32. Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ena
They left a little over a week after the birth.
Their horses were well rested and prepared for the journey, and they were able to get enough successful hunts in so that everyone had some stores of blood and meat to travel with.
Ena knew they would never be fully prepared for the unknowns of the journey, but they were as prepared as they could be.
She found that she was simultaneously relieved and terrified to be going home, both because she was so excited to see her sister and her Coven again, but also because she had no idea what truly awaited them there—whether it would be a homecoming or just another hardship she’d have to face.
Whether they would be welcomed or rejected.
Those feelings of apprehension soon became secondary, however, as traveling on a horse when your most sensitive areas were still recovering from intense trauma was incredibly uncomfortable.
Not to mention, she was incredibly sleep-deprived.
She felt so painfully, consistently tired, it was as if she were moving through a reoccurring dream half the time.
Feed the baby. Try to sleep. Change the baby’s cloth diaper. Feed the baby. Try to sleep.
It was a never-ending loop that was simultaneously mind-numbingly boring and incredibly difficult.
She was eternally grateful that she had Kaya, Turner, and Ty to help her though.
Between the three of them, they washed diapers in the river, made sure Ena was fed, gave her breaks from the baby when they could, and just in general helped her hold on to her sanity—which she felt like she was one frustrating feed away from losing at all times.
After a couple of weeks on the road, and a particularly long day of traveling, they stopped at the edge of the forested area—preparing to ascend into the higher peaks of the mountains the next day—and made camp.
Ena sat in their temporary canvas tent, trying in vain to feed the baby, who was screaming. He was usually content, especially when she wore him in a sling strapped to her front while she walked or rode, but in the evening, he sometimes became inconsolably fussy.
Kaya and some of the older stryx women who’d had children assured her this was normal, but it didn’t make it any easier.
She was slightly more confident with breastfeeding now, though she still felt like she had no idea if she was doing it right most of the time.
Ladon seemed healthy enough, though. His plump little legs were so sweet, and he was opening his eyes more, watching her.
She still felt in awe half the time that he even existed—that she and Ty had made him.
Ty entered their tent, interrupting her thoughts as he ducked his head to fit his large frame through the small opening. “Horses are all settled,” he said, kicking off his boots and coming over beside her. “How are you two?”
Ladon took that precise moment to unlatch from her breast right during her milk’s letdown, causing the milk to run down, soaking her clothing as he cried and fussed some more.
“Not so great, I see,” he said. “Here, let me take him.” Ty reached out for the baby as Ena passed him over before flopping back onto her sleeping furs in exhausted frustration.
Ty held the baby face down across his forearm and gently patted his back as he soothed him. All of a sudden, Ladon let out a wet burp, the milky upset dripping down onto the dirt floor of the tent. Ena watched in awe as Ladon instantly calmed, his eyes drifting closed as he fell asleep in seconds.
“Good Gaia, where did you learn that?” Ena asked, nearly mesmerized by what had just occurred.
“Lara and Steig, of course. I watched them a lot,” Ty said, looking very pleased with himself. Rotating the baby gently, he was able to maneuver him onto his back without waking him, and placed him on the fur next to him, tucking him tightly around with a blanket to keep him warm.
Ena groaned, letting her head flop back onto the ground again.
“Are you feeling okay?” Ty asked.
Part of her wanted to lie—to pretend like everything was fine and put on a brave face.
She didn’t want him to worry, and she knew all this travel was hard on everyone, not just her, but…
she didn’t have the energy to pretend at the current moment.
“I’m just…so exhausted, Ty,” she said, willing her voice not to crack as she spoke her truth.
“I know, beautiful,” he said, cuddling up next to her and pushing her hair from her face.
She rotated to face him. “I have no idea if I’m doing a good job or not,” she admitted. “I feel like I’m just barely holding it all together.”
“You’re doing everything you can. Everything you need to be. You don’t need to put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect with this,” Ty said.
“You know that’s not in my nature,” she said wryly.
He’d noticed her perfectionist tendencies from the day they first met, when he’d challenged her to go swimming with him.
She smiled now, thinking of that simpler, freer time, but it was instantly swamped by a wave of sadness.
Of loss. Because she’d never be that again—for so many reasons.
