Chapter 56 Evan
EVAN
It’s been three weeks of hell.
Three weeks of heartache.
Three weeks of emptiness.
I was only discharged from the infirmary a few days ago. Ryker broke my ribs and my arm. The bruises on my body are finally starting to turn yellow in a sign of healing, but I’m in pieces inside.
Ava, Kayleigh, Jaxon, and Kayden have been nothing short of supportive. Felix and Zara have popped by every now and then to check in, too.
But it’s hard to be present when there’s nothing in my heart. Caleb left with it. And I haven’t heard from him. Of course, I haven’t. No one knows where he is, if he’s coming back, if he’s okay, and that destroys me all over again.
Now that I’ve moved back to Jaxon’s pack, he's had me under supervision. I can’t go anywhere without a chaperone for the sake of my mental health.
They’re worried about me, I get it, but I need a second to breathe. My wrists have itched in ways I can’t even explain. I’m not proud to say I gave into those thoughts when I was alone for a few minutes, it’s haunted me ever since.
This isn’t what Caleb wanted for me, but I’ve never felt so lost.
How can I go on without him?
He sacrificed himself, and I know why he did it, but it still butchers me.
I’ve been sitting out on the patio steps for what feels like hours. It’s been raining since the second I stepped out here. The droplets sink into my skin, leaving my clothes soaked through, yet I’m still numb as hell.
My fingers latch onto Caleb’s necklace, and it makes me feel somewhat closer to him, but it’s not enough.
“Evan,” Ava murmurs as she steps outside. “You’re going to make yourself sick.”
I don’t even care anymore. What’s the fucking point?
She perches beside me, but I don’t turn to look at her. I can’t.
“Evan, please,” she whispers desperately.
I remain silent.
“I know this is so hard for you,” she carries on. “But you can’t destroy yourself like this.”
My eyes drop, and I inhale a big breath. The sound of the rain echoes around us as droplets fall down my face. I don’t even know if they’re my tears or from the sky. Probably both.
“What do you want me to do, Ava?” I ask blankly.
“Don't give up,” she exhales. “We know Caleb is strong, okay? He’ll figure something out.”
This time, I turn towards her. “He needs help.”
“Evan—”
“Why is no one helping to look for him?”
“Because he told us not to.”
I scoff subtly. “That’s not a good enough reason.”
“It’s to protect you and everyone he might avenge because of it.”
“So he has to suffer?”
Ava’s mouth trembles as she watches the devastation on my face. “I know this isn’t easy, but he did this for you.”
“And I wish he didn’t,” I rasp. “Because this feels like dying.”
She wraps her arm around my shoulder and tugs me towards her, our wet clothes pressing up against one another. “He’ll come back.”
I pull away from her embrace and stand on quivering legs. “I have to look for him.”
“No.” She latches her hand onto my wrist. “You can’t. If Ryker finds out, he’ll kill you.”
My mouth parts as I stare down at her. “I’m already dead, Ava.”
“Caleb doesn’t want you to do this.”
“But he’d do it for me,” I sob. “If I sacrificed myself, he wouldn’t give up looking for me. To bring me home.”
Ava stands after a few moments and drops my wrist. “It’s complicated. He gave us strict orders.”
“But he’s not your Alpha.”
“No, but it’s for your safety and protection.”
I grit my teeth in fury. “I’m not going to sit here and do nothing. I’ll go out of my fucking mind.”
“You can’t. Jaxon won’t let you.”
“Then he’ll have to stop me.”
Ava’s eyes glisten. “Evan, listen to me—”
“No,” I heave. “I’m tired of being a coward. I want to fight for what matters, and Caleb matters. What if Ryker is torturing him? Breaking him beyond repair? He’s helpless right now, and you want me to sit here and do nothing.”
“I understand.”
“You don’t,” I cry. “If Jaxon were in this position, I know you’d fight for him too.”
Her eyes flick between mine slowly before she inhales. “Your life is on the line.”
“And I’d give my life for him any day.”
After everything he’s done for me. He gave me back my life, and now I want to do the same.
“You do crazy things for the people you love,” I confess. “And Caleb needs someone to fight for him. Regardless of what he said, of what he ordered. I have to do something, otherwise I’ll never forgive myself.”
I refuse to live the rest of my life being scared, playing it safe. If I die trying to save the man I love, then I think it’s one of the best ways to go.