Chapter 41
Dreams and nightmares
Jarek
In his dreams
Present
The woman standing beside me staring at the tent I grew up in is not someone I know, but I recognise her anyway. Even in my dreams, my loathing is hard to hide.
“It looked much less run down when I lived here,” I say conversationally, watching her like a hawk.
“Did it? Or did you just think that it was home and accept all the broken pieces?”
“Oh, Touché. Perhaps it wasn’t as broken as we thought. Perhaps it was a good home. I had two parents who loved me.”
When she smiles, I can see her dimples. “You are something special, Alpha.”
“Are you here to give me a mission that will hurt my omega? If so, I’m telling you now you are barking up the wrong tree.”
“A fascinating idiom considering dogs have long since vanished in this world.”
I snort out a laugh. She’s old, but she’s still sharp.
“My mother used to say it all the time, apparently staring at my childhood home is bringing back memories.”
She doesn’t look at me, but I take note of the grey dress, simply tied with a brooch of an open eye at her shoulder.
“Your hostility is noted. You feel protective of her; this is good. It will help her in the coming trials.”
That just enrages me. I whirl on her, furious; fire dances out of the corner of my eye.
“What happened to her, what almost happened to her—”
“Is so much less than what would have happened if your alpha had not made the hard choice. She would have died in agony, Jarek. And alone because you three would have been dead or trapped. No one would have been there to witness her screams, and the world would have fallen not long after.”
I grind my teeth, frustrated all over again. “Who are you to even know? What is all this?”
She turns away. “Walk with me.”
“Where are we walking?” I snap back.
She laughs. “You haven’t changed at all, Alpha. It’s uncanny that you are exactly as you were when we first met. You argued with me then, too.”
I do follow her, though I’m not sure why. “When did we last meet? I don’t remember it.”
“No, you wouldn’t. But that’s part of why I’m here.”
The landscape changes, and I walk over a slight hill of the softest grass that is coloured gold and green. We’re suddenly on a path, and on that path are golden pedestals with flames shooting out of them.
It’s like a dream I almost remember.
“Where are we?”
“This is your home. Don’t you recognise it?” Her tone is almost mocking.
I stare at it, ignoring her, and, though I feel a flicker of something, I shake my head, defiantly refusing to acknowledge her crazy implication.
“Nope. You’ve got the wrong person.” I walk towards the flames and wave my hand through them. “Not even real fire.”
“Or maybe it’s that fire doesn’t burn you. And I don’t have the wrong person.”
“Yep, pretty sure you do. If I’d have lived here, I would have remembered it,” I say confidently, flicking her an eat-shit grin.
“Ah, so you don’t remember your sister, Sorcha?”
The name pulls me up. I gaze over her shoulder, my stomach churning, trying to swallow. “How did you know about that?”
“Your sister? Well, I know her.”
“I don’t have a sister. She was imaginary. I thought I did, but I didn’t,” I spit out furiously. “She wasn’t real!”
“You have always had a sister, Alpha. One that you were close with, one who loved you so much she hid the fact that you left and lied to the Petition of Gods to protect you.”
I shake my head, but I hear a laugh in my mind bursting out of memory, a woman’s and not one I know. But then it becomes familiar, rich and warm. I hear her shouting and laughing. Teasing me.
“No!” I say, but I lack conviction.
She extends her arm, and I see a faceless red-haired man running barefoot holding the hand of a woman with hair only slightly lighter than his. She is exactly how I imagined her in my human life. My dad used to get so mad at me for insisting I had a sister, for telling everyone about Sorcha.
The vision fades, and I have to resist shouting at her to bring it back.
“If she’s so real, where is she?” I snap, sure I’ve outsmarted the prophet this time.
“Do you think that love can exist if you don’t remember loving someone?” she asks cryptically.
My chest clenches. “Yes, I know that love can exist if you don’t remember someone. You feel it; it lives inside of you, in your dreams and everything that makes you you.”
She cocks her head to the side. “I was wrong; you have changed.”
“Are you going to tell me why I’m here, with you invading my dreams?”
She sighs, and the world changes again. Now we’re standing inside a building with gold trim that is reflecting the light of a massive fire.
The height of the ceilings alone is intimidating, but everything about this place, from the hand-woven rugs, to the gold-shot wooden floorboards speaks of wealth and power.
A version of me that is so much more than I could ever be is sitting on a throne of fire.
“Why should I believe you? What makes you think I would give up all of this to go to the mortal realm?” He snorts a laugh, and I can see myself in his sarcastic and dangerous humour.
The ageless woman with silver hair in front of him just smiles benignly and lifts her chin a little bit, not at all intimidated even when flames shoot, spilling onto the wood floor and leaving them blackened.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Sorcha, a lovely, lithe woman with fire-flecked hair that hangs to her waist, watching from a doorway.
“The world needs you. The humans need you,” the goddess says and stamps her staff, making it ring throughout the hall.
The god me shakes his head, laughing with genuine mirth. “The world doesn’t need me. I’d just set it on fire and watch it burn for giggles.”
I hear the whisper of a shoe behind me and turn. She’s wearing a deep blue velvet cape with her head covered, but my heart almost explodes in my chest.
“No,” I whisper. “No, what did you do?”
I turn back and find the me on the throne arrested, too. Captivated. Mesmerised. He stands up and steps down the three steps of his dais, forgetting about everyone else.
“No, we don’t have scent matches; it's not possible,” he whispers, but her scent is affecting him; his expression turns from disbelief to one of wonder. He reaches out a hand to her.
