Chapter 10
Ten
Grier sat in bed, staring at her phone, the words I can’t.
I’m sorry. imprinted on her eyelids like an afterimage she couldn’t blink away.
She had woken with a soft smile, replaying the night before—her award, and the feel of Tobin’s lips against the back of her hand.
She’d thought the message she’d sent before falling asleep was thoughtful, and a perfectly flirtatious end to their night.
Now, her heart felt like it had fallen straight through her chest and settled somewhere in her pelvis, heavy and aching.
What happened? It hadn’t even been twelve hours since their goodbye—which Grier had felt was on remarkably good terms. What did Tobin mean, she can’t?
Can’t what?
Can’t respond? Can’t handle a relationship? Can’t be an adult and offer an explanation?
She refused to respond. Sometimes the best response was silence. Let Tobin know she wasn’t worth the time—that Grier had already moved on.
So what if it was a lie. Fake it ‘til you make it, right?
Her heart thudded hard against her ribs. She knew she was upset, though the anger felt almost secondary to the ache spreading through her chest. All she’d wanted that morning was to wait for Delta to wake up so they could hit their favorite doughnut shop and have a lazy Sunday together.
But now all she wanted was to swim.
She needed to clear her head. Or, rather, suffocate any and all thoughts through her exhaustive, rhythmic efforts in the water.
She threw the covers off, grabbed her swim gear, and crept upstairs to the kitchen. Snatching a banana for fuel, she slipped out the door and headed for her car.
Halfway across the yard, the unmistakable thwop of helicopter rotors filled the air. Grier’s head lifted just as the Parrish Aerial helicopter crested the tree line, rising into her sightline on its way to the hospital.
Her shoulders slumped. Not exactly what she needed this morning—just insult to injury.
The sound echoed through her chest, taunting her.
She was used to the helicopters overhead; living this close to the hospital, they were part of the landscape.
Today, they felt personal, a reminder of what never was.
Adding to her irritation, the pool was packed when she arrived. The thought of making small talk felt unbearable, so her legs diverted her without conscious thought—directing her toward the beach stairs carved into the stony cliff.
She walked along the sand, relishing the wind blowing through her hair. The crash of waves against the shore was oddly cathartic— maybe not as exhilarating as a swim, but just as cleansing.
After a solid thirty minutes of walking, Grier sank onto a sand dune and absently picked at some beach glass that had washed ashore.
Why was she so hung up on this woman?
Tobin had never been truly accessible. It was only the possibility of her that had been enticing. So why did that dismissive text cut so deep?
She knew, instinctively, that it was because this was the first time she’d put herself out there in a long time—the first woman she’d felt outrageously, undeniably drawn to since Nora’s death.
She’d never intended to close herself off after Nora; it had just…
happened. Somewhere between comforting Grant, raising Delta, and swallowing her own hurt, she’d stopped searching for partners.
There had been flings, a few one-night stands, but the desire to bring someone into her heart had faded with Nora’s loss.
Tobin had awakened a level of desire Grier had forgotten she was capable of experiencing—the ache of possibility, the hunger to be known again. Dusty as it was, it had still been there, waiting.
She was abruptly pulled from her detached reverie when her phone started buzzing. Grove was FaceTiming her. Grove could read disappointment through a screen like it was a subtitle—she may as well just get the update over with.
Grier swiped to answer. “Hey, baby sister!”
“What’s wrong? Why are you at the beach?”
“I wanted to swim, but the pool was too full, so I went for a walk instead.” Even as she said it, she felt her defenses rising— bristling beneath her skin, misdirected toward the one person who least deserved her vitriol.
“You only walk the beach when you’re hanging on by a thread,” Grove said flatly. “Grant and Delta texted me that you won last night. The pictures showed you were indeed ecstatic, so what happened between then and now?”
Grier laughed, the sound cracking as tears betrayed her, traipsing their way down her cheeks. She hadn’t even realized she was crying until she felt the snot hit the back of her throat. “Would you be surprised to hear there was a girl? A woman, I should say.”
“I’m way too delicate for prison, but you could convince me to bury a body,” Grove offered conspiratorially. She was usually good at pulling Grier out of a spiral.
Grier smiled through her tears, fingers unconsciously fiddling with the pendant at her throat. “I don’t understand why I’m this upset. We weren’t even dating.”
