Chapter 16 - Harper
“Okay, who wants the first bear-shaped pancake?” Alex’s voice echoed in the kitchen. He let out a soft laugh. “Or, rather, the oddly shaped bear pancake?”
“Me!” Hallie cried. I smiled, paused on the stairs, watching the triplets huddled around the counter, balls of energy in the morning, while Alex darted across the kitchen, between plates, and the stoves, making sure the children never went near the heat. I wanted to embrace them, but I waited, wanting to see how Alex was with the triplets when I wasn’t there.
“All right, up first we have…” He did a drum roll before pointing at Hallie. “Hallie! Come on over here and choose a sauce.”
He had lined up three flavors of sauce for the pancakes. I never usually let them have so much sugar when they already had bounds of energy, but I excused them for one morning, at least. Besides, Alex looked so happy. Hallie jabbed a finger at the strawberry sauce before Alex uncapped it. She took it from him and squeezed the bottle so a line of sauce trickled onto her pancake.
Alex returned to the stove. “Who’s up next? Marie?”
She jumped up and down, offering her plate. Alex carefully poured batter into the pancake template. I made sure to stay hidden on the stairs so none of the triplets got distracted. Hallie dug into her pancakes, munching through them happily.
Soon, all three triplets had a pancake each, and while they were distracted, I slipped into the kitchen, reaching for my coffee cup.
“Morning,” Alex said, the domesticity so painfully reminiscent of the older days of us being together.
“Mommy! We got pancakes!” Joseph exclaimed. He grinned, his tiny baby teeth visible.
“They look great,” I said. “I hope you thanked your d—Alex.”
He turned to fix me with a look that said I had been caught.
“We did!” The chorus came from all three babies.
“All right, well you enjoy your pancakes while Mom gets her coffee, okay?”
Alex pressed a cup into my hand. “Already made it for you.”
I raised a brow at him.
“What?” he asked. “Cappuccino, two brown sugars?”
I hated that my coffee tastes hadn’t changed, but he was able to do that. “Thank you,” I said.
“No problem.” He clinked his own cup against mine annoyingly before drinking deeply. There was something handsome about this: the early morning wakeup, sleep still clinging to his body with his slow movements. Getting to watch this life-hardened man be softened by sleep.
“I heard you singing to them last night,” I told him. “It was beautiful.”
“I’m surprised you’d admit that.”
I shrugged. “It worked. They’re full of energy.”
“Aren’t all kids?”
I shook my head. “Last year, Joseph went through a time of always being sleepy. No amount of sleep was enough. He fell asleep everywhere, and I tested him to ensure he was healthy and everything was okay, but…” I shrugged.
“Maybe he missed his father,” Alex said.
I tightened my jaw. They have no father , I once said, because I truly believed it to be true. But now Alex had returned and… Well, I didn’t know how to handle it.
“Have you told them who I am?” Alex asked. “I noticed Joseph has a wolf toy. Do they know anything about their DNA? About me?”
I shook my head. “They asked things when they started coming home from pre-school, but I told them their father was away. I showed them pictures of soldiers—without weapons, of course, not yet—and told them it was like what you did. They thought it was cool.”
“Really?” I grinned. “I should be thankful they thought it was cool and not that their father is dead.”
“Well, he may have been to me thanks to his own actions, but I never would have stopped them from asking about you.” I sipped my coffee, trying not to show how much the sweetened bitterness was the best thing for me in the morning. “My only worry was that I had nothing to provide when they were old enough to build contact. Only a name, and honestly, Alex, I never actually trusted it was your real name.”
He laughed, but I didn’t think it was too far-fetched an idea. “Of course, it's my real name. I told you Arin Hawthorne because that was an order, but then I told you my true one.”
“What other orders did you follow, Alex?” I asked. “Was leaving me an order?”
Pain crossed his face before I watched as he shut down. Before he could answer, the door to the cottage burst open. I expected Addie, but Zephyr and the rest of the group walked in. They were a mess of noise, and I couldn’t help but laugh because it got the kids riled up.
“Mornin’ cubs!” Zephyr called. “Who’s ready for an adventure today?”
“Me!” Hallie yelled, jumping off her chair and bouncing on the floor.
“Adventure?” I asked. “Wait—”
“It’s okay,” Alex said. “They asked if they can meet the triplets properly. They’re sort of like brothers to me, so they could be uncles to them. Plus, it's more shifters for them to be around.”
It made sense. And I trusted these men. They had saved countless lives—my own included. And I could see that it made Alex happy, and despite our argument last night, part of me wanted to give him that happiness. There had been days where I’d watched him agonize over every decision he had to make. To see this sense of relaxation in his face was true something else.
It made me feel… softer towards him.
