Untitled #2
"Oh. Yeah, yeah. I was wondering what was going on."
"Okay. What's up?"
"I wanted to know if you wanted to come over tonight."
"I don't know. I mean, we'll see each other on Saturday."
"I was kind of thinking we could see each other tonight as well. You know, get our fun times on a little earlier this week?"
"Kingston."
"If you are not interested in that, it's fine. I can call someone else. I just—"
"Excuse me?"
"I'm just joking," he says, though, for a few moments, I don't actually think he's joking.
"I heard back from Love is Blind," I blurt out, and I'm not sure why.
"Love is Blind. What's that?"
"The show I told you about, the dating show?"
"What dating show?"
"The dating show I told you I was applying to be on, because—"
"Oh, okay. So what about them?"
"I have an audition for the next step," I mumble.
"Oh," he says.
"And I have to let them know by tomorrow evening."
"Okay, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying, I'm wondering what you think I should say.
" I feel awkward and weird and uncomfortable as I stand here.
If he tells me not to move forward, I'll know that I mean something to him, that this is more than just a friends with benefits, let's-see-how-it-goes situation.
I'll know that he's falling for me like I've been falling for him.
"Is this something that you really want?"
"What do you mean?"
"What do you think I mean? Is this something that you really want?"
"I want a boyfriend. I want a commitment. I want to find the love of my life, yeah," I say honestly.
"Then I guess you should do it."
"Okay. I guess I will let them know. If I get on the show, will you allow me to take the time off, or will I have to reach out to HR?"
"If you get on the show, we can figure something out," he says. “It depends on how long you'll be away.”
"Okay, then. Fine. I will check when I have the audition." My heart feels sad that he doesn’t care enough to tell me not to do it.
"Okay, then. So, are you going to come over tonight?"
"You still want me to come over tonight?"
"I bought some anal beads and a butt plug for you."
I let out a sigh. "Really?"
"What? You liked the anal play that we did before, and I figured this was—"
"Sometimes, you just don't have a clue, do you, Kingston?"
"So you're saying you didn't like the anal play?"
"That's not what I'm saying. I just told you that I'm applying to be on a dating TV show and that I have an audition coming up and you're telling me that you want to fuck me up the ass."
"I mean, you didn't say you disliked it when I fucked you in any of the positions we have fucked in before or when I ate your ass out or—"
"You know what? I think I'm just going to go home tonight."
"We don't have to do fucking anal. I just thought it would be something new for you to try. Shit. When you go on that dating show, you can tell them you could teach them new tricks."
"Really?"
"What? I'm just saying, seeing as this is something you really want to do, and—"
"Who said this is something I really want to do? I was just mentioning—"
"I literally just asked you to come over tonight, and you start telling me about how you have an audition for a reality dating TV show.
Did I ask you about that? No. I just wanted to see you.
I missed you. I wanted to be with you tonight.
I wanted to touch you, and yet you just wanted to tell me about how you want to go out and fuck other men. "
"That is not how the conversation went, Kingston. I was just…" I pause. "You know what? Forget it. Look, I've got to go back inside. Juniper is waiting for me. I'll speak to you later, okay?"
"So, are you coming over tonight or not?"
"I'm not coming over tonight, Kingston. Bye."
I hang up and power my phone off. I'm infuriated, absolutely infuriated. I head back inside the restaurant, take a seat, and wait for Juniper to come back from wherever she has gone. "Hey, sorry about that." She smiles. "Just went to the restroom."
"No worries." I signal to the waiter. "Two more, please," I say loudly, and he nods.
"Hey…" She frowns. "Is everything okay?"
"I'm an idiot. Kingston is an idiot. I'm done. I'm absolutely fucking done. It's over."
"What's over?"
"Whatever the situation with him and me was, it's no longer going to happen."
"So you're not going over tonight or—"
"No, I'm not going over tonight. All he wanted to do was fuck me up the ass. Do I look like the sort of person that wants to be fucked up the ass every fucking night?" I go off and take a deep breath. "Sorry. I didn't mean to just start going crazy on you."
