13. Rami
Rami
Twenty-four hours later, I was still kicking myself for touching Ethan.
I’d known the second I did it that I’d crossed a line. But somewhere amid all the banter, the line had become blurred. For me, at least. Or maybe it had never been clear in the first place. How could it be when Ethan was my mate? The other half of my soul?
It wasn’t a surprise that I’d lost control for a second. Especially not with the easy way Ethan met me comment for comment. His sense of humour was so similar to my own. With each morsel of knowledge he dropped during the shoot, I became more and more aware of how right we’d be together.
But Ethan wasn’t single. He needed the lines to exist. Clearly.
And I had to respect that.
I spent the rest of the shoot on my best behaviour. Ethan seemed more distant as well. From how often he touched his lip, I knew he was thinking about it too. About the line I’d crossed.
I thought about it all night as I hovered above his home. Noah and Jeremiah were in the skies too, holding a half-mile-wide perimeter around Ethan’s home. Back at the compound, Nate was working his tech magic to try and track Damien down. Sebastian was right; he was an elusive motherfucker.
We weren’t taking any chances. Ethan had been guarded since the instant I’d realised the danger Damien presented. I had no idea what he wanted with my mate, but whatever it was, he wasn’t going to get it.
I was fucking grateful that Ethan had agreed to three more shoots. Guarding him at the compound was far easier. Sure, it was a logistical nightmare making sure Gloria didn’t discover his visits, but everyone was working together to make it happen.
We couldn’t maintain it forever though, which didn’t leave me with a lot of options. I couldn’t come clean about my true nature and ask Ethan to be my mate when he was in love with someone else. And I couldn’t keep him safe inside his current home.
Right now, I was just taking things a day at a time.
My phone was in my hand all night as I waited on tenterhooks for a message from Sam telling me Ethan had cancelled. That I’d made him so uncomfortable that he didn’t want to work with me again.
Thankfully, my phone remained quiet.
My muscles were rigid as I stood by my car, waiting for him to appear. Just like yesterday, I held my breath until Ethan stepped over the wards.
A flood of tension left me and I didn’t have to force a smile to my face. “Good morning.”
Ethan’s face fell, tugging my heart down with it. “Morning.”
“Is everything okay?” I asked. “Are you comfortable with me driving you?”
He blinked in surprise. “Oh, yes. Of course. I just realised that, if you’re here, it means Sam’s having a bad day again, which sucks.”
I smiled, both in relief, and at how empathetic Ethan was. “He’s fine today, but Ez figured it was best he didn’t push himself too hard, so I offered to collect you instead.”
“Well, thank you,” Ethan said. I opened the door for him and he blushed. God, who knew freckles could be so cute? “A gentleman, I see.”
I cursed internally. Had I not done this every time?
Head in the game, Rami.
It was on the tip of my tongue to make a quip about how ungentlemanly I could be, but that was exactly the kind of line I shouldn’t be crossing. Forget lines. I needed four-foot-thick steel walls in place to stop myself fucking this up.
“I got some amazing shots yesterday,” Ethan said as I started the engine. “Can’t wait to start editing. That’s what I’m going to do this weekend.”
I clicked my tongue. “Working on a weekend?”
“Not all of us have the luxury of picking and choosing our hours,” Ethan teased, poking me in the ribs.
A vision flashed through my mind. One where I tackled Ethan onto a soft surface and tickled him in revenge until he begged me to stop. Until he begged me to make him moan in other ways.
“Please tell me you have some non-work plans,” I said, my voice not betraying the lust now roaring through me. “Something fun. Anything.”
“Editing is fun,” he said lightly. “I’m going to order Thai food on Saturday night. That’s my little treat.”
I tried to puzzle out what was bothering me so much. “Does your boyfriend work weekends?”
“No, but he’ll be out with his friends. He always is.”
There was a note in his voice that I hadn’t heard before. Ice. My instincts homed in on it. “Do you not go out with him and his friends?”
Ethan turned his face to the window, but even so, there was no missing the tension in him. “They’re his friends, not mine.”
That told me everything I needed to know.
I turned down the driveway towards the house. “I’m sorry, Eth.”
He whipped his head around. “For what?”
I shrugged. “Just seems like he’s not appreciating you. It’s fine to have friendships and hobbies outside of your relationship. Healthy, even. But not if it comes at the expense of your partner’s needs and well-being.”
Ethan blew out a long breath. “You know, I should tell you to keep your bloody nose out of my business. That you don’t know anything about my relationship, and even if you did, it’s got fuck all to do with you.”
“But?”
“But…” He sighed, shaking his head. “But I’m tired, Rami. Sometimes I’m so fucking lonely that I put the TV on just to have some background noise. The conversations we’ve had over the last few days have been the most I’ve spoken to anyone in months. Dave included.”
I had to physically force my body to stay relaxed. I couldn’t let it show how much his words affected me. “You deserve better, Ethan.”
“Some days I agree with you.”