“You should relax and sleep a little,” he said, looking into her eyes with love and kindness, and part of her wanted to reject it—to look away from his understanding gaze—because deep down, he didn’t know. He wasn’t privy to all the thoughts that swirled in her head on a daily basis.
That she couldn’t do this.
That she was a bad mother.
That she didn’t want to do this. It was too hard.
But she couldn’t bring herself to admit those things out loud—to admit how much she was struggling, so she kept it inside.
“I don’t know how to relax anymore,” she said quietly. “The baby could wake at any minute and need me.”
Ty sighed, grabbing her hand and massaging it gently. His touch felt good—strong and intimate—as he rubbed some of the tension out of her. “I could help you remember how…if you want,” Ty said, looking at her with a challenge in his eyes.
“You mean…?” she asked, glancing down at his crotch.
“Isn’t it too soon for that?” She was curious about having sex again after…
everything, but she was nervous too. She’d finally stopped bleeding after the birth, but everything still felt so different.
She didn’t know if it would be the same ever again—just one more thing that she’d lost forever.
“Maybe too soon for my cock, but not my tongue,” he said, a devilish smile on his face.
Despite herself, Ena smiled back at him. His eagerness. His acceptance of her. He was just so…wonderful, it almost broke her heart. Part of her wanted to let him try—maybe it would help make her feel like something in her life was right and as it should be. But another part…
“But I’m…” she began, self-consciousness hitting her gut like a load of bricks.
“You’re what?” Ty asked, arching his eyebrow at her as if he knew what she was about to say. “Incredibly sexy and capable? Smart and powerful? Beautiful and alluring?”
“I’m gross!” she said, scoffing at him. “I’m covered in sticky breastmilk, and my stomach is all stretched out and don’t even get me started on how ruined my pussy is now.”
Ty just stared at her for a second and then laughed. The bastard laughed. It was full-throated and full of a joy she hadn’t heard from him in so long—too long. They’d both been so enmired in their day-to-day, between the baby and traveling, it was hard to find time for joy anymore.
“Ena,” he said as his laughter died down, though the mirth still lingered in his eyes.
“You could never be gross. Not possible. Full stop.” He reached out, tracing his finger down her cheek and jaw, as if memorizing the lines of her face.
“You know what I see? I see an incredible, gorgeous woman whose body has done amazing things. Given life. Something I could never do. I respect the fuck out of you, Ena, and to be completely honest, keeping my hands off you these last several weeks has been torture, because yes, you are a bit different, but you are just as beautiful as you always have been. If not more so.”
Tears flooded Ena’s eyes, because it was everything she didn’t know she needed to hear. The fact that Ty accepted her body—accepted her—when she was struggling to, meant more than she could say.
Ty leaned closer to her ear and whispered, “Can I please touch you now?”
A corner of Ena’s mouth quirked up, despite her maelstrom of emotions, and she nodded shyly at him.
“Good girl,” he whispered, his praise soothing her nerves.
Ty’s hands moved down her torso to her shirt, which he slowly opened the rest of the way, exposing her full breasts.
He knew to avoid her nipples—which were still sensitive and healing, despite the weeks of breastfeeding—so instead, he reached out and gently cupped her breasts in his large hands and stared at them reverently.
“I know these aren’t just mine anymore,” he said, “but fucking Iblis, they are things of beauty.” Following his words, he lowered his head and kissed her gently, right on the top of her breast. Then he dragged his tongue down her, licking up the line of milk that had dripped onto her stomach.
“So fucking sweet,” he said, his voice rumbling over her.
Ena felt her breath hitch as he trailed kisses down her stomach. Her desire to do anything besides sleep had been dormant the last several weeks, but now, under Ty’s ministrations, she felt it spark back to life.
Ty continued to lick and kiss his way lower, and lower, until he got to the line of her pants. He trailed his tongue along the waistline, teasing her, and she felt her pussy throb in response.
Roughly, he grabbed them and pulled them down in one smooth motion, exposing her pussy and ass to the cold night air. He dragged his hands under her, squeezing her fleshy rear end firmly. “Iblis, I want to bite this so bad right now,” he said, giving it an extra squeeze for good measure.