I thought of last night, how I went to bed aching for him, after he had closed me in against the wall, stirring aroused thoughts. I knew he’d have been able to smell my arousal, that I couldn’t deny it forever, but I still had my verbal refusal as my last line of defense until I was ready to cross that line with Alex again.
God , I wanted to. I wanted his body against mine even if I couldn’t trust him with my heart. Would physical intimacy complicate things? I didn’t know. Nothing could ever be casual between us. Alex and I were like a match, waiting to spark an inferno. While the children became enamored with Zephyr and Hector and looking at all the gadgets they brought the adventure, Alex cornered me by the island in the kitchen.
Him in a fitted white short-sleeved t-shirt, even with his pajama pants low on his hips, I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t deny that looking at him made everything in me ache and want.
“What do you say, Harpie?” he asked in a low voice. “Up for a little adventure?”
“Where are we going?”
“Into the woods,” he told me. “I want to be around them in one of our natural habitats, get them more in tune with the forest.”
Slowly, I nodded. “Okay. Okay, but I’m keeping an eye on them at all times.”
I looked over at a squeal. Frazer had hoisted both Marie and Joseph onto his shoulders, grinning. Hallie ran over to Alex, tugging on his hand.
“Me too, me too!”
“Here we go!” he called, swinging her up onto his shoulders. Hallie let out a delighted cry.
“Mommy, I’m flying!”
I laughed as Alex zoomed her around the kitchen, and Frazer joined in so the children could reach out to grasp hands. As I stood back and watched, realizing that, for the first time, I wasn’t asking anyone for help, it was simply being offered, I relaxed. Peace settled within me, possibly for the first time since Alex had left me in Haystock.
***
Addie met us at a tourist store, decked out in black denim shorts and a cropped sports bra, a cap crushing her dark curls, and sunglasses on. Zephyr took one look at her and stepped forward, offering for them to lead the way.
“Wait, I want to go in here a second,” Alex said, disappearing inside the souvenir store. He returned moments later holding three camouflage bucket hats and backpacks.
“Here you go,” he said to each child, putting the hats on their heads. They all put on their backpacks themselves, but Joseph couldn’t get his arm through his, struggling to find the angle. He twisted around, and I went to help him until he stumbled into Alex, letting out an oof mumble.
“There we go,” Alex said, righting Joseph, and holding his shoulders as my son put his backpack on. Alex crouched down and tightened the straps. “All good?”
Joseph nodded.
“You look pretty cool with that hat on,” he said. “Should I get the same?”
After a moment, Joseph gave him a toothy grin and nodded.
Alex led him inside the store. “All right, let's pick one out for Da—me.”
Addie sidled up to me while we waited. “I’m surprised you’re not intervening,” she noted. “But he’s doing a good job. They’ve taken to him.”
“I suppose they would,” I said. “He’s their father, after all.”
Addie nodded. “Are you doing okay?”
“Honestly, I’m just… Confused. Messed up with it all, actually, but what can I do? He’s here, I don’t trust him not to break my heart, and the most I can do is let him get to know his triplets. If he can walk away after that, then it's on him to live with.”
Alex and Joseph emerged. Alex had a hat on like theirs, and he hoisted Joseph up onto his shoulders. Together, with Joseph’s red hair sticking out from his bucket hat, and Alex’s buzzed hair visible beneath his, the two headed onwards as we all moved towards one of the woodland hikes. They truly did look like father and son, and it melted my heart to watch.
There was something so competent about how he easily stepped into the role of father, making sure the kids were happy and had what they might need or want. I willed myself to be angry—to think that he should have been there to this a long time ago but I could only feel softened by it now.
“Good morning, cubs!” Sweeney called from the head of the group. “I’m your guide for today. We have one objective and one objective only: to have fun on the best hike today!” He held up a finger. “However! There is a challenge .”
Hallie giggled delightedly.
Sweeney clapped his hands together. “We’re also bird-spotting today. Flightless birds included. The person who points out the best bird gets a bowl of ice cream of their choosing once we come back and control of what goes on TV.”
Hallie leaned in.
“Who here has a keen eye?” Johnson stepped up to talk, really bigging up the adventure for the children.
“Me!” Marie called out. “I think I do!”
“Then you’ll be our spotter. If you work with me, we’ll have these really cool things called binoculars that’ll help us spot birds a whole lot more.”
“But,” Alex said, walking up with Joseph still on his shoulders. “An important thing is that energized cubs hydrate. So remember to drink your water and always let one of us know if you get too tired to continue on, okay? Safety and wellbeing first.”
With that, we all set off onto the hike. Azure Cove boasted three major trails—the Highland Trail, the Green Trail, and the Lake Trail. Sweeney took us down the route of the Green Tail, which was dense on either side of the paths with trees. It would be the best for bird-spotting and getting the kids into nature.
Hector had what Alex had explained as some sort of energy tracker to know if demons were gathering. So far, we were clear, but I was still looking for a solution. And if anything happened… I had to trust that Alex and the others would protect us as he had promised.