The woman smiles knowingly, and I realise that she and the weather-lined woman beside me are one and the same. I stare at her, the one beside me, this dreamwalker, as I try to come to terms with what I’m seeing.
“It’s rare. The gods are not so blessed, but there have always been exceptions.”
She brushes the goddess’ hood back, and though I was expecting to see Kaida, it still blows me away. Her goddess’ form is so beautiful I drop to my knees, staring up at her.
“Kaida,” I whisper in awe.
The god version of me reaches out, not quite daring to touch her.
“Are you real?” he whispers.
“I am.”
“Your omega has decided to go to Earth and become their champion.”
It takes a moment, but his head jerks away from the omega and stares at the other goddess. Fire explodes in the room, scorching the ceiling.
“You…you can’t. You can’t take her. No.”
“She’s going. It’s a done deal. The Petition of Gods has already decided.”
He blinks, and tears fill his eyes. I can see how quickly he’s thinking it through, and I know the answer before he even opens his mouth. Because it’s my answer. It will always be my answer.
“I will go.”
“NO!”
Sorcha runs out and slams into her brother. Into me.
“No, you can’t leave me.”
The god version of me has no words, but I can feel his agony.
“You will stay, Sorcha. You have your own journey now,” he says gently to her. “Just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean we aren’t connected. We will always be family, no matter where we are.”
My double and I both turn to the women who brought this down upon us.
“How can you be so cruel?” I whisper at the same time as the god version of me does.
“I do what I must to maintain the best interests of all the beings who exist in all the worlds,” the All-Seer and the prophet say at the same time.
He turns to our sister and takes her hands. “I will love you forever and a day. No matter how far away I am or what happens to me, I will always love you.”
She sobs and throws herself into his arms.
Kaida…no, the omega goddess is full of a dignified pain that she is hiding. I think most people would assume she is cold, but I can see her tremble.
This omega is glass, strong and tempered. Kaida is shattered shards put back together but never giving a clear picture. The Luna Goddess that is living in my world is a mere shadow of herself.
What have they done to her?
“Kaida is losing herself,” I say quietly. “I can see it now.”
“Pain and hate can poison even the strongest of souls. This is why I came for you and the other.”
“Others, you mean?” I correct.
She doesn’t answer me; instead watches their sad goodbyes.
The world around us melts away, and I find myself standing in a house with mint green cupboards.
“Where are we?”
Kaida walks out, laughing. Mordecai chases after her, grabbing her hip and dragging her back into his body, kissing his way up the side of her neck.
“Where are you going, my love?”
Another version of me comes out of the bedroom and presses up against Mordecai, leaving open-mouthed kisses down his shoulder.
“I wasn’t finished with either of you,” I purr.
We sink to the floor, and it changes again. Kaida is in a dress that covers her from head to toe. She’s still her, and she walks hand-in-hand with another me through a forest.
“We find each other. Every time?” I ask the prophet, watching it unfold.
“Yes, I made sure that you would.”
“So, it works out, then? I say in relief. “We’re happy. Look at us.”
She doesn’t say anything.
We walk along, following the couple until they meet up with Mordecai, who is out of breath and shouts for them to run. They refuse to leave him, I knew they would as soon as he started yelling.
He’s dragging a leg behind him, sweat beaded on his brow.
It’s like the sound has been turned down on the world. He’s shouting and pointing, but I can’t hear anything.
A pack of alphas race towards them, aggressive and violent. They attack, but there are so many of them.
Mordecai tries to hold them off, but they rip his throat out. It’s sudden and quick. He’s alive one minute, then he’s not.
Kaida tries to get to me, but we’re separated by too many of them, she is stabbed in the back, blood explodes out of her mouth, the version of me that isn’t me holds her, screaming. The alphas howl in triumph.
She’s yanked from his arms and falls to the ground. He doesn’t even try to dodge the blow that cuts him down.
We jerk into another world, and this time, it’s a territory dispute. There is a massive war. We’re astride massive war horses.
Mordecai charges down; but the mass of people pull him off his horse. I feel him die, like their bonds are mine and in me. I don’t realise I’m crying until I swipe at my cheek, brushing the tears away.
Kaida screams his name and races towards him, only to have a spear puncture through her chest, carrying her down to the shouting crowd.
This time, I’m alive a few seconds longer, and I see a strange white shimmer that pulses out of her body.
“What was that?” I ask the prophet who is standing silent beside me.
“That is the gift I helped her shape. Her deadly weapon and the reason why she is here.”
The lives we’ve lived flicker past, faster and faster. I gasp, staggering, appalled as the visions become memories.
She takes my hand, but I’m too stunned to pull away. “Come, Alpha, there is something I need to tell you, and then you will have a choice to make. But this time, there will be no forgetting. You will remember who and what you are when you wake up.”
I stare at the tent I grew up in. The world seemed so huge back then, but it was so small. This yard, this shitty tent. It was my everything.
“What happened to Sorcha?” I ask quietly.
“Your sister fell with the other gods,” she murmurs softly. “I’m sorry.”
“She’s gone? All these years of missing a memory that wasn’t even mine, and she was gone. She needed me, and I wasn’t there?”
“But the world needs you now. All of them. It’s your choice, everything, all your decisions, no one can force you or make you. I offer only guidance and tell you what I see. You will remember everything now. Choose what you divulge carefully.”
“Did you know all this was going to happen when you recruited us?”
She doesn’t answer, but when I turn to find her, she’s already gone.
I go into the tent and sit on my bed, finding the carved image on the stone floor of me and my sister who never existed in this life.
I put my head down between my knees, and I cry.
I cry for all of us.