Admission
Ares
No.
That is the first thought that goes through my head.
Not shock, not happiness, not some poetic shit about fate or the moon or the way Charlotte Arden is staring at me as if the entire world has just shifted beneath her feet.
Just, no.
The Blood Moon hangs above us, bright and fucking enormous against the dark sky, casting a glowing ray of light across the ruined pack grounds as the bond snaps into place.
It’s not anything like the stories make it sound.
It’s far more intense. It feels like something has reached into my chest, wrapped a fist around my soul, and yanked hard enough to drag every secret, thought and lie I’ve ever told myself straight to the surface and then bound it to someone without my permission.
Charlotte is still lying beside me, her hair loose around her face and dirt streaked along her cheek, her wide eyes glowing pale green. She has a stunned expression on her face, one that I’ve never seen on her before.
My wolf knows; he’s at the forefront of my mind, roaring with an urgency, wanting to claim her right here and now, and it’s taking my all to stop myself from pinning her down and marking her as mine.
For one moment, there is nothing but the pull between us and the sound of our pounding hearts filling the silence.
Then panic crawls up my throat like rage.
I shove myself up too fast, forcing space between us as if distance can cut through fate, removing my arm from her waist, and Charlotte pushes herself upright at the same time, though she moves more slowly than usual, one hand pressing against the ground to steady herself.
She reaches for her leg, snapping her foot into position.
My throat dries, and I almost reach to help her, but then she speaks.
“Ares…” she says, and fuck, I hate the way my name sounds in her voice now. Softer, different, intimate, like her voice is made to say it.
No.
I get to my feet, ignoring the way my leg burns and the way the world tilts for half a second.
We had lain in that poisoned water until it had seeped away through the cracks.
It had been far too long; I had swum in and out of the brink of consciousness, keeping my body rigged over hers. It had weakened us both greatly.
But pain is easier to deal with than shit like this. It’s better than the feeling now pulling through my chest towards Charlotte, like it has every right to be there, and it doesn’t.
She stands too, slowly, jaw gritted with pain, as she watches me intently.
“Say something,” she says quietly.
Wrong thing to ask.
I look at her, at the mud on her clothes, the blood in her hair, the moonlight catching the edge of her face, and my wolf presses forward with a low, possessive snarl that makes my hands curl into fists. She still looks fucking good.
I hate it.
I hate how fast it is.
How certain.
How my body has already decided before my mind has had the chance to refuse.
“No,” I say.
Her expression changes, her heart rate quickening. She stiffens, and I can see my words cut through her.
“No?” she repeats. Her voice holds that sharp composure she possesses, but the slight tremble gives her away.
“No,” I growl, sharper this time. Because if I stop, if I think, if I let myself hear the hurt already beginning to form beneath her controlled voice, I might do something stupid like apologise. “I don’t need this.”
The bond tugs in my chest, my wolf howling, almost punishing me for the words.
“This?” she asks quietly.
“Mates,” I snap, and the word comes out ugly. “A bond. Fate deciding shit for me like I don’t already have enough chains around my fucking throat!”
Her eyes harden, but beneath it, there is something else, something quieter that I do not want to name.
“I didn’t choose this either,” she replies coldly.
“Yeah, well, you wanted your precious Blood Moon, didn’t you?” I ask, letting out a humourless laugh because I can feel myself losing control, and apparently, my mouth has decided to make it worse. “Congratulations, Princess. You got what you came for.”
The words hit her hard. I see it, even if she’s doing great keeping it together.
Her face doesn’t crumple. She is not fragile enough for that, and she doesn’t get riled up either. I wish she did, though, because anger would be easier to face than the way she now lifts her chin and pulls every piece of herself back into place with that perfect Arden control of hers.
“That was unnecessary,” she says, with a contemptuous once-over as if speaking to a fucking kid.
“It was the truth,” I growl.
“No,” she replies, voice softer now, which somehow cuts worse. “That was just your fear getting the better of you. I know how you looked at me, Ares, before the bond snapped into place.”
My jaw tightens.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” she asks, stepping closer. “See you?”
“I said don’t.”
“Then say what you actually mean, Ares.”
“I did.” My voice rises, rougher, angrier, because she is too close and the bond is fucking with my head and sanity.
The veil is still open beneath us; that monster could return if he wanted.
