24. Ethan
Ethan
The following day whizzed past in a flurry of spa treatments and a spoon carving activity during which I’d managed to fashion a slightly absurd gargoyle.
The evening was spent at the Fire Feast, which, as Rami had predicted, involved a big fire and lots of feasting.
I ate so much that Rami offered me a piggyback to the cottage.
Before, I would’ve protested that he couldn’t possibly hold my weight for that length of time.
After yesterday, I knew better.
We hadn’t shied away from touching one another. Lazy kisses over breakfast. Exchanging blow jobs in the shower. Cuddles whenever one of us stopped moving long enough for the other to grab him.
We’d even slept in a makeshift bed for the past two nights, out on the deck. With nothing above us but the stars, we’d whispered until the moon was low on the horizon and sleep beckoned.
What I loved most of all were the casual touches.
The caresses when we passed one another in the cottage.
How Rami leaned into me as we waited for the spoon carving to start.
The ease with which he’d tugged me onto his lap at the Fire Feast when the log became too uncomfortable for my sore arse, despite the cushion he’d brought along.
It made me realise how touch starved I was. The easy affection that had been missing from my life for far too long.
Far longer than it should’ve been, now that I thought about it.
What I hadn’t thought about was what came next. Unfortunately, real life arrived in the form of a mandatory checkout time the next morning.
I pouted at Rami as he loaded our things into the car. We didn’t have much, mainly the clothes we’d arrived in and the few bits he’d picked up at the supermarket on our first day. “I don’t want to go.”
Rami paused, raising a brow at me. “Just say the word, and I’ll go extend our visit.”
“No, we can’t.” I sighed, moving until I was leaning against him. Just as I’d hoped, he wrapped his arms around me. I didn’t know why, but whenever he held me like this, it was a little easier to breathe. “I have a hospital appointment soon, and your phone keeps blowing up.”
“They can wait,” Rami groused, even as his phone started to buzz again in his pocket. “You come first, Eth. Whatever you want to do, I’m game.”
I kissed his lips softly. “The past few days have been perfect, but I can’t keep hiding.”
He frowned, and I instinctively knew he was going to say that I could. That he’d make it so I could hide for as long as I wanted to.
But that wasn’t fair on him. He had a life too, as his still-buzzing phone could attest to. And I didn’t want to miss my hospital appointment. I needed the reassurance that my bloods were normal. That they hadn’t made a fuck-up when declaring me cancer-free.
Even if I still couldn’t understand how such a thing was even possible.
“Answer your phone, Rami.” I patted his vibrating jacket pocket. “I’ll go do a final sweep of the cottage.”
“Fine,” he muttered. “But don’t think leaving here means getting rid of me.”
I laughed. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
There was no removing my ridiculous smile as I returned to the cottage. I knew we hadn’t left anything behind, but I wanted to give Rami privacy for his call. Plus, I wanted a final moment to take in this place. This haven we’d shared.
Where we’d shared each other.
I was standing by the table, now free of any evidence of how Rami fucked me there, when hands settled on my stomach.
Rami nuzzled my neck. “How do you smell so good?”
I turned in his grip to grin up at him. “I mean, we’ve been using the same toiletries the past few days, so I probably smell the same as you.”
“Not true. You smell like jasmine at the end of a hot summer’s day.”
That was so oddly specific that it had my throat thickening. “Thank you.”
He kissed me, his lips lingering like he was reluctant to pull away. I knew I was.
“I guess we need to leave,” he said finally. “I don’t want to, but there’s some stuff back home that needs my attention.”
“It’s fine.” I smoothed my hands over his shirt. “I’ve demanded far too much of your time already.”
“Baby, you can demand all of my time as far as I’m concerned.”
My breath caught in my throat. We were meant to be casual. Friends with benefits.
Nothing about this felt casual.
Worse, I wasn’t sure I even wanted it to.
“But sadly, we should get back.” He sighed. “What appointment do you have?”
“Just blood tests. A check-up.” I stiffened as I spoke, fear creeping up my spine.
Rami ran his hand down it, like he could sense it and was defending me against it. “You don’t have anything to worry about.”
“You can’t know that,” I said, stepping out of his arms. At least, I tried to, but Rami held me stubbornly tight. “Pretending it’s magically gone forever isn’t good for me.”
He bit his lip, almost like he was wrestling with himself over something. When he finally did speak, I had a feeling it wasn’t what he’d originally wanted to say. “Can I come with you?”
I blinked in surprise. “You want to come with me?”