For once, Grove stayed quiet, patient.
“Her name’s Tobin,” Grier said finally. “Delta and I met her last week when the hospital hosted helicopter tours to test the new helipads. Tobin was one of the pilots. And—” she exhaled, shaking her head, “—she took my breath away so fast and hard that I literally stuttered as I met her. Right before I accidentally groped her.”
She giggled through the tears, the memory too absurd not to.
Then the laughter caught in her throat. She saw again that teasing curve of ink just visible on the cusp of Tobin’s breast— the precarious tendril she’d nearly grazed as they flirted last night, emboldened enough to place her hand on the captain’s exposed skin.
Her stomach clenched at the memory—and the loss of what would never be.
“Well, that sounds like a good start. But how did you go from accidentally groping her to crying alone on the beach the morning after you were named Physician of the freaking Year?” Grove’s voice rose with each word.
Grier shared her story—and her grief. Grove listened patiently, thousands of miles away, unable to offer more than a willing ear to listen.
But that was all Grier needed. The release of her tears and finally voicing the emotions she’d been holding in for over a week washed over her with the catharsis of a cool tide pool.
She felt unburdened as Grove absorbed her words and didn’t try to fix anything for her.
This didn’t need fixing. She wasn’t broken.
“I’m going to relish overstimulating you with my little-sister powers of clinginess. You’ll be begging for reprieve by the time I leave.”
Grier chuckled, standing to brush sand from her shorts with her free hand. “You don’t scare me.”
“Three days, Grier.”
“What would I do without you?” Grier said, a smile cracking through the salt-dried remnants of her tears.
The following day, Grier arrived at work determined to put an end to her fruitless pining. No sooner had she hung her jacket in her office than she heard the door snick shut behind her, and two sets of footsteps scuffle across the floor.
She turned to find Alix and Maren already perched on her couch—eyes wide, leaning forward, expectant. Her resolve evaporated. She collapsed into one of the guest chairs opposite them, fighting the sting of tears.
Alix and Maren exchanged a look before Alix asked the obvious question. “What the hell happened?”
“Nothing,” Grier said bitterly.
“Tears don’t come from nothing, honey,” Maren soothed.
“No. Nothing happened. That’s the beginning and the end of it. Nothing is going to happen. I woke up to an apology text yesterday morning. She can’t. No further explanation. I couldn’t even bring myself to respond.”
“What the hell?” Alix practically yelled.
“After your tour I thought maybe you were embellishing the storyline a bit—I mean, it sounded too hot and heavy to be real. But watching the heat literally rippling between you two on Saturday night? Your chemistry was fucking palpable. Now she can’t?
Can’t what? You’re not proposing! Jesus.
What kind of line is that?” Alix was red with frustration.
“That’s all she said? She can’t?” Maren probed gently.
“All she wrote was, ‘I can’t. I’m sorry.
’ The last thing she said to me—right before she kissed my hand like a fucking knight—was that I should call her sometime.
She invited me to reach out. I know I’m a little addled with the flirtations, and sometimes I get ahead of myself, but it’s pretty difficult to misconstrue a direct request like that.
She invited. I accepted. And over the next six-ish hours, she changed her mind. ”
Grier folded forward, resting her head in her hands. The tears had dried, but her heart still ached.
“Fuck her,” Alix snapped. “You don’t deserve this shit.”
Maren shot Alix a look of distaste; she wasn’t one to write people off so quickly. “I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt—but she does have quite a lot of ground to cover after this. I don’t like seeing you so sad, Grier.”
“I don’t even know why I’m this sad. There was nothing between us but shameless flirting. I can’t figure out why I’m so hurt.”
“She led you on!” Alix harrumphed from their seat.
“This was the first real hope you’ve had for a partner since Nora, honey. That’s no small thing,” Maren offered kindly.
“I think you’re right. Hope is a real bitch, isn’t she?” Grier offered a forced laugh, watching her friends nod in solidarity.
She walked to the mirror on the sidewall of her office and began fixing her makeup. Grabbing her lab coat from the rack, she turned back to her friends for hugs. “I need to start checking on patients. I’ll see you later.”
Alix stood to hug her lightly, then grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back to meet her eyes. “For what it’s worth, that dress was made for you. I’m not sure how the captain didn’t pull you into the coat closet to rip it off you.” Shrugging, they said, “Her loss.”