13. Chapter Thirteen #2
She shut her eyes, finding everything, especially the sight and smell of the bowl of water and blood, to be overwhelming.
“Is she ill?” the stryx man asked curiously, but not unkindly.
“No, she’s…she’s pregnant,” Turner explained. “About fourteen weeks along. I think it’s just a headache.”
“Oh, I see,” the man said.
“Here, drink some of this. The warm water might help you,” Kaya said, lifting the bowl of pine tea towards her.
“No!” Ena shouted, much too loudly. “No, thank you.” She paused, clearing her throat. “I’m fine.”
Turner side-eyed her again, clearly wondering what the fuck was up, but Ena did not have the wherewithal to discuss it right now.
Kaya took her over-the-top rejection of the tea in stride, and took a sip from the bowl herself, swallowing before refocusing her attention on Ena. “And this child…is this part of the reason you came to me?” she asked astutely. “You wanted protection for it as well?”
Ena nodded. They were getting dangerously close to a topic she didn’t even know how to begin to address, but she felt the inevitability of it coming, like a wave cresting the shore.
“And your child…does it happen to be part daemon as well?” Kaya asked, looking knowingly into Ena’s eyes.
She was certainly perceptive, Ena would give her that. Though she supposed the fact that she was here traveling with a daemon was kind of a giveaway that she was on friendly terms with them, just as Kaya had been.
Again, Ena nodded.
“I see,” Kaya said kindly. “And you must be the father?” she said, looking understandingly at Turner, whose eyes went even rounder than normal at the insinuation.
“No, actually,” Ena said, feeling the inevitable wave crash over her. It was time to stop dancing. “That would be your son, Ty.”
Kaya froze. “My son is the father?” she asked, and Ena almost felt bad for the shock of everything that this poor woman was about to experience, but somewhere in between the hallucination she’d experienced and this conversation, her emotions had shut down, and she felt almost nothing at all.
“Yes,” she said factually.
“You’re carrying my grandchild?” Kaya asked, as if struggling to truly comprehend what she’d been told.
“Yes,” Ena said again.
“I— Forgive me, I don’t quite know what to do with that information,” Kaya said, rubbing her forehead. Ena had sympathy for the woman, and fell silent while she processed it. “I don’t understand… Why is my son not here with you two then? Where is he? Back in the Underworld?”
Ena didn’t speak. She didn’t know how to. Talking about it—telling others—made it real, and she didn’t want it to be real, so she just looked at the ground, hoping the wave of grief that swept over her would go away. She focused on her breathing—in and out, in and out.
“He was lost on the journey here,” Turner said, speaking for her. “Swept away by the river.”
“He—he what?” Kaya said, her voice shocked and distraught, the emotion of it almost overwhelming to Ena, and she just wanted to shut her eyes and disappear.
“My heart’s blood,” the stryx man said, reaching out to grab Kaya’s hand in comfort. “I am here with you.”
“He’s lost? Are you sure?” Kaya asked, her voice choked, as if holding back tears.
“We looked for him for days. I’m—I’m so sorry you have to find out like this. But believe me, we would not have left if we had any hope of finding him,” Turner explained, his own voice heavy with sadness. “We are both still hurting deeply from his loss,” he added, looking over cautiously at Ena.
Kaya covered her mouth with her hand and silent tears began to fall down her face.
Then, suddenly, she let her hand fall, and she turned towards Ena, reaching out to grasp both her hands.
“I am so, so sorry for your loss, for both of you,” she said, glancing briefly at Turner.
“I cannot imagine the ordeal you all have been through, and…of course I will help you, in whatever ways I can. It’s the least I can do. ”
Ena met Kaya’s familiar gaze. It was full of sadness and kindness, regret and sincerity, and for a brief second, despite her grief, Ena felt comforted, like she often did in Greya’s presence. And she thought, this must be what it felt like to have a mother.
“I’m sure you two must be exhausted after such a long journey,” Kaya continued, clearly trying to compose herself, but Ena could see grief cracking at her self-control, just as it was at Ena’s. “You should rest, and we can talk more later.”
The stryx man lovingly put his arm around Kaya, supporting her as they stood. “I will bring them some food and make sure they are settled, my heart’s blood,” he said, and Kaya nodded in response.
“Thank you…?” Turner said, hinting for a name.
“Max,” the man responded. “And of course. Family of Kaya’s is family of mine.”
The two of them put their furs back on and left the tent, blessedly taking the tea with them. Max and Xoe returned a few minutes later with some dried venison, which Ena ate greedily, before going to lay down on one of the elevated sleeping platforms.
Now that she’d eaten, she physically felt much better, but as she lay there, their present surroundings and all that had happened began to sink in. She could hear Turner snoring already beside her, and she found herself glad for the solitude, because she needed to sort through her feelings.
It was bittersweet, being here. She was glad to have finally found the people they were looking for, and to have Ty’s mother’s help. There were so many more questions she needed the answers to, but at least this seemed like a safe place for them right now.
But Ty wasn’t here. Her mind still wanted to reject that thought. Because he should be here—to meet his mother, to see these people. How could he not be here? How could he still be gone?
All she’d done over the last several weeks was go over what had happened again and again, trying to understand it.
Talking to Greya had helped snap her out of her stupor and reminded her of her purpose, but it still didn’t make any sense—like her mind was trying to grapple with a loss so deep and profound, that it didn’t quite know how, so it rejected it.
In the back of her mind, she had convinced herself that maybe he was coming back.
She’d had to—to survive. Even without speaking it, she had clung to that hope.
It was why she had gotten mad at Turner when he’d insinuated that Ty was gone forever, and why it had felt impossible to tell Kaya what had happened.
But now, she suddenly saw things more clearly. She was doing herself and her baby no favors by clinging to the idea that he was coming back.
Because something was wrong with her. She’d been ignoring it, clinging to her sanity by a thread after losing Ty, and focusing only on surviving, but after today’s episode with the tea, she couldn’t deny it anymore.
Her strange cravings weren’t going away, and they were no longer limited to just Ty’s blood. They were getting worse.
Whatever was happening to her, or to her baby, she needed to figure it out. But she wouldn’t be able to do that with her head in the sand. She needed to be brave and face her reality, and that meant letting go of her delusional hope and facing the truth.
And the truth was, she didn’t have her husband anymore. And she never would again.