"It's okay, but I thought you said you enjoyed…" Her voice drifts off.
"It was fine. It felt different, and it's been nice experimenting with him, but I don't expect the man that I've been fucking for the past two months to tell me to go on a dating reality show and then, after he hears about the dating reality show, tell me about the other shitty-ass things he wants to do. " I wrinkle my nose. "Quite literally."
She giggles. "Do I want to know why that's literally?"
"No," I say, chuckling, and take a deep breath. "You know what, one piece of advice, Juniper?"
"Yeah?"
"One. Never, ever mess around with your boss."
"Oh. Trust me when I say that's not even going to be a problem." She laughs. "Remington Parker has never looked at me. I don't even know that he knows that I'm a woman. He would never want me."
"I'm just saying that if, at such a time, he does look at you and he does offer a proposition, and you are even tempted for a second, just say no. It is not worth it. I don't even want to go to work tomorrow, but I have to because I need the money."
"But I thought you had—"
"I quit my job on the weekends because I was spending all my time with fricking Kingston, and I can hardly be going on dates with Kingston and working bachelor parties at the same time, can I?"
"No," she says, shaking her head.
"And he keeps me so busy during the week that I haven't had time to get another job in the evenings." I sigh. "He's monopolized all my time, and for what? Just so that he can fuck me when he wants me?"
"But you liked spending time with him, right?"
"I did. I guess I'm just annoyed and frustrated.
" I can feel tears running down my face.
"I'm hurt. I feel stupid because I shouldn't be hurt.
I feel stupid, because he told me in the very beginning that this wasn't going to be anything.
I just didn't think he would so casually tell me to accept the offer to go on a dating show.
He didn't even hesitate. He didn't even say that he wouldn't be comfortable with it.
He basically was like, 'Good luck. I hope you meet the man of your dreams.' Like, stab me in the heart, why don't you? "
"You like him?" she asks.
I don’t answer her.
"You like him, like him. You love him."
I shrug and look away because the truth of the matter is that I realized, for a while, that I've been in love with him, but I ignored it because I knew my feelings meant nothing and could go nowhere.
Maybe a part of me hoped, in the back of my mind, that he was developing feelings for me as well.
But no man who was developing feelings for me would tell me to go on a dating show.
"I'm just a fucking idiot," I say. "I guess I fucked up again. "
"Hey. Don't be so down on yourself, Skye. It's not your fault that you fell for him."
"He warned me before we even started this arrangement, 'Don't fall for me.
Don't get any plans in your head that we're going to end up like Lila and Max because it's never going to happen,' and I got so upset.
I even went off on him, and look where we are.
I fell for him. I am an idiot. How can a man tell me, 'Don't fall for me,' and then I fall for him? "
"Because you just don't know what's going to happen in life, girl."
"I guess you're right. You just don't know." I shake my head. "I feel like a bit of a fool."
"You shouldn't. So, what are you going to do now?" she asks.
"What am I going to do now? I guess I'm going to go into work tomorrow morning and be the best actress I can fucking be.
I'm going to pretend I don't care that he doesn't care.
I'm going to pretend I'm excited for this audition, and I'm going to tell him that our fun dates and our fun nights are over.
So, if you want that makeover this weekend, it's on," I say.
"I don't even have to wait until next weekend. "
"Wait. Are you sure? I don't—"
"I'm sure. I can't continue like this. I was an idiot, Juniper.
I fell in love with my boss. I fell in love with the one man who told me, 'Do not fall in love with me.
You will never have a long-term relationship with me.
' I don't know how I could have been so stupid, and now I have to be the best actress of my life and pray that I do get onto Love is Blind and pray that I find someone that I can love and be with, at least fifty percent as much as I love to be with Kingston, because he's special. "
"I'm sorry," she says. "Maybe he…"
"Maybe he, nothing," I say. "It doesn't matter to me.
I was the dumb one. I know it was me, and I just have to move on with my life.
I'm not going to let him know what he's done to me.
I'm not going to let him know that I'm in love with him.
I'm not going to let him know that I wish that he and I could have a happily ever after. "