Chapter 10 - Harper
My dreams were filled with Alex Garson.
Days passed, and I spent time with my triplets, delighting them because I made sure that everything we did was indoors. Now that I knew my gun and knife weren’t any sort of protection against the demons, and I had refused Alex’s offer of getting me a proper knife to fight the creatures off, I had suddenly lost my courage to venture outside.
I was lucky that we were overstaffed at work, making sure I always had someone to cover me while I made sure my babies never left my sight. Sometimes, I dosed off in the rocking chair in their room, watching over them as a mom should.
I never recalled my mom ever doing this for me. Then again, the only things to fear in that village were a change in life, tradition, and going against family. Now, there were real threats outside my cottage, and I didn’t want to risk my children being caught in the crossfire.
But I had my own sentry. He waited outside every night. And all I could do was occasionally watch from my bedroom window. By day, I protected my babies. But the night was when my dreams caught up with me, drowning me in every memory I had suppressed of Alex.
My skin was heated when I woke up, sheets stuck to my skin, and desire heavy in my limbs. His body folded over mine in my dreams, his broad shoulders filling my vision. In them, I got to my knees, as I once had, and heard my name falling from his lips repeatedly, a prayer much different from the ones I had grown up on and abandoned. My dream version of Alex had a mouth that seared paths down my body with kisses, and I woke up aching, needy, and craving that submission Alex had once given me the release of.
I want you , I gasped in some of my dreams.
In others, he had me ride him, but I kept telling him I hated him, and it only made him move harder and faster against me.
I wanted revenge—I wanted him . I wanted a whole myriad of things that I could not have.
But the demon's presence had abated, and I didn’t see any telling flashes during my hibernation. No matter how much I trusted in my charms, Alex had now given me reason to doubt them. Were they even strong enough? Had I thought they worked, or was it just that demons hadn’t been present, and Azure Cove had been lucky? I didn’t know and couldn’t think about it too hard.
On the fourth day, my phone rang with a FaceTime call from Adalyn while I was making coffee. The triplets were glued to their new favorite show—something to do with a blue dog, which was admittedly quite good—I picked up, noticing her background immediately. She was working in Greta’s store, the dark décor behind her casting a strange filter on the camera, making her features look darkly dramatic. Her lips, painted black, tightened.
“Harp, I love you, but why are you hiding in your cottage? Are you waiting for a runaway prince to come and save you?”
“That’s not funny,” I pouted. “No, I’m—I’m scared, honestly. This whole demon attack thing has me spooked.”
“But there hasn’t been an attack in days,” she said. “Not since… Well, your attack.”
“Have there been any sightings?”
Adalyn paused before nodding. “But none have approached. It’s like they’re watching. Waiting. The demons never come close enough to attack or be killed, but some have said about them haunting the water, washing up on land, hiding in the mountains.”
A shiver trickled down my spine. “God.”
“I know.” She looked around as some background noise interrupted. She put her phone down on the counter. Quieter, seeing as she’d moved away from the speaker, I heard her talking to some customers. More demon talk, more expressing fear. I heard Adalyn smoothly suggest some wards and rituals that could be done to provide protection for the home.
When she returned, I asked the question I worried about asking. “Does it really work?” I asked. “The wards and charms.”
“Yes,” she said. “That ring, Harp, is your biggest defense.”
“But why did they still attack me?”
“A stronger group, perhaps? Maybe I need to get you better charms. But trust me, if there’s a demon presence, those charms will at least keep them at arms’ length. Long enough to run or…”
I raised a brow. “ Or ?”
“Or have your baby daddy protect you.”
“Addie, remember whose side you’re on.”
“I mean, yours, obviously, but…”
“But what?”
“I just think you could benefit from the protection. No strings, no him getting a second chance with you, but if he’s willing to keep it only as just protection, then…”
“It’s Alex,” I muttered. “He won’t stop at just protection. ”
“But how do you know that?”
Frustration built in me. “I just do. I know him .”
“Harp, you knew him for a couple of months, right?”
“Yeah. But we saw each other nearly every day.”
I hadn’t told her what Alex did for a job or that he was a wolf shifter, either. If she knew he’d been undercover, she would only try to convince me that I didn’t wholly know him. And… If I hadn’t seen what happened, I might not know the real him. Maybe the real him was a man who gazed at stars and fought demons. But what about the man on the motorbike? The man who made beers and gave me all the cash he made during his undercover job so one day I could leave Haystock?
