detachment, flashbacks, and nightmares.
Caleb asks more questions about the medication, but all I do is sit here and stare at the wall. There isn’t an ounce of energy inside me as they talk amongst themselves. I should be present, but I can’t find it in myself to be.
“Hey.” Caleb cups my arm tenderly. “Are you listening?”
My eyes vacantly tilt to his. “It’s a lot to take in.”
He sucks in a low breath. “I know. You need rest. We’ll talk about it in the morning, or when you’re feeling up to it.”
Caleb turns to the doctors to thank them for everything, but I’ve gone back to distancing myself from the conversation again.
A few moments later, Jaxon and Ava come into the room, and suddenly everything feels too crowded and overwhelming. Ava steps towards my bed and flashes me a soft smile.
“Hey, how are you feeling?”
“Empty,” I confess.
“We’re all here for you, Evan.”
“We’ll need to have someone with you,” Jaxon says. “We don’t want this to happen again.”
Caleb looks to Jaxon. “Evan will be coming home with me.”
“What?”
“He’s my mate, and it’s my responsibility to look after him. So I will. At my pack house.”
The look on Jaxon’s face is bewildered, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that they know about us.
“And when did you think of asking me?” Jaxon folds his arms over his chest.
Caleb stares back at him. “I’m not asking you, Jaxon. I’m telling you. I ran it by Evan, and he agreed. It’s the best place for him to be.”
“You can’t just take my pack members.” Jaxon’s voice grows louder.
“He’s my mate. I get to make those decisions.”
“You can’t—”
“Stop talking about me like I’m not even here,” I call out over them both.
Their heads twist towards me.
“You’re right,” Caleb says with a nod. “You can talk for yourself.”
“What do you want to do, Evan?” Jaxon asks curiously.
I purse my lips and study Caleb for a moment. His eyes are heavy from exhaustion after what happened tonight, but being with him might help. I’ve never felt like I fit in with this pack, but maybe I’ll fit in with him. It might be the fresh start I need.
As much as I love Ava and Jaxon for letting me stay, my trauma will always linger when I’m around Ava. It’s a permanent reminder of all the other girls I didn’t manage to save. I swallow back the lump in my throat as Caleb watches me carefully.
“I want to go with Caleb,” I state.
Jaxon nods, and Ava places a hand on his arm. “He has every right to go with Caleb, Jax,” Ava whispers. “If it’s what he wants, then we have to respect it.”
“He belongs with me,” Caleb murmurs deeply.
“Fine,” Jaxon huffs. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is,” I say with my whole heart.
When Jaxon leaves, I glance at Ava, who steps to my bed. “As sad as it will be to see you go, if it’s what you need, then I support it.”
“I need a change, Ava,” I croak. “I’m not thriving here.”
Ava’s eyes lower. “I get it. I just want the best for you.”
“Me, too.”
She leans forward and presses a kiss to my head. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do. We’ll make sure there are lots of visits.”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
Ava exits the room quietly, and my eyes float to Caleb. “The doctors are going to know about us,” I murmur.
“I don’t care,” he states simply. “Jaxon said he’s going to try to keep things quiet and talk to them. Are you sure about leaving?”
“They might have taken me in, but I’ve never felt part of this pack. Hopefully with you, it’ll be different, and I’ll finally find somewhere to belong because I’ve been so lost, Caleb.”
He scoots closer and takes my hand in both of his softly. “You will always find home in me.”
My eyes burn as I stare at his handsome face. A face I used to fear and loathe has suddenly become my favourite sight.
“I didn’t really want to die,” I rasp, because dying means I never get to see him again, and I don’t want that. “I just wanted it to stop.”
Caleb inhales as he watches me. “Even if you didn’t want to die, you need to talk to me. Let it out, okay? I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Okay.”
“Get some rest,” he says before standing and pressing a kiss to my forehead.
“Will you stay?”
“Always.”