“Yes.” He nodded firmly. “I do.”
“It’s just blood tests. And it’ll be a lot of waiting around as they’re usually running behind.”
“I don’t care,” Rami said. “If it’s something you’re worried about, I don’t want you going through it alone.”
“I’m not worried about having blood taken.”
“No, but you’re worried about the results.”
I couldn’t deny that.
“And I imagine being back there isn’t going to be easy,” Rami continued. “Please? Let me be there for you, Eth.”
“Okay,” I found myself saying. “That would be great. Thank you.”
The problem with leaving didn’t hit me until we were about an hour outside of London. “Oh, fuck!”
“What?” Rami’s head whipped around in alarm, like he was expecting an axe murderer to have appeared. “What’s wrong?”
“Fuck,” I repeated, sinking down in my seat. “Sorry. I just realised I don’t have anywhere to go. I can’t go back to Dave’s.”
It had never felt like my home. And now, knowing my replacement was probably there?
Yeah, that was a hard pass.
Rami was quiet for several seconds. “Well—”
“Nope.” I shot a finger up over his grinning lips. “You’re absolutely not going to suggest I move in with you, Rami. I’ve made several leaps the last few days, but that would take the biscuit.”
He nipped lightly at the end of my finger. “Actually, I was going to say that some friends of mine are looking for a housemate.”
“Oh.” I turned my head towards the window, praying Rami hadn’t spotted my now-flaming cheeks. Of course he hadn’t been about to suggest I move in with him. We were friends, for fuck’s sake. I was reading into things. Again.
“Ethan.”
“Yeah?” I kept my gaze fixed out the window.
He palmed the back of my neck, squeezing lightly. “Eth, look at me.”
Reluctantly, I turned my head to face him.
He wasn’t watching the road; his warm brown eyes fixed on me.
“Trust me, if I got to choose, my place would be the one I was suggesting. But you are just out of a long-term relationship. Not only that, but you’ve been given this brand-new future you weren’t expecting.
I won’t lie to you—I want you, Ethan. What I don’t want is to rush you into anything.
I want you to be with me because you’re choosing to be, not because you feel like you don’t have another option. ”
I blinked away the heat gathering behind my eyes and tried to remind myself that we hadn’t known each other that long. Which seemed ridiculous, given how comfortable I already felt with him. “You’re too perfect. You know that, right?”
He smiled, squeezing my neck once more before letting go. “Keep believing that and everything will be grand.”
“So, tell me about these friends of yours,” I said, getting the conversation back on course. “Are they actually looking for a housemate, or are you just determined to make it happen?”
Rami grinned and didn’t deny it. “There’s three of them and they live right around the corner. Nox and Jeremiah used to live there, but since they moved into our place, they’ve got two rooms empty.”
I winced. “If they’re that close to you, I doubt it’s in my price range.”
“It’s definitely in your price range,” Rami said as he pulled off into the services. “They don’t need the money, so the rooms are priced cheap.”
“Then why are they still empty?”
Rami parked and turned the engine off. “They’re…picky about who they let in.”
The little hope I had left me. “That’s me fucked, then.”
“Why?”
I gestured at myself. “I’ve only been back in the country just over a year. I have nobody to provide me with a reference.”
“On the contrary,” Rami said, opening his door. “You’ve got me. Trust me, my recommendation is all you’ll need.”
Aquick phone call from Rami while we were stopped at the services cemented it. I had an interview with his friends for a room in a house.
Rami was keen to insist it wasn’t an interview, but really, what else could it be?
They were going to be sizing me up, deciding whether my personality was one they could stand to be around twenty-four seven, trying to figure out whether I had any heinous bad habits, like helping myself to other people’s food or staying up until 2 a.m. playing garage music.
To be clear, I didn’t do either of those things. I liked to think I was pretty easy to live with.
Then again, Dave had decided to cheat on me, so maybe I wasn’t.
“Don’t worry about them,” Rami said as we were on the outskirts of London. I hadn’t told him about my building anxiety, but he read me too well. It should have scared me given the short time I’ve known him, but it didn’t. “If anything, this is about them winning you over, not the other way around.”
My nose wrinkled. “I thought they weren’t desperate for tenants?”
“They’re not, but they’re desperate not to upset my housemates. Especially Sam.”
I recalled how the twins had recoiled under the smaller man’s glare and laughed. “He definitely has that almost teacher-like aura about him.”
“He’s a force to be reckoned with. But so are you—don’t you forget that.”