My silence said enough to Adalyn that she backtracked. “Okay—okay, I’m sorry. I won’t get too involved, but I’m saying that I don’t think a little protection is a bad idea. Fight him on the other things, but those babies and you need to stay safe. If you’re cooped up in your house, you might only be a more anticipated target for demons.”
“Sorry, do you want to scare me a little more?” I laughed, my voice shaking.
“I’ll come by later, okay?” Addie said.
“Mmhmm. Thank you. Love you.”
“I love you, babe. Stay safe and get some air.”
“Will do.”
She blew me a kiss before hanging up.
“Get some air,” I muttered to myself. But how was I supposed to risk leaving my cottage now, with my children, when Alex had taken up vigil whenever he could? I didn’t feel trapped, at least not by him. It reminded me of a day when Alex had been doing surveillance, and we’d had to stay in his car for hours on a stakeout. He never should have taken me, but we’d happened to stumble across one of his targets while we were on a date, and he hadn’t been able to pass up the chance.
He reported it to his superiors but never mentioned it to me. He had gripped my hand tightly during the whole stakeout, wanting to know I was safe. If anything had ever happened to me on those jobs then we were done for.
I sighed. Pushing Alex far from my mind, I wandered into my babies’ room.
“Mommy!” Hallie cried, launching herself at me.
“Aunt Addie is coming over later, okay? How about we make some pancakes before she gets here?”
All three of them giggled, cheering. I collected a few picture books and retreated into the kitchen, where they all took up chairs around the table.
“ Do you want children ?” Alex had once asked me, back when the future had felt possible with him. But had it ever truly been possible?
“ I do ,” I’d answered. “ But I want them growing up in a world that isn’t what I grew up in. I want them to make their own choices about their lives. I don’t want them trapped in this village. ”
And I had made sure that they weren’t. Once upon a time, I dreamed of having Alex’s children and eloping. Now, I had Alex’s children, but there was no way he was getting close to them.
While my babies were still learning complete sentences, they flipped through their picture books, pointing out words they knew.
“Cat!”
“Dog,” Joseph answered.
“That’s a bird,” Marie pouted. “It’s red.”
“It could be a red dog,” Joseph replied, pouting.
“Mommy, tell him it’s not a dog!” Hallie exclaimed. I noticed that she had started to become the leader of their trio. She had been born last out of the triplets, and it was clear she was making her own little way in the world. I smiled, recognizing my own insistence and stubbornness in her already.
“It’s a dog,” Joseph insisted. He pointed out towards the back window. “Outside.”
My heart pulsed sickly. Not because my son had seen Alex or because Alex’s presence scared me, but because it was more like, what if Alex had seen my son? How well could he hear me talking to them? Could he smell them? Did DNA call to DNA among shifters?
And I kept asking myself: were my children more his kin or mine?
I was broken from my thoughts by the frying pan sizzling, demanding attention.
“Stay awake from the dog outside, okay?” I told them. “All of you.”
“It goes at night,” Joseph said, pausing before he tried to imitate a howl, which only sent Hallie and Marie into fits of giggles, copying him. Panic crawled over my skin as I tried to focus on the bear-shaped pancakes I cooked.
Flip the pancake.
Ignore the howls.
Don’t panic. Alex won’t hear it. He probably isn’t even out there.
They’re your babies, not his.
Keep your secret.
Grab the syrup.
I gave myself the instructions, calming my breath, until the four of us sat around the table. We were a family—this was my family. Alex was not included and never would be.
And the sooner his vacation ended and he left, the better.
***
“Harper,” my mom cooed over FaceTime a few days later. “Come home. Why won’t you let us see our grandbabies?”
“Mom, I am home,” I told her.
I was in the living room, my babies tucked up in bed asleep. “That is not your home. And anywhere my grandbabies are without me isn’t home, either. They need sturdy grandparents. Who looks after them when you work, hm?”
“I have friends here,” I argued. “They’ve been good to me, Mom, as you well know but like to ignore.”
“All I think is that there’s nothing like the help of family. Diego has already expressed his willingness to take on those children as his own.”
Fury burned through me. “No. No, Mom. Do not go there .”
She flinched back but I shook my head. “They’re not anybody’s but mine .”