“And on those other days?”
“On others I remind myself that I’m lucky to have what I do.” He spoke so quietly that I would’ve missed it if I had human senses. “That what Dave gives me, what he’s given up for me, I can’t ever repay.”
I was quiet as I pulled into the garage, waiting until I opened the door for Ethan to speak. I wanted to be face-to-face with him. For him to not only hear what I had to say, but to listen. “I don’t know what you’re referring to, but can I give you some advice?”
I hoped he said yes, because I was giving it either way.
One corner of his mouth twisted up in a wry smile, almost as if he knew. “Go for it.”
“Being in a relationship isn’t about keeping score,” I said steadily. “Whatever happened in the past shouldn’t outweigh what’s going on in your present. You deserve happiness, Ethan. Everyone does.”
There was a sheen over his eyes that broke my heart. He cleared his throat, blinking rapidly as his gaze turned downwards. “Thanks, Rami. I think I needed to hear that.”
What he needed was a hug. Or me as his mate. If he was mine, he wouldn’t ever feel loneliness again.
An idea came to me. What if there was a way I could have a permanent place in his life that didn’t involve a bond he wouldn’t want? After all, we could only keep up the photo shoots for so long before Ethan became suspicious.
I gave him a lopsided grin before repeating what he’d said to me the first time we met. “I could always use more friends.”
“You?” Ethan let out a watery chuckle. “Based purely on the number of cars in this garage, I think you’re doing alright.”
“I have a lot of friends.” I put my hands in my pockets to keep from touching him. “And I’d like to count you as one of them. If that’s something you’d be okay with.”
Ethan shifted on the spot. “What would that involve?”
My heart cracked a little. Just how long had it been since Ethan had experienced something as simple as true friendship? He’d had it once upon a time. That was what the photo of him, Lucky, Riley and Matty suggested, anyway. How had they let Ethan slip out of their lives?
I tilted to nudge my elbow against his shoulder. “I’m thinking some hangouts that don’t involve either of us working. We can hit a bar, an escape room, theatre, anything really. Or just chill here. Whatever you fancy.”
A slow breath rattled from Ethan’s lungs. “That sounds…fucking awesome. All of it.”
“Good.” I grinned broadly. “Can friendship also involve hugging? Because you look like you could use one.”
Being an angel, I’d never felt fire in my veins. But when Ethan’s head fell back and he laughed loudly, I knew what it must feel like. The sound rearranged everything I held dear until this man was at the centre.
“Sure.” He was still chuckling. “A hug would be great. No inappropriate touching though.”
“Boo.” I pouted. “Spoil my fun, why don’t you.”
Ethan stepped into my open arms and I slowly closed them around him. “I’m guessing friendship comes with a side of flirty banter.”
“It doesn’t have to,” I said, drawing him nearer. “I can behave.”
Ethan’s arms wrapped around my middle, his hands settling on either side of my spine. “No, you can’t. But it’s okay. I like you just as you are.”
I like you just as you are.
How was it possible to feel pure joy and pure anguish in the same moment?
My eyes drifted closed as his head rested against my chest. He was tucked under my chin, fitting in my arms like he’d been designed to.
Because he was.
“You’re right,” he murmured, leaning further into my embrace. “I really needed this.”
“I think I needed it too,” I rumbled, my thumbs stroking his sides. “Did you know, you need to have four hugs a day just to survive?”
“Really?”
“Apparently.” I hadn’t loosened my hold yet. I couldn’t bring myself to. Ethan didn’t appear to want to move either. “Then I think it’s eight for maintenance, and twelve for growth.”
“Well, fuck. There’s no hope for me. I must be at minus a thousand at this point.”
Another emotion decided to join the little party I had going on. Fury—one I was well familiar with. I wanted to find this Dave and wring his sodding neck for neglecting Ethan the way he had. “Guess I’ll just have to up your quota.”
“Guess you will,” Ethan said before pulling out of my arms. The sigh he gave as he did so went a little way to easing the loss. He didn’t want to leave my arms any more than I wanted to let him. “But I suppose we need to switch back to work mode now before Sam fires me.”
Hilarious. He could present Sam with stick version drawings of me and he’d still have a job. “Yeah. This chest isn’t going to oil itself.”
There was that laugh again. The one that gave me hope. Purpose. “I think you’ll find that’s exactly what’s going to happen, mister. There’ll be no oiling from me.”
“Maybe one day.” I nudged him with my elbow again. “Until then, I’ll just stare mournfully at you while slowly massaging it into my skin.”
He didn’t laugh that time. Instead, his eyes lingered on my chest as his cheeks heated.
“Ethan?”
He jolted, carding a hand through his hair. “Sorry, my mind wandered.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. I shouldn’t be encouraging Ethan’s attraction, not when he was with someone else. I couldn’t discourage it though. The odds of this man ever being mine were slim, but they weren’t none.
I’d cling to that until the day Ethan died, taking my existence with him.