39. Ethan
Ethan
After getting Quill settled on his video call with Dr. Tyler, I let myself out of the front door. I’d shot a text to Rami telling him I was going to walk to his, but I strongly suspected he’d appear before I got too far.
What I wasn’t expecting was for him to drop from the sky before I’d even taken a single step.
“Jiminy fucking cricket,” I cried, clutching at my chest as I glared up at Rami. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”
“Sorry.” He grinned, not looking anything of the sort. “Is this a good time to point out that you technically can’t have a heart attack now?”
“Tell that to my pulse, because it’s currently trying to beat out of my neck,” I muttered before sighing and going up on my toes. “Hi.”
“Morning.” He kissed me. “I didn’t mean to scare you; I was just too excited to wait.”
“How’d you get here so fast?”
“Technically, I was already here. Have you not been up to the roof yet? There’s a little garden up there.”
I stared at him. “Please tell me you didn’t spend the entire night sat on the roof.”
He winced, rubbing a hand over his head. “I mean, not the whole night. I couldn’t sleep and wanted to be closer to you. I was in a meeting with the Seraphim for a few hours.”
“Which means you got there at…?”
“Um, around 3 a.m.”
“Rami,” I groaned, shaking my head. “You must be exhausted. You should’ve come in.”
“Nah. Didn’t want to disturb Quill.” He took my hand and we started walking down the pavement, basking in the early morning sun. “Besides, I don’t need much sleep. I once stayed up for seven days straight. Barely felt anything.”
“Perks of being an angel,” I said wryly. “Is that why I don’t feel tired today?”
By all rights, I should have been shattered. I didn’t know what time I’d finally drifted off, but it had been long after Quill. He’d jerked awake many times before his body gave in and let him rest.
“I guess so,” Rami said thoughtfully. “My stamina will be affecting you now. But you should ask Sam—he’ll be able to tell you more about it.”
“Why him in particular?”
“Because he’s human. Found out about angels in a pretty fucked-up way, too. Out of everyone, he’ll understand what you’re going through.”
“Huh. Did he know I was your mate when he met me?”
Rami nodded. “They all did. Couldn’t exactly hide it when I arrived home covered in your blood.”
I guessed we were going there. “What happened the day you met me, Rami?”
His lips thinned as he stared down the street. “I can tell you, or if you’d like, I can show you.”
“How?”
I could feel his anxiety through the bond. His fear that whatever he was going to say next was going to change my feelings towards him.
“Hey,” I said softly. “You can tell me anything, Rami.”
His eyes were bleak as they met mine. “I don’t want you to hate me.”
“Nothing you say will make that happen. I can’t promise not to be angry, upset, or even pissed off, but I’ll never hate you. It’s not possible.”
The anxiety lessened. It didn’t vanish, but my words seemed to have gone a long way in reassuring him. “After we met, I compelled you into forgetting it. I can lift it now, if you like. Then you’ll remember it.”
My throat bobbed a few times. “You messed with my mind?”
“Yes.” Shame flooded the bond. “It was for your own good, Ethan. I hated doing it, but I didn’t have a choice.”
“Okay.” I decided to reserve judgement until I had the memory back. “To be clear, I don’t want you doing that ever again, regardless of the reason.”
“I couldn’t even if I wanted to. Which, to be clear, I don’t. You can’t be compelled once you’ve been marked. It’s part of the reason why I did it in the first place.”
“But you can lift it?”
“I think so.” He frowned. “Even if I can’t, someone back at the compound will be able to. If not, I can always call Ferry.”
The name rang a bell in the back of my mind. It was too unique a name for it to be a different man from the one I once knew. “Ferry? As in, Leo’s partner, Ferry?”
“One and the same,” Rami said. “It’s how I know them all. Do you want to know about that first, or how we met?”
I rubbed at my forehead. “Let’s start with Ferry and the others, because I feel like there’s a lot of shit I’m missing.”
As Rami filled me in on everything, my mind spun. He told me about how Dimitri used to be the second in the Seraphim. How he’d fallen in love with Dagon centuries ago, but they couldn’t be together.
Because Dagon was the son of Lucifer.
Along with Cal, Mori, and Harlow.