My mom huffed. “I wished you’d have thought that before you let that—that vagrant get you pregnant. I still can’t believe you let that happen, Harper! You were a good girl before you met him.”
I had to bite back the scoff. No, I had been better at hiding my life from her before meeting Alex.
“Can you drop it?” I asked. “Please just… I’m not visiting. Not now, not ever, Mom. Haystock isn’t my home. I want you to know the triplets, but I don’t want them influenced by that place.”
“It is a good, honest place—”
“No,” I told her. “No. Look, I have to go.”
“Harper—”
I hung up on her. Tears stung me eyes. How dare she think that another man could raise my children! Diego was a stranger—not really, but he was not somebody I held in any regard. He had been the good boy next door to my parents, both of us born at similar times, and so, naturally, mine and his parents had paired us up from a young age. I had lost my virginity to him on prom night seven years ago in the back of his car, both of us tipsy and laughing that we didn’t feel so much like good kids.
My mom tried to call me back. I left my phone on the counter, turned it face down, grabbed the baby monitor, and headed outside. There was a trellis on the wall where, before I’d had the triplets, I had climbed up onto the roof and looked out at the ocean beyond the island, thinking of how far I had made it alone.
Now, I climbed up there and searched the trees. I could look from my bedroom window, but there was something about the cold air setting in, and the feeling of searching for him—the wolf guarding my cottage.
When I spotted him, I didn’t feel unsafe. His warm eyes watched me. His fur was almost indiscernible in the dark, but up close, I knew his fur was a deep, rich brown, so much so that he was almost a black wolf, the exact color of his hair. A growl rippled through the air as soon as I settled onto my cottage roof perched. I angled the baby monitor away from me so I would be able to hear it, but Alex wouldn’t see it.
The wolf stood up but didn’t move towards me.
I was never scared of him in this form.
I wanted the peace I felt before he arrived, but as I gazed at him, I realized a part of me had missed this. My body ached to go to him, as I once had, when he waited for me in this form.
I’d always recognize you , I had once told him, burying my face in his fur. No matter what, I would know it was you, always watching over me. Keeping me safe.
And a part of me still did feel safe. I felt more protected by Alex as a wolf. I felt calmer . He couldn’t rile me up or make demands of me like this. Perhaps Adalyn was right: I could have my protection without anything else if he stayed in his wolf form.
It should have scared me once more to find out he could shift into a wolf. The second time we had met, we’d ventured out on his bike, heading into the forests surrounding my hometown. Then we’d stopped off, he’d stripped, and Alex had shifted into a wolf before I could enjoy the view properly. I had been so desperate for something to disrupt my life there that I had accepted it without much question. I had been in awe, shocked endlessly, and asked him to shift many times just so I could keep seeing his form.
After he had shifted that first time, I had ridden him right there in the forest clearing, my orgasm swift and powerful, and I had let him unleash himself on me afterward. Now I knew what that strength of his truly contained.
Alex took a step forward towards me now. I panicked.
No , I thought. No, don’t come too close.
I couldn’t let the wind carry my triplets’ scent to him. He may have already scented them, may have already questioned. But no… No, the Alex I had seen a glimpse of now would have demanded answers if he so much as suspected he had walked away from children four years ago.
“Alex,” I whispered, wondering if he would hear me. His ears pricked up. Of course, he would listen to me.
Tell him everything you’re afraid to say , I thought. Tell him everything now, while he cannot answer. Spill out your heart and ask for nothing in return.
I gazed at the wolf across the cottage’s small lawn, and the small expanse of trees further separating us. The distance felt endless. It felt like it was not enough. Too far, not far enough, a war waging in my heart.
Leave.
Stay.
Go away.
Come back.
Don’t leave again.
The thoughts spun, my distress spinning into the air, likely in a palpable wave Alex would detect.
He took another step towards me, half emerging from the treeline now.
A flash of blue snapped up both of our attentions. My head whipped around to stare out at the waves, where a patch of water glowed blue. Two black eyes stared at me, sharp teeth glinting in the lights of my cottage.
I tensed, needing to protect my babies, needing to get inside. I couldn’t do everything at once. I needed the demons away from my children, and I needed to move, but I was rooted, fight or flight kicking in. I needed to fight—my children were inside, and I had to move—
The wolf watching me lunged for the demon.