***
“Harper,” Alex said as we walked through the Green Trail. “You said you didn’t know for sure yet, but… Well, why didn’t you tell me you had symptoms of your pregnancy?”
“I didn’t know back when I was on borrowed time with you,” I told him. “But also, would it have made a difference? Would you have stayed?”
He glanced at me as he picked his way across the path. Up ahead, Joseph was walking alongside Sweeney, with the older man calling them both skilled intrepid explorers , while Marie walked with Hector, asking about his tech, and Hallie was trying to keep up with Zephyr and Adalyn, who swung the triplet between themselves. I trusted my children with this group. They could kill men with their bare hands, but I knew they would never let any hurt come to my children.
It was strange to know what they were capable of and see them immediately softened by the children.
“I don’t know,” Alex answered. “You’ve never let me explain why I left. I’ve tried.”
“I know,” I said. “And I want to know, but… I can’t handle finding out, only for you to leave again.”
“Who said I have to leave?”
“Because my life is Azure Cove, but yours isn’t, Alex.”
“It could be,” he said.
“But you say that like you didn’t walk away from our life together in Haystock.”
“There was no life for us in that town!” he hissed, keeping his voice down. “You know that, I know that, and every damn villager who stuck their nose into our business knew it, too.”
“Did you leave for work?” I asked. “Because you were called back by your Commander?”
Alex went silent. “Because if so, how do I know that you won’t do it again? Four years, Alex.”
“But it won’t be in the future,” he protested. “I just—I thought it was best to stay away. I wanted to leave a way to be contacted, but I just… I couldn’t risk your life like that. Who knew what they’d do to you if I stayed in your life? What would they have done to us both?”
“What do you mean?”
But before he answered, he did something I had been waiting for.
Alex kissed me.
He had come so close to doing it so many times that my mind took a moment to catch up when he finally did it. That match that we were… As soon as his mouth was on mine it exploded into a blaze, an explosion, and I fell into it willingly.
He nudged me off the path, towards a clearing where we would be hidden. The group’s voices faded, and I let myself get lost in Alex. Alex’s hand on my waist, slipping under my t-shirt. Alex’s mouth was on mine, devouring me with demanding, passionate kisses that I couldn’t keep up with. We blazed and blazed; I burned for him, ached for him.
“Wait,” I said, grasping his wrist. “Wait—the—the group—”
“Sweeney’s hike goes downhill from here,” he muttered as he trailed kisses down my neck. “We won’t be seen. Let yourself give in, Harper. I know you’ve been aching to for days.”
He placed my hand on his torso, right where his hard-earned muscles were. I bit back a keen, curling my fingers as I dug my nails into his skin enough to leave little crescents. Nothing had ever been soft or sweet between us like this—there had always been that harder edge. Alex’s eyes closed as the sting of my nails, and I smiled.
“Yeah, I remember that,” I whispered, kissing his jaw. Alex growled before he slammed my hips against the tree behind me.
“Be careful, Harper,” he warned. “You don’t want to set me off.”
But if I was going to throw myself into the flames, I couldn’t be afraid of being burnt. “Don’t you want me?” I teased. I leaned in, letting my tongue swipe along his cheek. “Can’t you scent how badly I want you?”
I parted my thighs. Alex’s eyes fluttered, a smile on his lips as his fingers curled into the waistband of my sweatpants. He trailed a hand down the center of my legs, through the material.
“I can,” he groaned. “You smell soaked.”
I couldn’t deny myself any longer. God, I wanted him. I wanted everything he had to give. I pulled him in for a kiss, all tongues and teeth, clashing and chasing, fighting. In the end, he tugged on my hair and let me fall into that place where I willingly submitted to him.
“There we go,” he murmured, watching my expression. “Good girl.”
The old name burned through me, and I whimpered.
“You learned so quickly,” he purred. “I’m sure I can reteach you.”
“Please,” I murmured.
Alex grinned at me, all wicked and teeth. The hand on my waistband slipped in, finding its way into my panties. Alex wasted no time in running a finger between my folds, indeed finding me soaked.
“Fuck,” he cursed. I clenched in anticipation, hating how much emptier I felt with him so near to where I wanted him. “God, Harper, how long has it been that you’re already this turned on?”
It wasn’t a judgemental question but one of awe, one where he looked pained at the thought of not already being buried into me.
I blushed as he teased me along the material of my panties, tracing the outlines of my heat.
“Wait.” He pulled back. “Harper, how long?”
“I haven’t…” I mumbled. “Not since you.”
He cursed. But then he pulled my hair harder, and I bit my lip to stifle my moan. He pressed up against me. “Then I’ll make sure you’re satisfied,” he snarled. “If you’ve gone this long without that perfect pussy being filled.” He smiled indulgently. “Not with my cock, not yet, Harper. I want you to be loud for me when I fuck you properly. But I can still satisfy you. Don’t worry, since it's been a while, I’ll go… Slowly for you.”