We’re still weak, and all I can think about is that every man I know would burn kingdoms for the woman fate has tied to him.
“Mates are a weakness. I said that before, and I meant it. I don’t need one.
I don’t need someone people can use against me.
I don’t need my head fucked because some goddess decided I should care whether you breathe or not. ”
That last sentence was harsh, and I regret it before it’s even fully out of my stupid mouth, but it’s too late.
The silence after that is worse than the words I just spat out. She doesn’t move for a moment, and when she finally does, it is only to step back from me.
Just one step, but it feels like more.
“I see,” she says quietly.
Something sharp twists in my chest.
The bond still hangs between us, the pull desperate and furious, and I stand there like a fucking idiot with my hands clenched at my sides, knowing I should say something else, something that doesn’t make the look in her eyes worse, but I don’t know how.
I don’t know how to take it back without admitting why I said it. I don’t know how to tell her that the second the bond snapped into place, the thought of something touching her became unbearable in a way I cannot survive.
So, I say nothing.
Charlotte watches me, as if giving me time to take my words back, but I don’t. Then the hope, or whatever small piece of it had been stupid enough to remain in her eyes, disappears.
“Then you need not worry,” she says, her voice cold and controlled in a way that makes me feel like I have done something unforgivable. “I have no interest in being a weakness to a man who sees me as one.”
“That’s not-”
But I stop, because it is what I said, and she heard exactly what I gave her.
Her lips press into a tight line, and I hate that too because it is the only sign she gives me that I hurt her.
“Charlotte,” I say, but her name feels wrong right now, as if I don’t have the right to use it after what I said.
She looks at me with complete indifference. For a second, my wolf almost takes control, and I nearly step towards her, but the moment I move even slightly, she steps back again, and this time I let her.
Like a coward.
“Did Leo respond at all while I was unconscious?” she asks, checking her Schattensicht.
“Na, we lost connection or the veil interfered,” I reply.
“Right, I’ll check.” Her tone is business-like now, with an edge of frost. We’re silent for a moment as a blue hologram screen appears in front of her, and she taps away at it.
“He sent out a team an hour ago when we didn’t check in; he also didn’t get my signal…
Probably interference. I’m sending him an update right now, then I am leaving. You can do what you want.”
“You can’t leave alone.”
Her eyes flash as she glances up at me, her fingers clicking away. “Watch me.”
“Arden-”
“No.” The word cracks through the air, sharp and hostile. “You do not get to decide I am unwanted and then command me as if I belong to you.”
My wolf snarls at our mate’s anger, and his anger is probably meant for me.
But she is already turning away, walking across the ruined ground towards where the car should be, her steps slower than they should be. I notice that immediately: her entire body is rigid, her hand presses briefly against her ribs before she lowers it to her side, and her aura is faint, too.
“Charlotte,” I say again.
She does not stop. I know I should go after her. I should say something.
Anything.
But I just stand there, trapped between pride and panic and the ugly truth that I have no idea how to fix the damage I caused with my own fucking mouth.
Then she collapses, and it’s as if the entire world stops.
One moment she is walking away from me, proud, furious and hurt; the next, her knees give out, her body folding towards the concrete ground.
“Charlotte!”
I move before the sound of her name finishes leaving my mouth.
The distance between us vanishes under my feet; my aura surges as if I’ve found some dredged-up remnant of it by sheer will alone. I catch her before she hits the ground, dropping to my knees with her in my arms.
Her head falls against my chest, her eyes shut, her lips pale.
No.
No, fuck no.
“Arden,” I growl, shaking her once; not hard, but enough. “Don’t do that.”
Her lashes flutter, but she doesn’t say anything.
“I’m here,” I say, even though she can’t hear me.
She needs a healer, now. The panic I feel only sharpens my thoughts.
I curse, low and vicious, then lift my head and scan the grounds. The car is too far, and driving aimlessly with her like this is a shit plan; I’ll be faster in wolf form. I just need to be able to shift.
Out in the air without the poison fucking me up as much, I might be able to.
The Black Storm Pack is pretty close; I’ll go there.
I pull her closer, pressing my mouth near her ear. “You’re going to be ok. You hear me, Princess?”
She doesn’t answer, and I slowly place her on the ground, my eyes blazing as I call my wolf forward.