Chapter 2 The Winter Alpha
The Winter Alpha
The Winter Alpha
The Night of Falling Stars
The mosaic is no less beautiful tonight than it is any night, but the depiction of the Luna Omega and her consorts doesn’t fill me with the savage determination like it did when I first attained High Alpha.
I’d dreamed to be part of it, the myth, the legend, becoming a part of something so great I’d end up with my face in tiles on ceilings, a sword out protecting the love of my life.
Not because of the adventure or sacrifice, but simply to be by her side again.
Having a love that transcended time and worlds, stories and legend.
She was supposed to be mine.
I’d fantasised about going to join them or bringing them home for so many years.
The All-Seer lied. She told me I could save her. She lied to me and meddled, causing a mess I had to clean up, leaving me to rule over these gods I hate. This whole tedious position she manipulated me into has left me with nothing but an urge to strangle everyone who comes near me.
I am the Winter Alpha, and my winters have been feared for as long as there has been time, and here I am, pushing paper. Chasing smoke.
Still, this place is my favourite because it’s the only place now that still feels like her, the only place that holds one forgotten depiction.
No one says her name; it’s been stricken from the records.
No one remembers her, and no one will talk about her.
She is gone. In every way but in my memory.
I wake up to dreams of her touch on my hand.
Her ghostly scent catches my attention before disappearing again.
I hear her laugh when I’m tired, and in a crowd, she says my name.
An omega that was mine for one length of winter.
One that I have not been able to find since despite our vows and promises.
In my mind, I see us walking, my long black hair tangling with her pure white locks. My crimson eyes reflected in the pale silver of hers. Her skin carries the scent of wild forests that has me stepping closer, longing to close the distance until that scent covers me from head to toe.
I rub my palm over the spot that aches whenever I think of her. This hollow in my chest that has existed since the moment I realised she wasn’t coming back.
I’d sit under the art that told tales of them and dream that I was part of the epic tale, with a love that knows no limits, waiting for the day everyone realised they’d made a mistake, and they’d reunite us and bring her home. I’d save her.
We would be together.
Someone told me that dreams were free. I punched him in the mouth. Still, they are as insubstantial as dreams. I can’t save her anymore than I can even find her.
My chance to be a hero, to reunite us never came.
The Luna Omega never appeared, not before me.
The consorts never came with righteous swords, their gifted godly powers blazing from their skin.
No one needed me to go rescue anyone or do something brave enough to see my name written on vaulted ceilings.
They are gone. Those heroes and those days. And the only use they have for an enraged alpha god is to file papers, to answer prayers.
My hands clench, and I use the pain to bring me back, feeling the fury again. All my avenues of finding her have dried up.
There was an omega once that was mine, but she disappeared long ago. On some ridiculous nights, I sit there and wonder if it was her after all or maybe she was a ghost of my own despairing imagination. A conjuration to appease the loneliness that plagues my soul. Am I going insane?
“Where were you?” I whisper to the ceiling. “Where are you now?”
“Alpha.”
My shoulders tense, and I regret my whispered words, but when he doesn’t call me out, I relax.
I turn and smile at the lesser alpha god as he bows.
I’m not for all the bowing and scraping.
We’re not friends here. It’s the season of winter, and I’ve been chosen to lead the alpha gods until the fifty-year cycle is up.
Chosen is a hard stretch. I manipulated it so that I could find my missing omega. But it grates to have anyone bow to me.
He darts past me, not quite running, but clearly uncomfortable in my presence. I get that a lot.
I’ve only been here for thirty-eight turnings of the Earth. I have another twelve to go, but disillusionment is ruining it all. The tedium and constant demands of this job have me riding the edge of my temper, and I feel one fuse short of setting off an ice age.
This is all I was told I should want. The answers would be here. Instead, I’m sitting in the chambers of the gods and listening to petition after petition, granting prayers and accepting sacrifices. This is not what I signed up for. Some days I could cry from the tedium.
I wanted more than this; I’d dreamed of more than this. This position is a trap.
“Here you are.”
I turn with a well-practiced but insincere smile. “High Beta!”