He bit down on my neck, sucking a mark where he once showed me my mating mark would be, and slid two fingers inside of my soaked pussy.
I cried out, biting his t-shirt to muffle myself. “You— fuck —bastard! You said slowly.”
He laughed darkly. “Sorry.”
“Ass,” I gasped, but he curled his fingers as I talked, the end of the word tapering off on a moan. With his hand in my panties like this, I couldn’t ignore the press of his erection against me. I was reminded of the nights when he would keep me filled with his cock—his endless libido keeping up with mine. Those nights had been full of passion, of cries in the night, of endless exploration and, quite often, indulging in some kinks.
“Do you remember the cuffs?” he asked, as if reading my mind. “I kept you tied up, all for my pleasure. For your pleasure. I didn’t care about you getting me off; I just wanted to thoroughly worship you.”
He pulled back, his fingers sliding in and out of me at a demanding pace. We both knew we couldn’t afford to fall behind too far lest anyone come back to search for us. Alex pulled out, keeping the tips of his fingers stimulating the edges of my heat.
“Well? Do you remember, Harper?”
“I remember— ah , fuck— Alex .” My moans fell freely from my lips, unable to be contained.
“God, I’ve missed these moans,” he groaned, devouring my mouth as he pushed his fingers back in, spreading me. I was soaking wet, no doubt making a damn mess of my panties, but I didn’t care. Not when I had his pleasure once again. Not when nothing would tear me from him in that moment. “I’m fucking obsessed with you, Harper.”
He sucked a kiss into my neck. “Every night in that desert,” he said. “Every night since I’ve thought of you. I’ve wanted this ass, this pussy. It all belongs to me .” He crooked his fingers, and I couldn’t stifle my cry in time. “You belong to me, Harper.”
“Yes,” I moaned.
“Tell me,” he ordered. “Tell me that there has never been another man that has ever been able to make you feel this good.”
“There’s never been another man,” I gasped as he thrust his fingers in and out. “There’s never, ever been anyone else! I didn’t want anyone else.”
“No,” he drawled, kissing me deeply. “No other man’s cock would have been able to give you what I did.”
“None!” I mewled. “Fuck, Alex, let me come?”
“Have you been a good girl?” he asked, teasing. “Have you earned it, Harper?”
“Yes,” I moaned. I tried to grind my hips up, stimulate my clit on the material of my panties, to no luck. Alex controlled my movements, giving me only his palm that closed over my heat.
“You come when I say you come,” he told me. “But… We’re short on time today. Be a good girl and touch yourself.”
“Wh—”
Before I could ask, he ducked his head to push up my t-shirt. “I always remember how sensitive these were when you got them pierced. You’ve taken out the jewelry, but they still are, aren’t they?”
He pulled on one nipple, and I immediately touched the other one, moaning softly at his fingers in me and my fingers on myself. I bucked and writhed against him, closer and closer to my orgasm.
“Good girl,” he groaned, slowly finding some friction for himself against my hip. “Such a good girl.” His eyes bore into mine, dark and gorgeous, the very eyes that had haunted my sleep and waking hours for four years, never ever fading. I hadn’t gotten over him for a minute, had I?
“Come for me, amorcita .”
My love.
The name and command blazed through me, and I gasped, biting down on his shoulder as I came. My orgasm rocked through me, and I couldn’t stop the hitched, breathy moans spilling freely as Alex fucked me through it with his fingers. My heat clenched around him, and he pulled his hand from my pants.
“Come here,” he said, holding my head and bringing my mouth to his to meet me in a clash of mouths and heat, of claiming and obsession. I had always been just as obsessed with him as he was with me, and I couldn’t deny it. Our kisses slowed as I caught my breath, pressing against him.
I slumped against him, pressing my forehead to his chest.
“Next time,” he said, “I’m going to have you spread on my cock, and we’ll see how good you are for me, then.” He pulled away, grinning. “It's nice to know the Spanish endearment still gets you, querida .”
Darling .
I whimpered as he backed up, going back to the path. I turned away from him, trying to steady my pounding heart and heated face. I righted my clothes, adjusted my panties so it was partially comfortable with the sensitivity, and followed him.
By the time we rejoined the others, Alex had washed my scent off his hand, but Zephyr still sniffed the air discreetly.
And then loudly proclaimed, “Well, some of us are having a very different sort of adventure.”
“Zephyr!” I cried.
“What? I wasn’t going to say anything else.”
He grinned at me.
I couldn’t take my eyes off Alex.
Hesitantly, he reached for my hand. I slipped my fingers between us. Even if I just let myself pretend for a moment then I could forget about the hurt and the past and the distrust.