By the time he’d talked me through how they’d all found their mates, men I also knew, we’d reached the gates to the compound. Instead of heading to the house, we turned towards the woodland.
“As for Ferry,” Rami continued. “He was the Grim Reaper.”
I came to a halt. “What? But he’s so…”
“Good-looking?” Rami guessed wryly. “I know. It was a surprise to the rest of us too. Up until he came topside to find Leo, none of us had ever seen his face.”
I gave a slightly hysterical laugh. “All that time I was sick, I was terrified of meeting the Grim Reaper, and you’re telling me it’s Ferry? Sweet, kind, brother-in-law to Matty, obsessed with Leo Ferry?”
“One and the same. Although the legend of the Grim Reaper collecting souls is a bit misleading.” He went on to describe what Ferry’s role and story entailed. Mainly, the endless centuries he’d spent waiting to be reunited with Leo.
When Rami was done, I found myself wiping tears from my cheeks. “That’s so fucking sad.”
“It is. And the worst part is that no one knew except the angel who saved Leo in the first place. Ferry carried the weight of his burden alone.”
My heart ached for him. Thank fuck he was happy now. “Tell me about the others.”
Rami started with Toby and Blaise, like he knew hearing about my closest friends would be the hardest.
Sure enough, I cried several times when he finally got to Matty and Riley. Not just because their stories were sad, which they were, but because I’d missed out on it all. Even though I’d technically been there when everything went down between Matty and Sebastian, I hadn’t known the truth.
When he was done, Rami pulled me into his arms and held me as I broke. I didn’t know how long we stood there. He didn’t rush me, just let me grieve the friendships I’d lost. The lives I’d missed out on.
“I want to see them again,” I hiccupped eventually. “Not yet, but soon.”
“I can make that happen,” Rami said softly, drying my face with his sleeve. “As soon as you say the word, I’ll reach out. But until then, we’ll keep your identity quiet.”
“Thank you.” I took a deep breath. “Maybe you should unscramble my brain now, or whatever it is you need to do.”
“Sure now is the right moment?”
“Meh.” I shrugged, giving him a watery smile. “It’s like ripping off a plaster, right? Let’s get everything out in the open and then we can figure out how to move forward.”
“Before I do, I want to explain something. Angels can often…sense their mates when they’re close by. I’d been feeling you for months, but whenever I sought you out, there was something blocking me. For a long time, I couldn’t figure it out.”
“What was it?”
“Damien,” Rami said, making my stomach clench. He clucked his tongue as he felt my fear, tugging me against his chest and rubbing my back soothingly. “Don’t worry, he can’t hurt you or anyone else ever again. He’s very, very dead.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. The twins took charge. Even if they hadn’t used their powers to execute him permanently, I don’t think there was enough of him left to reincarnate.”
My nose wrinkled as I thought of the chaotic twins and their perpetually teasing nature. “Really?”
“Don’t let their fuckery fool you. They are just as vengeful as the rest of us, and arguably more violent.”
I leaned back to peer up at him. “You’re vengeful?”
“Very.”
“Then why did you leave Damien to the others?”
“Because you needed me more,” he said, brushing a curl from my forehead. “You come first, Ethan, always.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Tell me how Damien hid me from you.”
Rami explained about wards. That they’d surrounded not only the house I’d shared with Dave, but the hospital too.
I shivered. “He was…stalking me for that long?”
“Longer, we suspect. His sons theorised that he came across you in California and chose you as his next target before you even left.”
“Fuck, he really was insane.”
“He was,” Rami said grimly. “And because of him, you had to suffer far longer than necessary. If I’d found you when I first sensed you, you might not have needed chemo.”
“But you did find me,” I reassured him. “You saved me, Rami.”
“I saved the little girl in the hospital too,” he confessed in a whisper. “Don’t tell anyone—I’ll get into trouble. But I couldn’t help myself.”
Tears welled in my eyes. I didn’t need to ask who he was talking about. I knew. I even remembered what I’d said to him. “It’s not fucking fair, Rami. Why me? Why’d I get better instead of her?”
It was because of him. Because of Rami.
Because of him, that little girl would recover too.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I couldn’t let her suffer. I hate that I couldn’t do more.”
I wanted to ask him why not, what the limits were, and who exactly decided them, but those questions could wait for another time. “How did we meet?”