She swishes the long folds of her grey dress to the side and gives me a once-over.
She’s a brown-haired, middle-aged beta with thin lips and shrewd eyes.
Despite her hardness, I have grown to tolerate her.
As part of the trinity of serving gods, I’m much closer with her than the airheaded omega goddess who spends most of her time flirting with anything that moves.
She at least can understand my frustration with the impossible rules of this place.
“What are you doing out here?”
I look up at the mosaic again. “Just thinking about them and pondering whether they exist.”
She tilts her head up. “I believe she did. But it’s good she’s been gone these last three thousand years. The Luna Omega brings discord and suffering. She is a menace.”
Three thousand years. Has it really been that long since we walked in the winter forests? The ache from missing her is as strong as it’s always been.
The words stab sharp, and I have to crush the desire to protest. No one in my memory besides the All-Seer has even acknowledged that she used to be one of us. I’m curious about what the High Beta has to say, even though I want to rip out her lying tongue.
“Does she? I hadn’t heard that about her.
” I’m still staring. The goddess immortalised in her art has snow-white hair that is caught in a wind.
She has a sword raised to the sky; lightning strikes it.
The consorts, two of them, look in each direction, watching her back.
One has red hair, like fire, and the other’s hair is jet black.
The same tight feeling fills my chest, an ache, a yearning, a knowing that I am supposed to be hers. I’m supposed to be there with her.
Where is she?
“Come, we’re celebrating.”
“I don’t want to celebrate.”
“Neither do I, but we'll have a drink, and then we can go to our chambers, and the nagging will end.” Her displeasure leaks out of her whole body, and, on this, we are in agreement.
I press my lips together. “That does sound like a workable plan.”
I follow her into the private hall, which is decorated with gold and massive murals of places I have dim memories of.
It’s full of the gods who live here and close by, laughing and swaying in an unusually inebriated way.
I’d never been part of this crowd. I prefer the wild.
The other alpha, beta, and omega gods have gathered in satin and lace dresses and robes.
They are drinking and dancing, which in and of itself is unusual.
The music is polite and friendly. How can music be polite?
I'm not even sure, but it is. Everything about this place is just… contrived.
This is not what I wanted, I think again in despair.
That yearning fills my chest again, and I see wild, tangled forests, an immense landscape with people who frown and get mad, who shout and cuss. And this woman, this faceless omega who holds a hand out to me, smiling like she’s happy to see me.
I force a polite smile at the omega who bounces up to me. She says something and runs off, tipping her drink all over the floor. Even the Summer Alpha is smiling, and he’s known for his seriousness. It’s all very perplexing.
“Here, have a drink,” the High Beta says with deep loathing as she glares at the dancers.
I take the goblet and drink deeply. Even the wine is tasteless and watery now. I drain the cup just so I can hand it off. A server takes it and disappears just as quickly.
The Omega of Spring bobs her head and titters at me as she spins by into the arms of the Alpha of Joy.
“You aren’t happy here, are you, Alpha?” Beta says at my side. Her affinity is pride, but I have only seen glimmers of it in her nature. She waves at someone but keeps pace with me. “It’s obvious; you have always been restless and unsettled. I’ve always wondered why.”
I glance at her sharply. “I’m happy enough.”
“I can see through your unhappiness; you want adventure.” She laughs, and it’s so strange that I’m instantly wary. “You want to go to Earth? Play a game? We can just go and have a quick look. From the viewing rock.”
Her words freeze me into stone. She turns back, an eyebrow raised, a small smile on her red lips. We alone are still in this room of chaos.
What is she suggesting?
The rock is the only place we can stand on Earth without imploding something or ripping our powers out of us. But standing in the world where she is? It’s forbidden. The thought seizes me, whirling around and around in my brain.
I could just bend the rules, just this once.
I can’t pass that temptation up, especially not tonight.
Three thousand years?
Yes, I want that.
“We shouldn’t,” I say, but I’ve already made my decision.
She steps sideways, her eyes flashing coldly at an omega that bounces past. The Beta Goddess alone is still. She doesn’t sway or dance; her smile is cold and her eyes hard as she surveys our fellow gods.