“You stepped over the wards,” Rami said quietly. “Right into the path of a bus.”
He touched my temple lightly. It was like he’d suddenly shone a light on a dark corner I hadn’t even known was there. The memory came screaming to the forefront.
The bus.
Pain.
A desperate voice begging me.
Then, opening my eyes to see an angel hovering over me.
“You saved me,” I said in awe. “Not just from the cancer. I was dying. Would have died.”
“Yes. But fate, or whoever it was, they led me right to you. I arrived just in time to heal you. I was so panicked that I didn’t even focus on what was wrong, just unleashed all the power I had.”
“I thought it was a nosebleed,” I said in disbelief. “I couldn’t understand why there was so much blood.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t my best cover story. But I was reeling; I needed to come up with something fast so I could leave as soon as possible.”
“Why would you need to leave…” My voice trailed off as I realised exactly why. “Fuck. Dave picked me up.”
Rami’s throat bobbed. “I wish I could say I didn’t stay to watch, but I did.”
“I’m sorry. I hate that you saw that.”
“It’s fine.”
I tapped on his chest. “You know I can tell you’re lying, right?”
He huffed, rolling his eyes. “Okay, it wasn’t fine, but we still ended up here, so I got over it.”
“There’s one thing I don’t understand,” I said slowly, replaying the memory in my mind. “Why’d you tell me we were mates and then compel me to forget?”
“Because I’m selfish,” he said bluntly. “I knew you were with someone else, but for a few minutes, I wanted you to know the truth. That you belonged with me.”
“Then why’d you compel me?”
He sighed, nodding towards the path. “Come on, it’s probably best if we move while I tell you the next part. I always get twitchy when I talk about Gloria.”
By the time he was done, I was twitchy too, practically bristling with rage at what this Gloria had put Sam and Ezekiel through. “What a fucking bitch.”
“That’s one way to put it. But that’s why I made you forget. If she got wind that you knew and weren’t my mate then she would’ve done something similar.”
I frowned. “I still don’t understand. Surely taking that risk would’ve been better than me not knowing who you were to me?”
“Better for me, sure. But not you. Not while you were with Dave.”
“Fucking Dave,” I grumbled. “If he’d had the balls to break up with me earlier, this wouldn’t have been an issue.”
“I’d really like to kill him.”
I laughed before realising he was serious. The sound died as he stared at me. “Rami, you can’t. That’s…”
“It’s how I feel,” Rami said roughly, wiping a hand over his face. “I told you we’re vengeful. The man left you alone when you needed him and cheated on you. I’d have ended his life just for breaking your heart.”
“He didn’t do that though.”
“No, what he did was worse,” Rami said bluntly. “I want to throttle him, quite literally.”
I felt the blood drain out of my face. “No, you can’t.”
“I know.” Rami palmed the back of my neck, pulling me close. “I know you wouldn’t want me to do that.”
“It’s not that I care about him,” I said, trying to search for the right way to express my thoughts.
“I don’t. But we did share some good times before everything went to shit.
I don’t like Dave, but I don’t want him to die.
He has family who love him. Friends. A full life.
Why should he lose it just because he fucked things up with me? ”
“Because he hurt you, baby.” Rami sighed. “But you don’t need to persuade me. Dave’s safe from me.”
“Really?”
“Of course.” He cocked his head to the side quizzically. “I might want to hurt him, but doing so would hurt you. I’ll never do that, Ethan.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you…” Rami hesitated before finishing his question. “Do you think you’ll speak to him again? Get closure or anything like that?”
I considered it before shaking my head. “Nah. Think I got all the closure I needed seeing him with someone else. Deep down, I can sort of understand that he thought he was doing what was best for me, but he should’ve told me the truth the second I was given the all-clear. That, I can’t forgive him for.”
“I won’t judge you if you change your mind,” Rami said lightly. “I’ll support you whatever you choose.”
“I choose you,” I said. “Every day, Rami. Your happiness comes above everything. Speaking to Dave will give him closure, not me. You’re the one I care about, not him.”
He blinked rapidly. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Putting me first,” he rasped. “No one’s ever done that before you.”
My poor, sweet, angel. He deserved the world and more. I was determined to give it to him. “You better get used to it, Rami, because I’ll be doing it every day.”